They say a parent isnt supposed to bury her child. we come into this world small, defenseless, unable to take care of ourselves. A lot of the times it's just you and mama. She literally holds you and nurses you through life.
And sum of us leave here the same way.
Monday, March 30,my grandmother did the strongest thing I've seen anybody do: she sat by her daughter's side, held her hand and watched her die.
I got the call from my cousin at about 4 p.m. "I need a ride to my grandma's house cuz they giving her two hours to live." I called my mother to let her know that her sister was hanging in the balance. And she told me to call their mother, my granny, because she wasn't sure if she knew yet.
How do you call a mother and tell her her child is about to die? But I did it. I picked her and another aunt up and took them to the house where Auntie Deborah was. And Granny, 75, mother of 6, walked in that house, pulled up a chair, held Auntie's hand, 56, a mother of 12, and talked to her baby for the few hours it took her to transition out of this life.
"Deborah? I'm here. IT's your mother. And your kids are here...all your daughters....your sons....your grandbabies. We're here, Deborah. And we love you. You're my firstborn. DO you know that?? My firstborn. I was so happy when I had you..."
We got the diagnosis just a few short months ago: terminal cancer. It started with brain tumors, then lymph nodes in her chest and on the top of her spine. And even chemotherapy perverted itself and decided to aggravate the situation, instead of being the healing force it usually is. Less than two weeks ago the family decided to stop the radiation. And in a few days Auntie's body started to shut down.
Some ppl say "I dont do hospitals..." or "I dont do funerals." For someone you love, who was always full of life, chatty, fun, loving, and seemingly ageless - to see them literally fading before your eyes - unable to speak, eat, or really see you, eyes sunken in, cannot even drink water or she'll choke, cannot move her body by her own will, finding it hard to breathe even with oxygen tubes inside of her...that's tough.
But granny sat there by her side. And she was there as much as she could be through auntie's entire struggle. Granny lost her firstborn son in May 2006. And her mother February 2007. You ask yourself how much pain can a person take.
We spoke in whispered tones and tried not to make much noise. "Too many people will excite her," auntie's daughters said, "And she'll start having trouble breathing." A cane fell to the floor and clanked real loud. Auntie jumped a little bit, and for us all it was a small victory that meant she was still with us.
"You hear that Deborah, dont you?" Granny asked her, smiling. Then to the rest of us without turning around, "Put that thang up!"
At one point, a cross-dressed man walked in. I dont know how Granny saw it, but you know how mothers are - eyes in the back of their head. "What the hell is that?" she said softly. Then, "Yall please get out of here and let my baby have some peace."
The nurse said for everyone to clear out except immediate family. I started to leave, but my cousin said, "We want all the kids and friends out so she can have a peaceful transition. But, Dria dont you move."
I stood beside Granny and put my hand on her shoulder, trying to see if she was OK. She clearly didn't need me. She was much stronger than I was anyhow. When I first got there I held Auntie's hand. It was warm, and I could feel her holding my hand as well....but as the day went on, it got colder and clammy. I felt her jerk and twitch as she gasped to try to breathe. "You have to talk her through it," her kids said. "She gets nervous when she doesnt hear anybody talking to her."
I couldn't hold back my tears, but granny? No tears to be found. How could she comfort Auntie if she wasn't together herself. People streamed in all day to get one last look, but Granny never took her attention off Auntie.
The nurse needed all 12 of Auntie's kids to consent to not performing CPR when auntie stopped breathing. She had 11 signatures, but it would be a challenge to get the last one. They called my cousin in jail and asked him to consent - but he hadn't even known his mother was sick...what a way to find out. Granny is the only one who talks to him regularly, despite all his siblings and everybody else in our fam. She sends birthday cards and a little money from her fixed income every month...but she hadn't quite figured out how to tell him this. He was upset, but he said OK, he didnt want her to suffer anymore. So after they hung up, we all went back to waiting.
People broke down all around us. Many went outside to cry because they didnt want to do it around Auntie. My sister and I eventually left. A while after we did, they put a sheet over her and called the funeral home. We come here naked, then get clothed and wrapped in blankets. She left here in a bag, carried by her sons. My other aunt spent the night at Granny's, so she wouldnt be alone. But honestly, Granny was better than the rest of us.
We like to ask God for miracles. We read scriptures like, "By HIS stripes we are healed." We hear of how so-and-so's cancer went into remission and hope our loved one will fight through and beat their situation as well. But sometimes instead God will just offer us the Serenity to accept the things we cannot change. Sometimes we will look at our toughest trial and find that we somehow had the peace to get through it.
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Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Fuck Corporate America
...Because Corporate America does not give a fuck about you. Or its own employees. (Reference Madoff, Enron, Tyco, AIG, The Big 3 and allll of Wall Street.)
Corporate America wants you to work yourself and be inconvenienced by them, in return for what? A funky lil paycheck that taxes eat all up anyway? Time=$. Got that part. But there are cases when your time is actually more important - a concept Corporate America does not comprehend.
E.G: Yesterday my aunt died of cancer. A few hours later I was scheduled to work from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. Now, because I started a new job, the first 90 days are like a probationary period. In fact, in the interview I was told, "The quickest way not to work for me is to call off or show up late."
But I was kinda hoping that watching a relative suffer and die was a legitimate reason to have a personal night off...what you think????
SO I called the office and explained the situation. Her response:
(Pause. Hesitation. "In the first 90 days there really is no legitimate excuse, but you could call in tonight and in the morning talk to HR and see if there's anything they can do for you. But I don't advise that. Or you could come in and talk the supervisor and see if she'll give you an approved Early Out, which I recommend."
Let's review the options:
A. Get fired tonite and beg for your job tomorrow.
B. Get up, come all the way down here, hope the supervisor has sympathy - but be prepared to stay all nite just in case she doesn't.
OK. So I get to the pre-shift mtg and explain the sitch to the head supervisor. Her response, y'all:
(Hesitation.} "Do you have to leave like right now?"
Not right now, I said, but as soon as possible.
"OK, well we'll see what we can do after last call. BUt make sure you remind me cuz I tend to forget stuff like that," she said.
SO I'm like, it's 11 now, and last call is 1:15 a.m. SURELY the world is not going to end in the next two hours if I don't serve these ppl these lil funky pops and s*it. But if this is my option, OK. I wind up having an hour lunch break at 1 anyway, and when I reminded this woman, she opened her mouth and said to me, "OH Yeahhh....I have to talk the girls with seniority and ask if they don't mind you leaving."
WTF??????
This chick coulda said that to start with.... OR how bout this: YOU'RE THE MANAGER. YOU DON'T HAVE TO CONSULT WITH ANYBODY. YOU DECIDE WHO GETS TO STAY AND WHO LEAVES, AND WHAT TIME THEY DO SO. So you gon seriously look me in my face and say you have to ask sum girls (with NO authority) who barely even know me if it's alright that my aunt died today and so I dont fuckin feel like serving drinks for eight hours???
OMG. And do you think that trick eva got back to me???
Tell you what....I'm out here lookin for a REAL job rite now w/ evryone else, so it's not like I don't need a little sumthing from Corporate America rite now. But it'll be even better when I work for my damnself.
Oh, and because DevaDonna aint neva scared, fuck MGM GRAND DETROIT.
Corporate America wants you to work yourself and be inconvenienced by them, in return for what? A funky lil paycheck that taxes eat all up anyway? Time=$. Got that part. But there are cases when your time is actually more important - a concept Corporate America does not comprehend.
E.G: Yesterday my aunt died of cancer. A few hours later I was scheduled to work from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. Now, because I started a new job, the first 90 days are like a probationary period. In fact, in the interview I was told, "The quickest way not to work for me is to call off or show up late."
But I was kinda hoping that watching a relative suffer and die was a legitimate reason to have a personal night off...what you think????
SO I called the office and explained the situation. Her response:
(Pause. Hesitation. "In the first 90 days there really is no legitimate excuse, but you could call in tonight and in the morning talk to HR and see if there's anything they can do for you. But I don't advise that. Or you could come in and talk the supervisor and see if she'll give you an approved Early Out, which I recommend."
Let's review the options:
A. Get fired tonite and beg for your job tomorrow.
B. Get up, come all the way down here, hope the supervisor has sympathy - but be prepared to stay all nite just in case she doesn't.
OK. So I get to the pre-shift mtg and explain the sitch to the head supervisor. Her response, y'all:
(Hesitation.} "Do you have to leave like right now?"
Not right now, I said, but as soon as possible.
"OK, well we'll see what we can do after last call. BUt make sure you remind me cuz I tend to forget stuff like that," she said.
