Gaydar

Well, ladies, I know many of us believe our sense of "gaydar" is allll the wayyy turnt up. But let me tell you, since I've been in the A, I haven't seen many of the flamboyant homosexual men I was promised. Nope, on the contrary, MOST of the men I looked at and went, "Now, he's well put-together" have turned out to have...other interests.

With this in mind, in some instances it's just safer to assume guilty until proven innocent. (Please excuse the connotation of the word "guilty." I'm not saying being gay is a bad thing, I'm just saying it's bad for the women who might be pursuing you unawares.)
Granted, the only searching I'm doing these days is for jobs. But I have noticed some signs to help you weed out the posers. NO! This list is not foolproof, or politically correct...it's just some things that I have noticed:

1. Note his posture. Gay guys tend to have excellent posture. Like they're about to take off into a spread eagle leap. If he's standing rail straight and there's no wall behind him? Or sitting on a stool with his back perfectly perpendicular to the table? Maybe...

2. Check his clique. You might have a gay cousin, butttt chances are heterosexual black men won't have a posse FULL of homosexual men. It's just not likely. SO if your friend is faking but he hangs with dudes who aren't...then, maybe.

3. Overly flirtatious. Maybe he's trying to overcompensate by acting like he wants to freak every girl in the world. I've had guys flirt with me who were high on my suspect list, and I'm just like, who you think you foolin? I guess you thought he was into you, telling your friends, "He always saying sum lil slick stuff every time he see me. He be whisperin all in my ear. He hit me on my butt when we were leaving class, he be kissin me all on my cheek talkin bout when we gon go out..." BUTTTT he ain't asked for that number yet, has he? And if he has it, how many times has he called you? Exactly....

4. Another overcompensation technique: Is he quick to label other people gay? You walkin thru the mall with him, lookin at the shoes in the window and he comes out of nowhere, feigning aggravation, like, "*huffs* Look at them fags over there! They so damn gay." BE YE NOT DECEIVED, my sista! He aint sick of seein em everywhere - maybe the way he stopped in his tracks, threw one hand on his hip, sighed extra loud and started scratching behind his ear was his gaydar going off and his way of telling them, "I see you, bayb!"

5. This one applies for famous men...is he always dating a chick who's not black? I call them the 'cover girls.' He'll have a white girl on his arm at events, but it's just for appearances because, Becky, I hate to say it - you have NO gaydar. Idk if the idea of snagging a brotha is so appealing that you can't tell a gay one from a straight one...but look at ppl like Ne-Yo, John Legend and to an extent, even Jamie Foxx...and Kanye West. You won't see them with any woman who fails the paper bag test. Yea, Amber, keep on usin Kanye...cuz he's using you too, "Cover Girl."

6. Listen to his stories. I'm trying to tell you, sumtimes you need to just shut up and listen - it might catch you from falling. When he's telling you about his trysts and adventures, he will always use gender-neutral terms. The story will go like this, "So I was posed to go out last nite, but the person I'm dealin wit started actin stupid. They was not answering the fone, they act like they ain't get my texts. I'm bout to be done with them." (As opposed to a straight dude, who mite say sumthin like, "Man, this girl I was tryna get at last nite was bad as hell, but that hoe was on sum otha sh*t.")

7. And this last one is my foolproof, never fails, all I need to see to be sure. It's so simple, but it'll save your life. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CHECK THE WAY HE HOLDS HIS PHONE. I don't care if he's talking, texting or browsing. Watch the way he retrieves it from his pocket (or holster), how he dials the numbers and ESP. the way he holds it to his ear. I KNOW phones are getting smaller and smaller these days. It was uncomfortable to watch a big man hold a tiny-ass RAZR phone. But if he's straight, he still will hold that boy without broken wrists. If the fone is like cradled to his ear and his wrists are just all bent up...no no, boo-boo. Strate dudes hold that fone at a 90-degree angle. The head mite tilt into the fone, but not the wrists. Gay dudes will form acute angles with that wrist. I'm just telling you what I KNOW. If his head is straight or tilted, the acute wrist angles are still in effect regardless.
If he flips that fone out his pocket...no no, boo-boo. If he points while talking to you as an extension of the hand gestures he's making...no no, boo-boo.

I know you mite have exceptions to the rule, and you might say, "Well, maybe he's just feminine"...and that's fine, and that's why YOU gon get caught out there. All I know is, if I see a dude givin all kindsa fone flair, I just know he's not man enuf for me.