I Wish I Was Making This Up

Boys and girls,

I've been fortunate enough to be staying rent-free with extended family for the past month. And this house is full of kids! I'm having a good time being here, so grateful they opened their doors...but as you know, "Kids say the darndest things." For the sake of brevity, here's just a couple:

So a while ago I walk in the house at about 9:30 p.m. (And I think this was one of the days where I left my internship early .) The 4-year-old was concentrating on trying to fold a blanket, but he looks up and says, "You be comin in this house too late."
I had to ask. "What time am I supposed to come in?"
He goes, "Prolly bout like...bout like..2:30."
cool...cool...

A couple days ago my cousin asks me to watch the youngest child while he stepped out for a minute. As soon as he leaves, the 2-year-old starts trying to put on his shoes so he can leave too. I said, "You can't go outside."
He said, "Yes."
I said, "No."
He said, "Yes."
I said, "No sir. You cannot. No!"
He said, "You being bad."
I'm like, whoa...cuz clearly it's the other way around. So I had to get clarification. I said, "Who being bad??"
This man says, "YOU being bad, and when my daddy get home he gon whoop yo ass."