SO I'm like, it's 11 now, and last call is 1:15 a.m. SURELY the world is not going to end in the next two hours if I don't serve these ppl these lil funky pops and s*it. But if this is my option, OK. I wind up having an hour lunch break at 1 anyway, and when I reminded this woman, she opened her mouth and said to me, "OH Yeahhh....I have to talk the girls with seniority and ask if they don't mind you leaving."
WTF??????
This chick coulda said that to start with.... OR how bout this: YOU'RE THE MANAGER. YOU DON'T HAVE TO CONSULT WITH ANYBODY. YOU DECIDE WHO GETS TO STAY AND WHO LEAVES, AND WHAT TIME THEY DO SO. So you gon seriously look me in my face and say you have to ask sum girls (with NO authority) who barely even know me if it's alright that my aunt died today and so I dont fuckin feel like serving drinks for eight hours???
OMG. And do you think that trick eva got back to me???
Tell you what....I'm out here lookin for a REAL job rite now w/ evryone else, so it's not like I don't need a little sumthing from Corporate America rite now. But it'll be even better when I work for my damnself.
Oh, and because DevaDonna aint neva scared, fuck MGM GRAND DETROIT.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I Ain't No Groupie...
But I am a little upset I missed the casting of "For the Love of Ray J."
I woulda had to get my New York on. Well, not really, cuz she lost. In this case I really want the man, not the notoriety. If I coulda got on this Ray J joint four months ago, chile, it woulda been sumthin serious. DO you hear me? Cuz I mean it. Think about it: he aint a baffoon or detestable wildebeest like Flav, and as a bonus he mite actually have money. And if not money, he got enuf pull from being Brandy's brother to have a decent lifestyle with minimal actual effort on his behalf.
The only downfall is his penchant for either banging "Different" women:
or trampy, lost, skanky crack hoes:
But I could almost forgive his sexxy a**
I woulda had to get my New York on. Well, not really, cuz she lost. In this case I really want the man, not the notoriety. If I coulda got on this Ray J joint four months ago, chile, it woulda been sumthin serious. DO you hear me? Cuz I mean it. Think about it: he aint a baffoon or detestable wildebeest like Flav, and as a bonus he mite actually have money. And if not money, he got enuf pull from being Brandy's brother to have a decent lifestyle with minimal actual effort on his behalf.
The only downfall is his penchant for either banging "Different" women:
or trampy, lost, skanky crack hoes:
But I could almost forgive his sexxy a**
So Much For Riding The Momentum
I thought reality shows were for the purpose of gaining popularity....so what tha heck happened to Brutha?
Their BET reality show (you know the one where their fuc**d up family fought every single episode, then made up through a capella harmonizing) had no real season finale. Then the album came out - you didn't see them doing appearances anywhere- and like 2 ppl bought it. (Cuz I dont think anyone else knew it was out.) Me and another joker who I'm sure would like his money back as well.
It's a shame, cuz those boys can really sing. All jokes aside.....I put them up there with my Making the Band boys. (whom yall know I love! PLUG: Album in stores next month! OH Yessss!!!!)
But yea, all you reality ppl if you want your career to tank, get with Diddy or BET. If you want to take off, roll with VH1!
(What a sad statement...let's see what happens with Lil Ray J *smh*)
Their BET reality show (you know the one where their fuc**d up family fought every single episode, then made up through a capella harmonizing) had no real season finale. Then the album came out - you didn't see them doing appearances anywhere- and like 2 ppl bought it. (Cuz I dont think anyone else knew it was out.) Me and another joker who I'm sure would like his money back as well.
It's a shame, cuz those boys can really sing. All jokes aside.....I put them up there with my Making the Band boys. (whom yall know I love! PLUG: Album in stores next month! OH Yessss!!!!)
But yea, all you reality ppl if you want your career to tank, get with Diddy or BET. If you want to take off, roll with VH1!
(What a sad statement...let's see what happens with Lil Ray J *smh*)
Quick Hits
1. Why is CARTOON NETWORK launching reality shows? And scripted shows with live-action? Just seems a litle contradictory....
2. Waiters, do you cringe when you see that your section is full of black people? I do. Cuz they do NOT tip - and have the nerve to be extra bossy.
3. Is it just me, or is Forever 21 like the Rainbow and Rave for black college girls?
4. Why is it that people can't get enough of specialty coffee cafes? Ima open my own Starbucks-type joint, except our offerings will inlclude alcoholic beverages. Why? Because people damn near try to beat me down at work when I tell them last call was like, an hour ago.
And I end with this:
Diddy is holding a casting call for models for Ciroc vodka commercials. The specs are: White, Hispanic or light-skinned black women only, 5'6" or taller and a size 7 or smaller....wow. (SO HIS BABY MAMAS COULDN'T EVEN MAKE THE CUT? Hmmmm...and I'm sorry Naomi Campbell, Jessica White, Roshumba or any of you other dark-skinned beauties - I guess y'all not good enough to sell "high-class liquor")
2. Waiters, do you cringe when you see that your section is full of black people? I do. Cuz they do NOT tip - and have the nerve to be extra bossy.
3. Is it just me, or is Forever 21 like the Rainbow and Rave for black college girls?
4. Why is it that people can't get enough of specialty coffee cafes? Ima open my own Starbucks-type joint, except our offerings will inlclude alcoholic beverages. Why? Because people damn near try to beat me down at work when I tell them last call was like, an hour ago.
And I end with this:
Diddy is holding a casting call for models for Ciroc vodka commercials. The specs are: White, Hispanic or light-skinned black women only, 5'6" or taller and a size 7 or smaller....wow. (SO HIS BABY MAMAS COULDN'T EVEN MAKE THE CUT? Hmmmm...and I'm sorry Naomi Campbell, Jessica White, Roshumba or any of you other dark-skinned beauties - I guess y'all not good enough to sell "high-class liquor")
Thursday, March 12, 2009
5...4...3...2...
Well helloooo Good People!
I know I am wayyy overdue for a return; I miss my damnself, lol. Post-graduation life has been, whew, - i dont even know how to describe it - lessons learned, love lost; you know that "real world" stuff people speak of. But despite everything, I've had a LOT of happiness goin on too...so I'll fill y'all in soon, thanks for your patience.
DEVADONNA is on her way back, fam!!! muah!
I know I am wayyy overdue for a return; I miss my damnself, lol. Post-graduation life has been, whew, - i dont even know how to describe it - lessons learned, love lost; you know that "real world" stuff people speak of. But despite everything, I've had a LOT of happiness goin on too...so I'll fill y'all in soon, thanks for your patience.
DEVADONNA is on her way back, fam!!! muah!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Sorry, Nice Guys....
Yes, you DO finish last.
...and I'm one of the girls who has you thinking about going bad.
I mean,ladies, we all say we want a nice guy. We list desirable traits such as: sweet, smart, spiritual, employed, etc....But when it physically walks up and says hello, it's just not as interesting as it sounded.
So I'm sorry. I've been approached by so many guys who were so "nice"....I almost felt bad about not giving them half a chance.
I guess that's why they call it chemistry. We do actually want you to possess all those things, just in the right amounts. The formula has to be just right.
Can I have:
nice...but not too agreeable?
kind...but not soft?
intelligent...but not in constant neo-soul mode, hittin me with yo deep prison philosophies?
Spiritual...but not condemning or judgmental? (There's that word again: see post "Non-Church Folk Love to Tell Church Folk How to Act")
Polite....not mousy?
Compliments...but not ass kissing?
Affectionate...not smothereing?
Interested...not aggressive and desperate?
Sooo yeah, I guess I need you to be an alchemist. They call it chemistry cuz you gotta have the right combination, baby!
...and I'm one of the girls who has you thinking about going bad.
I mean,ladies, we all say we want a nice guy. We list desirable traits such as: sweet, smart, spiritual, employed, etc....But when it physically walks up and says hello, it's just not as interesting as it sounded.
So I'm sorry. I've been approached by so many guys who were so "nice"....I almost felt bad about not giving them half a chance.
I guess that's why they call it chemistry. We do actually want you to possess all those things, just in the right amounts. The formula has to be just right.
Can I have:
nice...but not too agreeable?
kind...but not soft?
intelligent...but not in constant neo-soul mode, hittin me with yo deep prison philosophies?
Spiritual...but not condemning or judgmental? (There's that word again: see post "Non-Church Folk Love to Tell Church Folk How to Act")
Polite....not mousy?
Compliments...but not ass kissing?
Affectionate...not smothereing?
Interested...not aggressive and desperate?
