When Music was Music

You ever get in this mood where you just want to sing? Like, be in your car rolling down the street having a concert by your own self? Most of the time when this spirit hits, I turn to a station that plays oldies.

1. Because new music oftentimes doesn't move me like that and transcend my spirit to a soothing place.
2. Because new music often fails to emote the passion (and pure vocal skill) of older music.
3. And because new music often has lyrics that are kinda shallow.

With this in mind, I heard this old Patti Labelle song a week or two ago. And I was compelled to sing along. The lyrics just hit me - "I love and need and want you baby. Love and need and want you baby."

Because honestly, I don't know about you, but the person I'm with? I need him to do all three: love and need and want me.

CHURCH-isms

So, if you know me, you know I love church. But you also know I'm an editor at heart. And the editor part of my brain is a part I simply cannot turn off. Yes, I do. I mentally edit your sermon while you're speaking. I'm sorry. I do.

And for the life of me, I just don't understand this dignified, sanctified, educated (thru the sudden calling of Christ) church vocabulary we have. You know, where you hissss every word that endsss in the letter s? And we take the long route to the end of the sentence instead of the direct one? For instance:

-"You know here at XYZ Baptist Cathedral, we come to just love on God today. We have a good time just loving on God."....as opposed to just loving Him. Is loving on Him different than just...loving Him? Cuz maybe I've been doing this love thing wrong...

OR

-"Lord, we welcome you to visit us on tonight"... or "Meet us on Tuesday"
...as opposed to the Lord just visiting us tonight. That extra on didn't make the visitation sound better or more significant. It just made me cringe that you put that word there and you didn't need it, cuz if you take it out your sentence means the same thing, and sounds better.

And then we do things like take a very simple word, but make it sound important by changing it to the adverb past present participle...i.e., last night, I was told I was at a "dedicatorial service." Sound it out-Six syllables, people. Not just a "dedication," but a "dedicatory occasion." Yessss, very auspiciousssss-sounding, indeed.

And don't u love the catch phrases we coin in the church? (Most of which must rhyme.) No lie, Jesse Jackson spoke at a church I recently attended. And he said, "You get your stars from your scars." AND THEN THEY FLIP IT FOR EMPHASIS, USING THE COMMUNICATIVE PROPERTY OF EQUALITY: "For if there are no scars, you get no stars." He went on to say, "You get your glory from your story...and if there is no story,then you get no glory." Yesss, that wasss deep. Indeed.

And tell the truth, you know your pastor just got hold to a phrase he heard in a rap song that was out 10 years ago, and he is wearing that line outtt! YOU KNOW within the past month, your pastor told you to touch your neighbor and say, "Whoomp, there it is!" Or, "It's getting hot in here..." Or maybe he's still dropping sumthing "like it's hot."

Hand, (not 'and,' but 'hand'-short 'a' sound)you know we're good for some acronyms. Last night the first lady was talking about how the adversary tried to move against her. And she said to find that devil under your feet, look him in the eye and say, "BAM!" 'BAM! You shouldn'tve tried to hurt me. BAM! You tried to burn me down. BAM! You shouldn'tve touched me. BAM!" And do you know what BAM stands for...yep, you guessed it: Blessings And Miracles. BAM, devil, BAM!

And I'm not Baptist, so forgive me, but nobody taught me the roll call you must recite in order to give your testimony. "Giving honor to God, who is the Head of my life. The anointed pastor of this house, first lady, deacons, mothers, pulpit and all the members of this congregation. I bring you greetings on behalf of Greater Mt. Huron AME Missionary Baptist Church, 1234 Michigan Avenue, where Rev. Jeffrey G. Jackson is the pastor...." By time you get through all that, I'm seriously thinking about where I'm going for dinner afterward...and trying not to check my phone for missed texts....

One day I'ma tweet an entire service for y'all in real time, so you can see what I'm talking about.

Why Is It That?

*It rains the first part of every week in Atlanta?

*It rains as soon as you do your hair?

*They love to kidnap little girls in Florida? Every time I see a headline containing the words, "Missing Girl," 9 times out of 10, she's missing in the state of Florida...I love Florida, personally, but if I have girls, maybe that's not the place to settle.

*Most of the gay men you know are hilarious? Like, really, are they born with heightened comic abilities? (Was that stereotypical? Yes. Buttt it's based on personal observation....as is their innate musical abilities, as well.)

*Old black women don't go gray...they go blonde. Women of other races do it too, but honestly, it's more noticeable and (garish) because most often, it conflicts with their skin tones. Thereby, in your effort to look younger, you actually get the opposite effect and wind up dating yourselves.

