Here's What You Don't Do

Not that I know everything...but here's an accumulation of "things I know for sure" that I really feel will be helpful for you to bear in mind:

1. So I know the clothes are cute and cheap. I, too, get excited at the sight of $9.50 denim and $5.50 long-sleeve tees in jeweled colors. Just know that anything you buy from Forever 21 has a shelf life of two-three uses. I'm ride or die for Forever in spite of this fact, but I just don't want you to be surprised at that HUGE hole in your armpit or at the neck part of your turtleneck after you wash it one time.

2. Again, I know the price was right, and it said "sensitive solutions"...but those earrings from Claire's are still going to burn your earlobes after while. And that green stuff? Might be poisonous...

3. Don't confuse family with friends. When there's no over-arching regard for the institution of family and a lack of respect for your common bloodline, then you get issues such as cliques and extended silences and whatnot. You ever uttered the phrase, "That b*tch bet not ask me for shyt!" about a friend, right? But not your fam, I hope...

4. Don't drop an album without tellin folks to check for it. I mean, seriously, Robin Thicke does one little funky performance on BET with that pirate mustacchio, and all of a sudden the album is in stores tomorrow. You ain't ready yet! You need a buzzzzz and maybe a video and all kinds of promo. Now I gotta wait til I find some more money because I found out today at the last minute, and my $15 for the week went to Old Navy for sum boots.

5. DO NOT; I repeat, DO NOT ever buy underwear from Rainbow, Rave or Forman Mills. First of all, you instantly brand yourself by wearing anything with "baby girl" printed all over it. But beyond that, I'm just tellin you what I know - wearing undergarments from said stores will lead to a day of much discomfort. I know, I know...you got five bras and five panties for the price of Victoria Secret's cheapest bra...but this is one very accurate case of, you get what you pay for. Just trust me.

6. Don't get drunk with friends who encourage hoe-ish activity. If you roll with the thirsty chicks who are trying to get chose, you might as well show up by yourself to a frat party and get stanky-legg drunk because it's all the same. No one will be looking out for your well-being, your intoxicated self included. If everyone gets too drunk to drive, please believe a group of guys has noticed - and will be willing to "help" you out.

7. Don't have sex with anyone whom you only know by first name or nickname. I know, you wanna have fun sometimes! All your friends have one-night stands all the time, and u wanna let your hair down tonight. OK, but with your luck, that one time will leave you with a baby. And it's impossible to get child support from that guy you met at the club whose name you barely heard because the music was so loud. "What you say - Trey? Huh? Ray? Huh? Dontay?"

8. DON'T get cherries tattooed on your breasts....don't let your mama do it either. Please.

***I'm sure I'll have more to add later. In the vein of Oprah's "Things I Know for Sure" are there any life lessons you'd like to add to "Here's What You Don't Do."