Sooo yeah, I guess I need you to be an alchemist. They call it chemistry cuz you gotta have the right combination, baby!
Monday, December 22, 2008
This One's For You
I am
the general - four stars
A perfect gem - no flaws
Tight ass lyric, for 16 sick bars
One bat of my eyelash took your breath away
Play action! You went for the fake
Sumthin like a running back, how I gave you the shake
Threw you a half-smile from over my shoulder
You text your girl a lie, Don't think tonite you'll make it over
The spark in my eye led you over to the bar
Told me don't take another step, my heel mite land on your heart
So cheesy it was cute, I gave you a pass
Guard is always up, but you got me to laugh
Then I looked in your face, and you look 35,
In some damn Ed Hardy with those blinding designs
Trynna stunt and ball with your old, greasy game
I know other, gullible girls were impressed by your hood fame
But I'ma make up a name and throw off a digit
As you adjust your bulge, so sure you gon get it
Proud of urself - you just know you done did it!
You strolled over here, all full of confidence,
And I said, "Wait! Didn't I see you at the Parent Teacher Conference?"
the general - four stars
A perfect gem - no flaws
Tight ass lyric, for 16 sick bars
One bat of my eyelash took your breath away
Play action! You went for the fake
Sumthin like a running back, how I gave you the shake
Threw you a half-smile from over my shoulderYou text your girl a lie, Don't think tonite you'll make it over
The spark in my eye led you over to the bar
Told me don't take another step, my heel mite land on your heart
So cheesy it was cute, I gave you a pass
Guard is always up, but you got me to laugh
Then I looked in your face, and you look 35,
In some damn Ed Hardy with those blinding designs
Trynna stunt and ball with your old, greasy game
I know other, gullible girls were impressed by your hood fame
But I'ma make up a name and throw off a digitAs you adjust your bulge, so sure you gon get it
Proud of urself - you just know you done did it!
You strolled over here, all full of confidence,
And I said, "Wait! Didn't I see you at the Parent Teacher Conference?"
My People, Don't Do THIS
This is the fall-out from a news conference after a football game last Sunday where a black reporter asked a very controversial/combative question of the head coach. Disrespectful in fact.
The title may sound accusatory, but it's not...I understand all about positioning yourself for the next step. But my people, when you do stuff like this, you make it hard for the rest of us. Shouldn't be like that, but it is...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbQm8lG7vk8
The title may sound accusatory, but it's not...I understand all about positioning yourself for the next step. But my people, when you do stuff like this, you make it hard for the rest of us. Shouldn't be like that, but it is...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbQm8lG7vk8
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Window Shopping
Honestly, when you watch shows like "My Super Sweet 16," "The Real Housewives of Orange County," and other shows that celebrate opulence, it doesn't make you jealous a little bit?
OR it doesn't give you the idea that they're living the "good life"...thereby telling you if you're not balling/looking like them, then you AREN'T living a"good life."
When you see "Flavor of Love" or "Rock of Love" or "The Girls Next Door," do they not tell you that's how you must look to be attractive to a rich, famous man? Tell me the truth: aren't we all being perpetually fed the same cookie cutter image of what life should look like? what you should look like? what you should wear?
Show me some more stuff like "house of payne" - two heavyset people happy with each other and their blue collar jobs.
Show me some more stuff like BET's "Brothers to Brutha" - 5 kids with two different mamas, substance abuse issues and illegitimate children...but they got each otha and they're reaching for their dreams!
Wait a minute- y'all know I went too far with that, complimenting BET lol...but I'ma have more on that Brutha show later...
OR it doesn't give you the idea that they're living the "good life"...thereby telling you if you're not balling/looking like them, then you AREN'T living a"good life."
When you see "Flavor of Love" or "Rock of Love" or "The Girls Next Door," do they not tell you that's how you must look to be attractive to a rich, famous man? Tell me the truth: aren't we all being perpetually fed the same cookie cutter image of what life should look like? what you should look like? what you should wear?
Show me some more stuff like "house of payne" - two heavyset people happy with each other and their blue collar jobs.
Show me some more stuff like BET's "Brothers to Brutha" - 5 kids with two different mamas, substance abuse issues and illegitimate children...but they got each otha and they're reaching for their dreams!
Wait a minute- y'all know I went too far with that, complimenting BET lol...but I'ma have more on that Brutha show later...
Recession My Azz
The NFL announced yesterday that it will be laying off 10 percent of its workers in ANTICIPATION of a downturn in sponsorship and ticket sales because of the current economic climate.
They acknowledge this season went well - but they are still firing people IN CASE next season does not....Well, I would hate to be fired for an event that hasn't even taken place yet, but the NBA, MLB and NASCAR have already laid people off, and media conglomerate Viacom is getting ready to do the same.
I cannot believe this is happeneing, considering the role of sports and entertainment in times like these. When times are hard, vehicles of escapism rise in popularity, usually. No, people may not have $90 for a ticket to a game and gas money to get to the venue, but they'll buy a beer and watch it on TV, which means you should be able to sell advertising space, right? So HOW are these industries suffering?
Keep in mind, these are industries I want to get into. I've gotten responses back like, "We have decided not to hire for this position," or "This job opening is suspended indefinitely."
The job market is tough...I hear it every day...but "The soul of the sluggard desireth and hath not: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat."
SOMEBODY gets to stay when everyone else is getting sent home...SOMEBODY is still getting hired somewhere to do a job they love....
SO WHY CAN'T IT BE US????
They acknowledge this season went well - but they are still firing people IN CASE next season does not....Well, I would hate to be fired for an event that hasn't even taken place yet, but the NBA, MLB and NASCAR have already laid people off, and media conglomerate Viacom is getting ready to do the same.
I cannot believe this is happeneing, considering the role of sports and entertainment in times like these. When times are hard, vehicles of escapism rise in popularity, usually. No, people may not have $90 for a ticket to a game and gas money to get to the venue, but they'll buy a beer and watch it on TV, which means you should be able to sell advertising space, right? So HOW are these industries suffering?
Keep in mind, these are industries I want to get into. I've gotten responses back like, "We have decided not to hire for this position," or "This job opening is suspended indefinitely."
The job market is tough...I hear it every day...but "The soul of the sluggard desireth and hath not: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat."
SOMEBODY gets to stay when everyone else is getting sent home...SOMEBODY is still getting hired somewhere to do a job they love....
SO WHY CAN'T IT BE US????
Friday, November 7, 2008
Marginal Utility
This is just a question I've tossed around my mind:
If you are rich and famous to the point where you can buy anything you want, then what expectations do you have from the woman in your life? To put it another way, what makes one woman desirable over another?
To answer my own question:
I think it just comes down to attractiveness. At a certain point, all you need a woman for is to look good enough to make everyone else jealous, thereby boosting your status even more...but even that boggles me, because "eye candy" is replaceable...so what gets you from a pretty arm decoration to the title of "wife"?
I was at granny's house a couple weeks ago helping her make macaroni and cheese and sweet potato pie, and I said something about her doing the most with all her ingredients and processes and what not. She said to me, "Y'all don't know what it means to take the time to make a meal that tastes delicious."
Granny, I agree, but I think some of us won't ever have to. (I'm clearly not one of them, no rich man has come by with a gravy train just yet, so I'm guessing that means I need to have other things going for me.)
We know gender roles are changing, but I still don't think it would be unreasonable if my husband expected me to be domestically competent enough to say...fix dinner for the kids or mop the bathroom floor.
But if I am, say, a 25-year-old athlete with like $16 million in guaranteed money, then I can buy a chef....therefore, I don't need a woman who knows how to cook.
I can hire a nanny....so it wouldn't be a problem if my woman was high maintenance and had marginal mothering skills.
I can hire a housekeeper...so a woman wouldn't need to be clean and tidy.
I can hire a personal assistant...so a woman wouldn't have to be organized, or schedule things or plan anything or keep me on my toes and remind me of things I may forget.
I can hire a financial planner....so my woman wouldn't even have to necessarily balance her own checkbook.
I can hire a stylist...so the chick could be color blind; wouldn't matter.
I can hire a decorator...so it would be OK if the woman couldn't help pick dinner plates or couch pillows.
I can hire a personal makeup artist and hairstylist, and pay for weekly spa visits...so there'd be no excuse for any woman to look less than flawless from top to bottom on any given day.
So, with that in mind, what do I need a wife for, and what makes one gorgeous girl more desirable than another?