Monica: Still Standing

My girl is back, y'all! I love Monica, so I have nothing bad to say about this show of hers on BET. Compared to other shows, I guess all I have to say is, if you're a classy person who's really about your business, then the show can't really make you look like anything else. She does a bit of preaching on each episode, but I'm not mad at that. The lil acoustic concert at the end of each show? Now, that's another story.

Kudos to mama Monica, workin hard to become relevant again. The only thing I pray is that they distinguish btw making a Monica album, and a Keyshia Cole album (bcuz thats what that one Missy Elliott-produced track sounded like). KC has stolen sum of Monica's schtick, a tatted up hood girl who makes hits...or whatnot. Difference is, I ride for Monica, and I just cant get wit KC.

And one time for those BIG head kids....they musta hurt coming out, I swear! But they are cute.

And while I'm talking about BET, I honestly must say that I enjoyed the Hip Hop Awards more than the regular BET Awards!

7 x 70

This is a serious issue.

Ladies are the most forgiving people ever. And we know that's what you're "supposed" to do, butttt we sometimes sit right on the borderline between being "forgiving" and being a wishy-washy, weak female.

I read something a while ago that said, "There's no real harm in being deceived." I mean, you get your feelings hurt; you might be mistrustful of others for a while, but what's the real harm? We can argue that, but honestly, it seems like whenever we're forgiving, we're just kinda giving a dude a chance to evenutally hoe us again..... becuz they usually do. If you forgive but keep your walls up, are you really doing it right? I had sum1 apologize to me not too long ago...said how much they missed talking to me and everything...first I wanted to say OK and ignore them...then that little conscience of mine told me to be a bigger person. BUT now, here it is again, and that person is no longer speaking to me. Again. Yea, we really squashed that beef.

I'ma invite yall to share your stories and let me judge if you were being a good-hearted Christian or if you were just silly and weak. lol

You Just Oughta Quit

I'm going to just give you a transcript of a recent conversation with a friend-type guy...i guess I'll say friend, but we all hav ppl we can only handle in small doses. Whenever I see him, I know it wont be long before he says or does something so dumb that I can no longer stand his presence.

Last week when I was tryna outlive the swine flu, I just didn't feel like being bothered by this young man. Of course, he had a calling phase where he thought it was cool to call me like every day. I ignored every call, except for the last one, when my conscience told me, "maybe you should see what he wants."....sometimes, good ppl, it's OK to ignore the voice in your head.

I called him back. This man says, "I know you see I called you today. And twice yesterday, and the day before."

I said: "You aint call me the day before."

He said: "Man, you lyin. Anyway, uh, that dont even matter. What you doin?"

I said: "Nothin."

He said: "Come see me."

******* Ok. At this point, I can't believe he had the balls to say that with a straight face. Like he thought it was gon work. Like he really thought I was gon jump up, run outside to my car, and fly to wherever he was. And whichever young lady actually came over the last time he said that to you, please KYS ************

I said: "I'm straight." (which should not surprise you at all, lol)

DIG HIS RESPONSE: "What you say? You straight? Whaaat? That's how we do now, n*gga? That's how it is now? Whaat?! Alright then." Then he paused, like he really couldnt believe I said anything other than OK. Then he said, "Where you at?"

Me: "My house."

Him: "And you can't come see me? That's how it is now? OK"

Me: "Alright, bye." Click.

No commentary on this one, y'all...well, a little. What kinda chick I look like with a boyfriend, jumpin up cuz anotha dude (with a girl and a baby) decides he wants me to go out of my way to see him...he tried me. he did.

Try Returning the Favor

Some of us have jobs that allow us to call in for the day. Others of us (mainly these no/low pay gigs) have jobs that have to "document" your absences and require you to find someone to cover your shift.

Well, I promise, people call or text me every day asking me to cover their shift....but it's crickets whenever I need someone to cover for me. Sometimes you wanna be spiteful and say no based on the prinicple of the matter...then you remember that you really could use that money from that extra day!

This is an actual story. No lie:

I texted all the girls I work with last Tuesday. "I'm coming down with something and I feel like crap. Can anyone please work my 9:45-5 shift tomorrow?" Do you know all them heffas ignored me? Except for one, who told me she already worked at that time.

But then this one dizzy girl had the nerve to text me later THE SAME DAY: "Would anyone want to work my 5-close tonight?"

*****Wow, was my first thought. You shoulda sent that to everybody BUT me*******

Then this sharp pencil had the nerve to CALL me and ask, "Did you get my message?"
I paused. Cuz I wanted to reach out and slap her. I said, "Yea, ummmm did you get MY msg. I don't feel good."

The girl cuts me off, "Oh yea yea, that's right...so do u know who WOULD want to work for me, like who would want some hours?"