I thought about something else, after looking at things for a while...Money allows one to enter a whole different culture - you acquire expensive tastes and hobbies. A life of leisure is now the norm. You may suddenly enjoy things like skiing, hunting, snowboarding, eating sushi, riding motorcycles and ATVs, golfing, jet-skiing, buying nice cars, island-hopping, etc....Now, Keisha from 6 mile may not have had access to such activities in her urban upbringing...but Becky from Beverly Hills just might have done all these things routinely before seeing puberty, which means that you (black athlete/rapper/celeb X) now have more things in common with her than with the girls you used to get down with...Just a thought, but that's a whole 'nother topic.
If you are rich and famous to the point where you can buy anything you want, then what expectations do you have from the woman in your life? To put it another way, what makes one woman desirable over another?
To answer my own question:I think it just comes down to attractiveness. At a certain point, all you need a woman for is to look good enough to make everyone else jealous, thereby boosting your status even more...but even that boggles me, because "eye candy" is replaceable...so what gets you from a pretty arm decoration to the title of "wife"?
I was at granny's house a couple weeks ago helping her make macaroni and cheese and sweet potato pie, and I said something about her doing the most with all her ingredients and processes and what not. She said to me, "Y'all don't know what it means to take the time to make a meal that tastes delicious."
Granny, I agree, but I think some of us won't ever have to. (I'm clearly not one of them, no rich man has come by with a gravy train just yet, so I'm guessing that means I need to have other things going for me.)We know gender roles are changing, but I still don't think it would be unreasonable if my husband expected me to be domestically competent enough to say...fix dinner for the kids or mop the bathroom floor.
But if I am, say, a 25-year-old athlete with like $16 million in guaranteed money, then I can buy a chef....therefore, I don't need a woman who knows how to cook.
I can hire a nanny....so it wouldn't be a problem if my woman was high maintenance and had marginal mothering skills.
I can hire a housekeeper...so a woman wouldn't need to be clean and tidy.
I can hire a personal assistant...so a woman wouldn't have to be organized, or schedule things or plan anything or keep me on my toes and remind me of things I may forget.
I can hire a financial planner....so my woman wouldn't even have to necessarily balance her own checkbook.
I can hire a stylist...so the chick could be color blind; wouldn't matter.
I can hire a decorator...so it would be OK if the woman couldn't help pick dinner plates or couch pillows.
I can hire a personal makeup artist and hairstylist, and pay for weekly spa visits...so there'd be no excuse for any woman to look less than flawless from top to bottom on any given day.
So, with that in mind, what do I need a wife for, and what makes one gorgeous girl more desirable than another?
I thought about something else, after looking at things for a while...Money allows one to enter a whole different culture - you acquire expensive tastes and hobbies. A life of leisure is now the norm. You may suddenly enjoy things like skiing, hunting, snowboarding, eating sushi, riding motorcycles and ATVs, golfing, jet-skiing, buying nice cars, island-hopping, etc....Now, Keisha from 6 mile may not have had access to such activities in her urban upbringing...but Becky from Beverly Hills just might have done all these things routinely before seeing puberty, which means that you (black athlete/rapper/celeb X) now have more things in common with her than with the girls you used to get down with...Just a thought, but that's a whole 'nother topic.
Why White America May Fear Michelle More Than Barack
(THIS WAS AN E-MAIL FORWARD THAT I FELT COMPELLED TO POST...IT MAKES SENSE TO ME)
Excerpts from a 'Jack & Jill politics' newsletter:
...as hard as it is to accept a black president, it's even harder to accept a black first lady. First Lady has always held a beloved sentimental mother/wife of the nation symbolism. Conservatives are not ready to have to look at this very BLACK woman with her degrees and her fierceness and see her as the epitome of the American mother/wife.
This will be a first for white people. They do not want this black woman in the Whitehouse as their first lady. That New Yorker cartoon was [actually] about Michelle - she was its focal point*..look closely... she is the leader, the one starting the "revolution" they want you to imagine****
MSNBC's Chris Matthews said, in the course of covering the Obama candidacy, 'He (Barack Obama) brings none of the ' bad stuff, you know?" By 'Bad Stuff', he meant the legacy of [whites] enslaving Africans in this country, keeping them as second-class citizens until 1965, a mere 11 years before this country celebrated its 200th anniversary. You know, 'the original sin', or 'the birth defect', as Condi Rice called it. Barack escapes this 'bad stuff' only because his mother was white and may have had ancestors involved in the slave trade; and also because Barack's father was not African American. He was full blooded African and therefore Barack had no ancestors enslaved by America - and so the white guilt factor is missing when they think of him. HOWEVER, NO SUCH LUCK WITH MICHELLE!
Michelle Obama is a direct threat and lightening bolt against White Superiority. Because,she's Black* VISIBLY BLACK* But it's important to note, she does not, in any way, shape, or form, contour to the acceptable Black Pathologies that enable White Supremacy to sigh with relief. [welfare mother, fatherless child, druggie, etc.] Michelle was raised in a neighborhood. In a home. With TWO parents. No child revolving in and out of jail. Raised by a Black man who not only provided for his family, but did so, WITH A DISABILITY. Her mother had a working class job - secretary- but it was taken ONLY after she had seen her youngest child settle into HIGH SCHOOL.
Michelle Obama's poise, her confidence, her aura - that was created by that humble Black man, who by all accounts, adored her. He told her that she is worthy, and so, when you have that told to you by the first man who loves and protects you, you seek that validation of that in your choice of mate, you'll settle for nothing less, and Michelle hasn't.
Michelle Obama, doesn't fit any of the acceptable Black pathologies. And when you don't fit the acceptable Black pathologies, then you must be destroyed. Michelle Obama has become the face of the Black America whose existence is routinely denied by this country. Think about it.
In ONE generation, the face of this 'Invisible America' has gone from living on the top floor of a bungalow, to the possibility of living in The White House. And yet, Michelle Obama, refuses to say " I'm special", in order to give white America its usual security blanket [that she is one of the exceptions rather than the rule], So what should be done?
Beat her down into submission.
Michelle Obama represents everything we black women want our daughters to be. When we stand up for her we stand up for ourselves. No other women in the world are more neglected and abused as African women period. Michelle looks like [our] daughters, her daughters look like us. We love the way Barack looks at her we adore the way he looks at his daughters. The Obamas represent the hope that we can be loved by our men and they will support us in whatever we do. Little African American girls need a vision and
dream of what it is like to be loved by a man who looks just like them.
Is America ready for a First Lady who looks like her? A regular black woman? Not a passable biracial curly haired girl that they call black, but a regular black woman from the south side of Chicago? With dark skin?
Is she going to be the face of The Woman on the largest pedestal in the country? A self-confessed "loud-mouth" black woman? If the Obamas succeed, it turns white supremacy upside down. And not because a black man is in the White House; but, because a black woman will be there who didn't have to come in the back door to lie in bed with the president.
Excerpts from a 'Jack & Jill politics' newsletter:
...as hard as it is to accept a black president, it's even harder to accept a black first lady. First Lady has always held a beloved sentimental mother/wife of the nation symbolism. Conservatives are not ready to have to look at this very BLACK woman with her degrees and her fierceness and see her as the epitome of the American mother/wife.
This will be a first for white people. They do not want this black woman in the Whitehouse as their first lady. That New Yorker cartoon was [actually] about Michelle - she was its focal point*..look closely... she is the leader, the one starting the "revolution" they want you to imagine****
MSNBC's Chris Matthews said, in the course of covering the Obama candidacy, 'He (Barack Obama) brings none of the ' bad stuff, you know?" By 'Bad Stuff', he meant the legacy of [whites] enslaving Africans in this country, keeping them as second-class citizens until 1965, a mere 11 years before this country celebrated its 200th anniversary. You know, 'the original sin', or 'the birth defect', as Condi Rice called it. Barack escapes this 'bad stuff' only because his mother was white and may have had ancestors involved in the slave trade; and also because Barack's father was not African American. He was full blooded African and therefore Barack had no ancestors enslaved by America - and so the white guilt factor is missing when they think of him. HOWEVER, NO SUCH LUCK WITH MICHELLE!
Michelle Obama is a direct threat and lightening bolt against White Superiority. Because,she's Black* VISIBLY BLACK* But it's important to note, she does not, in any way, shape, or form, contour to the acceptable Black Pathologies that enable White Supremacy to sigh with relief. [welfare mother, fatherless child, druggie, etc.] Michelle was raised in a neighborhood. In a home. With TWO parents. No child revolving in and out of jail. Raised by a Black man who not only provided for his family, but did so, WITH A DISABILITY. Her mother had a working class job - secretary- but it was taken ONLY after she had seen her youngest child settle into HIGH SCHOOL.
Michelle Obama's poise, her confidence, her aura - that was created by that humble Black man, who by all accounts, adored her. He told her that she is worthy, and so, when you have that told to you by the first man who loves and protects you, you seek that validation of that in your choice of mate, you'll settle for nothing less, and Michelle hasn't.
Michelle Obama, doesn't fit any of the acceptable Black pathologies. And when you don't fit the acceptable Black pathologies, then you must be destroyed. Michelle Obama has become the face of the Black America whose existence is routinely denied by this country. Think about it.
In ONE generation, the face of this 'Invisible America' has gone from living on the top floor of a bungalow, to the possibility of living in The White House. And yet, Michelle Obama, refuses to say " I'm special", in order to give white America its usual security blanket [that she is one of the exceptions rather than the rule], So what should be done?
Beat her down into submission.
Michelle Obama represents everything we black women want our daughters to be. When we stand up for her we stand up for ourselves. No other women in the world are more neglected and abused as African women period. Michelle looks like [our] daughters, her daughters look like us. We love the way Barack looks at her we adore the way he looks at his daughters. The Obamas represent the hope that we can be loved by our men and they will support us in whatever we do. Little African American girls need a vision anddream of what it is like to be loved by a man who looks just like them.
Is America ready for a First Lady who looks like her? A regular black woman? Not a passable biracial curly haired girl that they call black, but a regular black woman from the south side of Chicago? With dark skin?
Is she going to be the face of The Woman on the largest pedestal in the country? A self-confessed "loud-mouth" black woman? If the Obamas succeed, it turns white supremacy upside down. And not because a black man is in the White House; but, because a black woman will be there who didn't have to come in the back door to lie in bed with the president.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Everybody's Crazy Bout a Sharp-Dressed Man
I love a man in uniform, I really do. For the longest time I was sure I was going to the Army. But after this "war," I tell you I am scared to death of a military man.
I was talking to an Air Force veteran the other day. He said he's like 30 and has been married 3 times...and is on the brink of divorce with the current one. I told him, "It's that military in you." He said, "You know what? I think you're right. They all say I have no emotion. They're right, but they knew that coming into it. I'm not romantic at all. I make em laugh, i make em cry; that should be enough."
Now, dearie, that's a trained killing machine. And for years that man (or woman) has been surrounded by unimaginable death and destruction. Are you really surprised he or she may not be romantic?! These people are in a state of constant paranoia where they don't know who the enemy is - but they do know ANYone could be the enemy - man, woman or child. They have to be alert 24/7, and the people they are fighting alongside could be blown to bits in the blink of an eye...And you want them to come home and be romantic? I think these people need automatic and extensive transitional counseling to ease them back into civilian life. I am terrified I'll be laying in bed next to a Marine and his ass might wake up in the middle of the night with a flashback and snap my neck.
I am not involved with a military man, and I don't want to disrespect anyone who is. I can only imagine what it's like for y'all, but after all the hell you've been through, hell naw, I wouldn't ask for romance! I love a man in uniform, I really do - but y'all sitting on the edge of crazy, and unfortunately it's not your fault!
I was talking to an Air Force veteran the other day. He said he's like 30 and has been married 3 times...and is on the brink of divorce with the current one. I told him, "It's that military in you." He said, "You know what? I think you're right. They all say I have no emotion. They're right, but they knew that coming into it. I'm not romantic at all. I make em laugh, i make em cry; that should be enough."
Now, dearie, that's a trained killing machine. And for years that man (or woman) has been surrounded by unimaginable death and destruction. Are you really surprised he or she may not be romantic?! These people are in a state of constant paranoia where they don't know who the enemy is - but they do know ANYone could be the enemy - man, woman or child. They have to be alert 24/7, and the people they are fighting alongside could be blown to bits in the blink of an eye...And you want them to come home and be romantic? I think these people need automatic and extensive transitional counseling to ease them back into civilian life. I am terrified I'll be laying in bed next to a Marine and his ass might wake up in the middle of the night with a flashback and snap my neck.
I am not involved with a military man, and I don't want to disrespect anyone who is. I can only imagine what it's like for y'all, but after all the hell you've been through, hell naw, I wouldn't ask for romance! I love a man in uniform, I really do - but y'all sitting on the edge of crazy, and unfortunately it's not your fault!
It's Not You; It's Me
I work in a facility full of multi-millionaires. Please believe, I used to park my little 1994 Toyota Corolla right next to their Escalades and Beemers. I deserve to be there in my capacity just like they belong in theirs! The same GM signs all our paychecks, shoot.
But there are other times I feel incredibly inadequate. This morning I looked at the MySpace page of a dude I'm talking to. KABLAM - all I saw in his friends spot-thing were tons and tons of naked chicks. They were very pretty girls: tall, long hair, thick, curvy, built. I was instantaneously convinced that no matter what this dude says, I could not be the type of chick he wants. He's entering the entertainment biz, and looking at the company he's keeping now, I just cannot compete. I see him with a Trina, a Melissa Ford, a Vida Guerra...not a DevaDonna.
As long as I have these feelings of inadequacy, a relationship is not even a possibility. Sometimes when people say, "It's not you - it's me," they really do mean it.
But there are other times I feel incredibly inadequate. This morning I looked at the MySpace page of a dude I'm talking to. KABLAM - all I saw in his friends spot-thing were tons and tons of naked chicks. They were very pretty girls: tall, long hair, thick, curvy, built. I was instantaneously convinced that no matter what this dude says, I could not be the type of chick he wants. He's entering the entertainment biz, and looking at the company he's keeping now, I just cannot compete. I see him with a Trina, a Melissa Ford, a Vida Guerra...not a DevaDonna.
As long as I have these feelings of inadequacy, a relationship is not even a possibility. Sometimes when people say, "It's not you - it's me," they really do mean it.
I'm Conceited, I Got a Reason
I would never be one of those women who assumes that everyone who speaks is trynna holla. However, my ex dilligently tried to explain to me that if a guy asks for your number, it's for a reason. So far, I have to admit, he was right.
(Can I conversely conclude that no matter how long we talk, if a guy does not ask for the #, does that mean he wasn't feelin' me at all?)
For instance, I was networking (at work) with this older gentleman (with less than an iota of attractivity.)He works in the field I am trying to go into and asked what I was looking to do when my internship ends. He seemed surprised when I said I had nothing lined up and told me he would keep his eyes open for me because his station has openings all the time. He asked for my contact information, and I unwittingly obliged. (That's why a sista needs a business card, y'all) Well several weeks later, this fellow sent me a random text.
"Hi," it said.
"Hi," I wrote back - I ain't know who it was.
"This is (blank) from Channel (blank). I didn't want to bother you at work so I figured a text would be better."
"Oh! Good to hear from you," I replied, figuring this was a lead on some employment.
"When's a good time to call?" was his next text. An internal red flag went up. I didn't answer.
Several hours elapsed....he sent a duplicate text. Against my better judgment, this time I answered, "Anytime after 5, and please leave a message if I don't pick up." (I guess I was holding on to hope that he had contacted me for a good reason).
"OK," came his reply. "I was hoping we could hang out some time."
WTF!!!! Blindsided again! I looked at that damn text incredulously....took me a while to pick my jaw up off the floor. And in my head I could hear Dave Chapelle saying, "Gotcha, bitch!"
(Can I conversely conclude that no matter how long we talk, if a guy does not ask for the #, does that mean he wasn't feelin' me at all?)
For instance, I was networking (at work) with this older gentleman (with less than an iota of attractivity.)He works in the field I am trying to go into and asked what I was looking to do when my internship ends. He seemed surprised when I said I had nothing lined up and told me he would keep his eyes open for me because his station has openings all the time. He asked for my contact information, and I unwittingly obliged. (That's why a sista needs a business card, y'all) Well several weeks later, this fellow sent me a random text.
"Hi," it said.
"Hi," I wrote back - I ain't know who it was.
"This is (blank) from Channel (blank). I didn't want to bother you at work so I figured a text would be better."
"Oh! Good to hear from you," I replied, figuring this was a lead on some employment.
"When's a good time to call?" was his next text. An internal red flag went up. I didn't answer.
Several hours elapsed....he sent a duplicate text. Against my better judgment, this time I answered, "Anytime after 5, and please leave a message if I don't pick up." (I guess I was holding on to hope that he had contacted me for a good reason).
"OK," came his reply. "I was hoping we could hang out some time."
WTF!!!! Blindsided again! I looked at that damn text incredulously....took me a while to pick my jaw up off the floor. And in my head I could hear Dave Chapelle saying, "Gotcha, bitch!"
Non-Church Folk Love to Tell Church Folk How to Act
"Christians always be the main ones judging you," is the lame excuse they use
NEWS FLASH: EVERYONE judges you! Hence the phrases:
-perception is reality
-you have one chance to make a first impression
-put your best foot forward
-what you see is what you get
If a Christian has an opinion (particularly if it's negative), people confuse that with being judgmental. Guess what? Being a Christian does not mean you automatically view everything around you as roses and potpourri. If your shirt does not complement your figure, what does that have to do with me being a Christian? If your weave is straight and your roots are nappy, making that observation does not counter my Christianity.
-Why don't you wear sweatpants and gym shoes to a job interivew?
BECAUSE SOMEONE IS JUDGING YOU!
-Why do you come to school sugar-sharp on the first day of class?
BECAUSE SOMEONE IS JUDGING YOU!
-Why do you ball your heart out in a championship game?
BECAUSE SOMEONE IS JUDGING YOU!
-Why are Halle Berry and Angelina Jolie seen as beautiful?
BECAUSE SOMEONE JUDGED THEM TO BE SO!
-Why do celebs take out the trash in a full face of makeup?
BECAUSE SOMEONE IS LYING IN WAIT TO TAKE A PICTURE AND JUDGE THEM!
Granted, I attend a pretty liberal church. We believe Jesus came that we might have life, and have it more abundantly. So you won't hear me say you can't dance, or you can't listen to secular music, or you can't have a drink or you're going to hell if you buy a scratch-off lottery ticket. At the same time, there are certainly some activities I view as negative and therefore decline to engage in.
BUT PLEASE WAKE UP - EVERYONE IS JUDGING YOU - ALL THE TIME!
NEWS FLASH: EVERYONE judges you! Hence the phrases:
-perception is reality
-you have one chance to make a first impression
-put your best foot forward
-what you see is what you get
If a Christian has an opinion (particularly if it's negative), people confuse that with being judgmental. Guess what? Being a Christian does not mean you automatically view everything around you as roses and potpourri. If your shirt does not complement your figure, what does that have to do with me being a Christian? If your weave is straight and your roots are nappy, making that observation does not counter my Christianity.
-Why don't you wear sweatpants and gym shoes to a job interivew?
BECAUSE SOMEONE IS JUDGING YOU!
-Why do you come to school sugar-sharp on the first day of class?
BECAUSE SOMEONE IS JUDGING YOU!
-Why do you ball your heart out in a championship game?
BECAUSE SOMEONE IS JUDGING YOU!
-Why are Halle Berry and Angelina Jolie seen as beautiful?
BECAUSE SOMEONE JUDGED THEM TO BE SO!
-Why do celebs take out the trash in a full face of makeup?
BECAUSE SOMEONE IS LYING IN WAIT TO TAKE A PICTURE AND JUDGE THEM!
Granted, I attend a pretty liberal church. We believe Jesus came that we might have life, and have it more abundantly. So you won't hear me say you can't dance, or you can't listen to secular music, or you can't have a drink or you're going to hell if you buy a scratch-off lottery ticket. At the same time, there are certainly some activities I view as negative and therefore decline to engage in.
BUT PLEASE WAKE UP - EVERYONE IS JUDGING YOU - ALL THE TIME!
"Keyboard Gangsters"
That's what John Legend calls today's mad bloggers and Internet writers. People get online, hide behind a screen name and say all kinds of vicious things they'd never say in person. Like the "liquid courage" of loud drunks, the Internet has created a kind of "digital courage," whereby ppl get the nerve to judge others and start all kinds of rumors and lies. It's easy to be a "writer" these days....And once it's in print, the "public" takes their opinions as fact.
But a real WRITER- that's a whole different creature. It's someone who has a very real courage. It takes far more brass and skill to bare your soul before the public. To stand behind your words, having full knowledge that they shape others' opinions of you. It requires a love of language, a belief in the exposure of truth and a hypersensitive passion. To lay your emotions out in the permanency of pen and ink renders you naked.
BUT
LOL
EVN
W/THT
$ED,
I $T!lL CN WR!TE
THING$
!'D NvR
H@V
ThE GUT$
2 $@Y 2 U
But a real WRITER- that's a whole different creature. It's someone who has a very real courage. It takes far more brass and skill to bare your soul before the public. To stand behind your words, having full knowledge that they shape others' opinions of you. It requires a love of language, a belief in the exposure of truth and a hypersensitive passion. To lay your emotions out in the permanency of pen and ink renders you naked.
BUT
LOL
EVN
W/THT
$ED,
I $T!lL CN WR!TE
THING$
!'D NvR
H@V
ThE GUT$
2 $@Y 2 U
Life, Life
Life
is
a collection of experiences
that become
memories.
These memories
sustain
you through
d r yyyy
s
p
e
l
l
s
and
tide you o-
ver.
is
a collection of experiences
that become
memories.
These memories
sustain
you through
d r yyyy
s
p
e
l
l
s
and
tide you o-
ver.
"U Can't Have it Both Ways"
Is it absence makes the heart grow fonder - OR Out of sight, out of mind?
Is there a once-in-a-lifetime love - OR "You'll find someone else," like your friends tell you after a breakup?
Is there somebody for everybody -OR is everyone replaceable?
What you see is what you get - OR don't judge a book by its cover?
What happens when you meet the man of your dreams - and he ain't shit?
You never get over your first love - OR Time heals all wounds?
And if time heals all wounds.....why am I still crying?
Is there a once-in-a-lifetime love - OR "You'll find someone else," like your friends tell you after a breakup?
Is there somebody for everybody -OR is everyone replaceable?
What you see is what you get - OR don't judge a book by its cover?
What happens when you meet the man of your dreams - and he ain't shit?
You never get over your first love - OR Time heals all wounds?
And if time heals all wounds.....why am I still crying?
"You Are in Charge of Your Own Orgasm"
For all you liberated women who own and embrace your sexuality, I applaud you.
All I hear these days is how men want a woman to take charge and initiate things sometimes. "If you don't have an orgasm, it's your fault," these liberated women say. I suppose the popularity of black smut - I mean, erotica - has encouraged this movement. ESSENCE has a monthly sex & intimacy section, and Zane even has her own our series on Cinemax to teach women to get the love/romance/sex they deserve.
But bruthas, if you're looking for me to chase you down with my whip and whipped cream and hop on top with my handcuffs, I'm sorry to disappoint, but it ain't gonna happen! When I stick my toe in the water, there's this littttle thing called religion that holds me back.
For sum ppl, the taboo part of a thing is half the fun - OK, that's fine if it's something like your mama told you to be home at 10 and you sneak in at 11....It's something other else if you read the Bible and believe you're engaging in an act that can sentence you to eternal damnation - the stakes are a little higher here, ppl. We, in our mortal wisdom, allow ourselves to question the Bible and accept the parts we want. I know many young Christians who can tell me more about sex than the contents of Psalms, Samuel or Song of Solomon! That's a huge contradiction to me.
If you're ignorant, stay that way. It's worse if you know to do right and fail to do so.
I know it's a lotta full-out freaks that got ya'll spolied out here fellas. On the one hand, I feel like I need to know the tricks they using to take our men from us "prudes." But on the other hand, if I do something and my Spirit convicts me, that means it was something I should not have done.
It's not my place to tell you something is wrong; that's an individual decision. But for those of us who subscribe to certain beliefs, I'd like to know who gave us permission to bend the letter of the law?
The world tells us sexuality is a beautiful thing and a natural instinct (like hunger and thirst) and that sex is an integral part of a relationship.
But I still can't reconcile that with my guilty conscience.
All I hear these days is how men want a woman to take charge and initiate things sometimes. "If you don't have an orgasm, it's your fault," these liberated women say. I suppose the popularity of black smut - I mean, erotica - has encouraged this movement. ESSENCE has a monthly sex & intimacy section, and Zane even has her own our series on Cinemax to teach women to get the love/romance/sex they deserve.
But bruthas, if you're looking for me to chase you down with my whip and whipped cream and hop on top with my handcuffs, I'm sorry to disappoint, but it ain't gonna happen! When I stick my toe in the water, there's this littttle thing called religion that holds me back.
For sum ppl, the taboo part of a thing is half the fun - OK, that's fine if it's something like your mama told you to be home at 10 and you sneak in at 11....It's something other else if you read the Bible and believe you're engaging in an act that can sentence you to eternal damnation - the stakes are a little higher here, ppl. We, in our mortal wisdom, allow ourselves to question the Bible and accept the parts we want. I know many young Christians who can tell me more about sex than the contents of Psalms, Samuel or Song of Solomon! That's a huge contradiction to me.
If you're ignorant, stay that way. It's worse if you know to do right and fail to do so.
I know it's a lotta full-out freaks that got ya'll spolied out here fellas. On the one hand, I feel like I need to know the tricks they using to take our men from us "prudes." But on the other hand, if I do something and my Spirit convicts me, that means it was something I should not have done.
It's not my place to tell you something is wrong; that's an individual decision. But for those of us who subscribe to certain beliefs, I'd like to know who gave us permission to bend the letter of the law?
The world tells us sexuality is a beautiful thing and a natural instinct (like hunger and thirst) and that sex is an integral part of a relationship.
But I still can't reconcile that with my guilty conscience.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
"Lord, Don't Leave Me Here Too Long"
This is a story about Jesus (so if you don't like Him, feel free to stop reading now.)
My internship, which I absolutely enjoy, was scheduled to end Oct. 17. The Saturday before I got a random phone call from an acquaintance I hadn't heard from in months. Oddly enough, I had tried to call him twice over the summer with no success, but he just decided to check in with me that day and we had a Spirit-led conversation.
I was telling him about how I am back at home with the fam, job search looking bleak, etc...and he told me, "I know how you feel; I just left that situation." He went on to share that he just started a new job that is paying for his grad school, as well as his rent, utilities and cell phone. He said he knows it's hard starting over, but when I prayed I should be specific with GOD. My friend said not to box Him in, but be specific. "Say, 'Lord, don't leave me here too long.' "
I said, "Well, I need to know some things within a week."
Tell you what - On Wednesday (that's only four days later, y'all!) another department asked me if I would like to work with them until January. It was my understanding that the internship was only for two days a week. But then the man started saying what I do would do every day, including weekends....which meant I could postpone the frantic job search at least for another month! The economy is hard, and it's so cold in that D - but I still have a job to go to, even if only for several months.
In the meantime I had an accident two months ago that left me in a familiar position - having to rely on others for a ride. For people who enjoy independence, this is a humbling place to be. My new supervisor asked last Wednesday when I would have my transportation taken care of, and I told him within a week. Now, the first car I bought was the same type of thing - I needed it for a job and had a week to get it done. My mom could tell my faith was wavering and she said, "If you don't think He can do it, then tell them you can't take the job. But I believe that you'll have it when you need it." And I did.
See, the wonderful thing about an example is that it gives you hope that if something happened once, it can happen again.
So here I was in the same sitch, and for this entire two-month period these lyin' brothas said they could fix my ride. Well, I called them back and said I had a week, and they said OK. They came and picked up my money to buy parts and everything. Then on Saturday one of them brought my money back because he couldn't find his partner. This is Saturday....I four days left, y'all.
I was scared to get a car note because, again, I have an internship; not a JOB. But someone called out the clear blue sky and offered to take me looking for a car. Luckily, I had Monday and Tuesday off. I will spare you the details, but I went to bed Sunday night and told God I needed a miracle. I told Him on Monday I was not paying more than $200 a month for a car note. I told Him Tuesday there was no way I was paying $300 a month on car insurance.
On Wednesday, I drove myself to work in my new vehicle.
"LORD, DON'T LEAVE ME HERE TOO LONG!" - That's what you need to tell Him!!!
My internship, which I absolutely enjoy, was scheduled to end Oct. 17. The Saturday before I got a random phone call from an acquaintance I hadn't heard from in months. Oddly enough, I had tried to call him twice over the summer with no success, but he just decided to check in with me that day and we had a Spirit-led conversation.
I was telling him about how I am back at home with the fam, job search looking bleak, etc...and he told me, "I know how you feel; I just left that situation." He went on to share that he just started a new job that is paying for his grad school, as well as his rent, utilities and cell phone. He said he knows it's hard starting over, but when I prayed I should be specific with GOD. My friend said not to box Him in, but be specific. "Say, 'Lord, don't leave me here too long.' "
I said, "Well, I need to know some things within a week."
Tell you what - On Wednesday (that's only four days later, y'all!) another department asked me if I would like to work with them until January. It was my understanding that the internship was only for two days a week. But then the man started saying what I do would do every day, including weekends....which meant I could postpone the frantic job search at least for another month! The economy is hard, and it's so cold in that D - but I still have a job to go to, even if only for several months.
In the meantime I had an accident two months ago that left me in a familiar position - having to rely on others for a ride. For people who enjoy independence, this is a humbling place to be. My new supervisor asked last Wednesday when I would have my transportation taken care of, and I told him within a week. Now, the first car I bought was the same type of thing - I needed it for a job and had a week to get it done. My mom could tell my faith was wavering and she said, "If you don't think He can do it, then tell them you can't take the job. But I believe that you'll have it when you need it." And I did.
See, the wonderful thing about an example is that it gives you hope that if something happened once, it can happen again.
So here I was in the same sitch, and for this entire two-month period these lyin' brothas said they could fix my ride. Well, I called them back and said I had a week, and they said OK. They came and picked up my money to buy parts and everything. Then on Saturday one of them brought my money back because he couldn't find his partner. This is Saturday....I four days left, y'all.
I was scared to get a car note because, again, I have an internship; not a JOB. But someone called out the clear blue sky and offered to take me looking for a car. Luckily, I had Monday and Tuesday off. I will spare you the details, but I went to bed Sunday night and told God I needed a miracle. I told Him on Monday I was not paying more than $200 a month for a car note. I told Him Tuesday there was no way I was paying $300 a month on car insurance.
On Wednesday, I drove myself to work in my new vehicle.
"LORD, DON'T LEAVE ME HERE TOO LONG!" - That's what you need to tell Him!!!
I do not NEED a man
Let's be clear about that point. But it's kind of like the stories I've heard from people who have lost a limb...You know your leg is gone, but it's still instinctive to try to use it. Your brain still thinks it's there.
(This is not to suggest I am incomplete w/o a bf.) It's just that I'm not used to being without.
Certain things become habit - you get used to considering this other person, used to having someone tell you good morning and good night, used to having a reason to get dressed up and used to having somewhere to go on the weekends. You get used to having someone to encourage, support and confide in...all that jazz. So then when it ends (because as Jazmine Sullivan says,"Why it don't last/Is that too much to ask?") it just takes some getting used to.
I don't need a boyfriend....I'm just not used to NOT having one....that's all I'm saying.
And the adjustment process is taking longer than I had expected.
A professor of mine gave me this book about relationships, and it said people are not made to be alone, but all you need not to be alone is the companionship of another person. It said (and this is common sense here, people) if you don't have friends it's because you're not a friendly person. So I took that to heart and made a conscientious decision to seek positive interaction with those around me. I am social, cordial and I talk to everybody! I find that it makes my day full when I talk to new ppl and share a laugh or a smile or w/e the case may be....But you know sum ppl take that the wrong way ladies. We can't be too friendly or we look... (fill-in-the-blank). Now if I walk 'round with my face all tore up, then I have an attitude. But if I initiate a conversation, then I'm....something else.
For some reason the only dudes in Detroit who holla at me are between the ages of 39 and 50. Now, you can try to filp that into a compliment if you want. "That means you carry yourself mature." BS! I am mature, but them fools know I don't look none of their age! They just sum wanna-be slick predators who are inadequate for women in their age range, so they try to come at us like we will be impressed by their lil piece of job or car or w/e they think they got. Look here, don't be trynna trick on sum suga daddy-type ish. I got a daddy....what I don't have is a BOY-friend....
But I don't need one, y'all. I'm just saying, I'm not used to being without. And it's taking me a minute to get used to it. See the problem these not-on-my-level dudes have is that I've had people who treated me right....so I just can't get with these "women-should-come-at-me" types. For me to pursue a dude would be settling. (Not that I've seen anything worth pursuing, which is another issue). Settling=desperation, and well, Driadonna and desperate just doesn't even sound right. I'm not with the mind games either. This is a NO-NONSENSE SEASON and my BS tolerance is at ZERO....
Married ladies (and old women) love to tell single women to calm down. It'll be alright...hold on...God will send you.....you got your whole life for that....tell them booed up-B****s to be quiet! And them old ones can be quiet too cuz back in the day they was gettin it on, gettin it up and gettin down. (Think about it; don't all your great-aunts have like 8 kids???)
But anyway.....I'll come back to my problem with older men later. For now y'all just take my word that I don't need a man....I'm just not used to not having one. Or at least having options. I mean, damn.
(This is not to suggest I am incomplete w/o a bf.) It's just that I'm not used to being without.
Certain things become habit - you get used to considering this other person, used to having someone tell you good morning and good night, used to having a reason to get dressed up and used to having somewhere to go on the weekends. You get used to having someone to encourage, support and confide in...all that jazz. So then when it ends (because as Jazmine Sullivan says,"Why it don't last/Is that too much to ask?") it just takes some getting used to.
I don't need a boyfriend....I'm just not used to NOT having one....that's all I'm saying.
And the adjustment process is taking longer than I had expected.
A professor of mine gave me this book about relationships, and it said people are not made to be alone, but all you need not to be alone is the companionship of another person. It said (and this is common sense here, people) if you don't have friends it's because you're not a friendly person. So I took that to heart and made a conscientious decision to seek positive interaction with those around me. I am social, cordial and I talk to everybody! I find that it makes my day full when I talk to new ppl and share a laugh or a smile or w/e the case may be....But you know sum ppl take that the wrong way ladies. We can't be too friendly or we look... (fill-in-the-blank). Now if I walk 'round with my face all tore up, then I have an attitude. But if I initiate a conversation, then I'm....something else.
For some reason the only dudes in Detroit who holla at me are between the ages of 39 and 50. Now, you can try to filp that into a compliment if you want. "That means you carry yourself mature." BS! I am mature, but them fools know I don't look none of their age! They just sum wanna-be slick predators who are inadequate for women in their age range, so they try to come at us like we will be impressed by their lil piece of job or car or w/e they think they got. Look here, don't be trynna trick on sum suga daddy-type ish. I got a daddy....what I don't have is a BOY-friend....
But I don't need one, y'all. I'm just saying, I'm not used to being without. And it's taking me a minute to get used to it. See the problem these not-on-my-level dudes have is that I've had people who treated me right....so I just can't get with these "women-should-come-at-me" types. For me to pursue a dude would be settling. (Not that I've seen anything worth pursuing, which is another issue). Settling=desperation, and well, Driadonna and desperate just doesn't even sound right. I'm not with the mind games either. This is a NO-NONSENSE SEASON and my BS tolerance is at ZERO....
Married ladies (and old women) love to tell single women to calm down. It'll be alright...hold on...God will send you.....you got your whole life for that....tell them booed up-B****s to be quiet! And them old ones can be quiet too cuz back in the day they was gettin it on, gettin it up and gettin down. (Think about it; don't all your great-aunts have like 8 kids???)
But anyway.....I'll come back to my problem with older men later. For now y'all just take my word that I don't need a man....I'm just not used to not having one. Or at least having options. I mean, damn.
The Suga Daddy Conundrum
Why are older men attractive?
Because younger dudes' maturity level is still evolving. The young black man is in high demand and he knows it, so he's pompous for little good reason. He can be college-educated, he can be street corner-certified....but he's the hotness just because women of all races and levels blow him up. He can have his first little apartment, or be at home with mama. A lot of ladies out here want sum D that bad y'all....So the guys treat you grimey because you are replaceable. Period.
Meanwhile, older dudes have (possibly) been there, done that, learned things the hard way and grown up. They are confident in who they are, their achievements, abilities, etc. They carry themselves differently and give you this sense that, they got you. (Maybe) They can work a room, make everyone feel welcome, show you new things, whatever.
But look here: If you are 42, with a great job, nice house, nice car, sum stocks and bonds, 401K, sum rental properties and (probably sum kids my age) then what does a 21-year old girl have to offer?
She's in a dorm, you own your own business; What shall we discuss over dinner: my tough homework assignment?
Some women have no problem with a man who wines and dines, gives and buys. To me, accepting gifts and things gives me a sense of obligation. (Many women, you will find, do not have this problem.) But it's demoralizing to me as a competent individual and it gives him an inflated sense of power.
I like to feel like I am contributing something and pulling my own weight. I want to feel like I am bringing something to the table.
So no, you won't catch me with a 40-year old. If you got a 20-year head start on life and we are still on the same level, then that's a sad reflection on you, brotha.
There are too many single middle-aged women out here who are beautiful, successful and have a lot to offer for these men to be chasing little girls (relatively speaking). When I see a single 50-yr-old man, I wonder what's wrong with him - he must have been doin sumthin wrong because women his age have deemed him unacceptable....or rather, he is just taking the easy way out and overlooking his counterparts in favor of what looks like an easy ride.
It is tricking if you got it....Unless you are Oprah.
Because younger dudes' maturity level is still evolving. The young black man is in high demand and he knows it, so he's pompous for little good reason. He can be college-educated, he can be street corner-certified....but he's the hotness just because women of all races and levels blow him up. He can have his first little apartment, or be at home with mama. A lot of ladies out here want sum D that bad y'all....So the guys treat you grimey because you are replaceable. Period.
Meanwhile, older dudes have (possibly) been there, done that, learned things the hard way and grown up. They are confident in who they are, their achievements, abilities, etc. They carry themselves differently and give you this sense that, they got you. (Maybe) They can work a room, make everyone feel welcome, show you new things, whatever.
But look here: If you are 42, with a great job, nice house, nice car, sum stocks and bonds, 401K, sum rental properties and (probably sum kids my age) then what does a 21-year old girl have to offer?
She's in a dorm, you own your own business; What shall we discuss over dinner: my tough homework assignment?
Some women have no problem with a man who wines and dines, gives and buys. To me, accepting gifts and things gives me a sense of obligation. (Many women, you will find, do not have this problem.) But it's demoralizing to me as a competent individual and it gives him an inflated sense of power.
I like to feel like I am contributing something and pulling my own weight. I want to feel like I am bringing something to the table.
So no, you won't catch me with a 40-year old. If you got a 20-year head start on life and we are still on the same level, then that's a sad reflection on you, brotha.
There are too many single middle-aged women out here who are beautiful, successful and have a lot to offer for these men to be chasing little girls (relatively speaking). When I see a single 50-yr-old man, I wonder what's wrong with him - he must have been doin sumthin wrong because women his age have deemed him unacceptable....or rather, he is just taking the easy way out and overlooking his counterparts in favor of what looks like an easy ride.
It is tricking if you got it....Unless you are Oprah.
Real Housewives of Atlanta
I do enjoy this show. Black people on TV is always a beautiful thing! (Unless they're on VH1 or BET)
A: I like that sumbody is from tha D!
B: I like that these are sum "life-sized" women. They sum thick girls, y'all - like many real women actually are!
C: I won't say anything about the vanilla woman who wants to be chocolate sooooo bad it's desperate.
D: I also won't comment on how she has found "the one" and he loves her so much he won't be seen in public with her.
E: I also don't understand how it's about housewives, yet one is divroced, one is a jump-off/side piece and one has like 6 businesses....
F: I like NeNe. My mom and aunt call her ghetto and wonder how she snagged such a supportive and wealthy husband. He def. seems like her complete opposite. And while I'm usually not a fan of loud women, I think NeNe is herself and she keeps it real, so I'm not mad at that. It takes sum confidence to be you - regardless of what's going on around you. So do it, Ms. NeNe!
G: Ms. plain-lookin SheRee "I'm so beautiful and successful that's why I can't find a man"... she is sad to me. You are successful at what? Spending your ex-husband's money??? She's not even successful at that cuz they said the divorce has been taking like 7 years. Quit letting that butt-kissing Kim geek you head up.
H: My fav is Ms. Lisa Wu Hartwell. Ladies, you really can't hate: She is not with the drama, she's focused, ambitious, successful, intelligent, assertive, fun-loving and on point! And she looks good while doing it all! We must give respect where it is due. Not only that, but she has a BEAUTIFUL BLACK MAN who is right by her side every step.
(**The only criticism I have is her sense of style must be reworked. If your girl isn't looking her best, pull her to the side and let her know. Lisa had on this nun-looking parishoner at the Amish farm-straight jacket-looking all white suit one day, then took a beautiful gown and threw on sum tacky hooker boots, then at Sheree's party her outfit was lookin like sumthin you'll see on a random soccer mom at the movies...not a million dolla chick. But dammit, if you're a pretty women with a man who loves you regardless, you can do what you want!**)
One thing I noticed though is that SheRee said there was something like 20 women for every man in Atlanta. At first, that number had me shook. "I'm never moving to Atlanta," I thought, "And I damn sure wouldn't even try to ask a man to be monogamous if I did go."
But then I thought about that thing again. And I said, the odds aren't in our favor ladies, but one thing I know is that FAVOR AIN'T FAIR!!! You just might be that one that catches you a good one. Just like Ms. Lisa Hartwell, you might find a man who feels like there are 20 women for every man - but only ONE YOU!
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