***** I was so blown by that I didn't know what to say. I shoulda hung up in her d*mn face. I'm like, "Um, try Sara" THEN she texted me the very NEXT day asking me to cover her next Tuesday night shift. smh.

That trick is unreal. When I go back to work, I'ma leave a note by the schedule stating that I am available to NEW PPL only to cover shifts.

GIVE ME A BREAK!

Yall dudes get on my nerves. Talkin bout you want a "5-Star Chick"; but what the heck is she supposed to get out the deal?

I just saw this dang Yo Gotti video. Now he know he wrong. Want a SUPER-bad chick, but he walkin round with that great big water jug head. *smh* I really didnt know he was that unattractive. I know, I know, "looks aren't everything" - a phrase most often spoken by women. They want you to be perfect, though...but you posed to chase him with that hard-to-get-around head.
And he looks 5 feet tall and slightly cross eyed.
How many stars YOU bringin to the table?...I got mine, but I'm just sayin, y'all stay at a two talkin bout u want a 5...it aint right.

It's the God in Me

Definitely not hatin'....I've enjoyed this song since I bought the album (last year)....and it's certainly a good idea that if you're going to try to reach people, use something they would like. BUT you can't convince me that "God in Me" doesn't sound just like Trey Songz "Invented Sex"/Letoya and Luda "Regret"/Jamie Foxx "Blame It." If you click on the following links, it sounds like one continuous song. (It's the God in You must regret the day that you left A-a-a--a-al-cohol...YUPPP!













NO WONDER suma y'all don't know this is a gospel song! (it also sounds like T-Pain produced it)

Code of Silence

I've said this in so many words before, but let me be clear: I hate "up North" dudes. Having gone to school in Florida (and visited a couple other places in my lifetime), I really do think you all are the most arrogant and rude group of brothas there is.

Beyond being brainwashed to the point of internalizing mainstream standards of beauty (as in, trust me on this, when I was a waitress with natural hair I made no money. Wheneva i threw sum long weave in it, a sista was eatin good that week...or the case of a guy who told me my fuschia birthday dress was tight, but I shoulda found sum fuschia pumps to match. I'm like, if it's that deep, YOU give me $80 to go to Baker's and find sum matching stripper shoes, then, damn), I draw my conclusion from sumthing more simple that that.

Basically, it's this: Northern guys do not speak to women they do not find attractive. They literally do not acknowledge those women. They will not hold the door open, they will not say good morning, or respond when you do. They don't see you.

No woman wants to be so vain as to think that every man who speaks to her is trynna get on...but really, guys, you've proven this to be the fact.

Southern guys and older gentleman speak to every body. They'll carry your groceries in your house and don't need your name or your number. They'll chat with you in line at the bank because, well...ur there and he's there, and you both have time to kill. They don't care about that other stuff; they're just social and/or polite, or they find it entertaining to chat. But Up North guys? Nah...

And one thing that really blows my mind is this: If you are brought sumwhere by a guy, the other men there will not speak to you. Period. If the guy who invited you does not introduce you, you will not be greeted. I've even been over a guy's house for a considerable length of time around dudes who didn't think it was reasonable to say Hi, for whatever reason.

If the guy your with introduces you, the other dude says "what up doe?" and keeps it movin...that's the whole exchange. Maybe when you leave, they say to your guy, "D*mn, N*gga, what happened to Keisha? She was straight..." Your guy might ask, "she dont look good too?" and they probly say, "she straight, but damn, Keisha was tight tho"...or sumthin...I really dont kno.

At any rate, I just think it's rude of yall not to speak to females you don't wanna get on. It's just a basic acknowledgment of your presence; doesn't mean I think you're my man now because we exchanged salutations....on the same hand, some of you all really do think that because I said Hello, I was giving you an invitation to the drawls...NO, boo-boo, that's how YOU think, not me.

Addendum to Fear of Rejection

A friend of mine posed this alternative to shut down the unwanted gentlemen callers: Wear a ring on the finger reserved for wedding bands.

Well, I tried that when I was a waitress. It does not curb the convos you don't want to have, they just go like this:

"Wait, I know that's not a wedding ring...is it? You married?"
You: "Yes, I am."
NOW THIS IS WHERE THEY KEEP TALKING TO TRY TO ASSESS WHATEVER ADVANTAGE THEY MIGHT HAVE:

"Oh, for real...You happy? Is he treating you right?"
You: "Yep"
Them: "Oh, damn, the good ones always taken...make sure you tell him he's a lucky man."

Ummmm, my n*gga dont wanna hear that sh*t! I'm supposed to come home and say, "Boo, this dude at the store said to tell you you're a lucky man."
...what is he supposed to say in response? I know what I'd say, "Tell that whack n*gga f*ck you."

And let's address this, "Is he taking care of you?" question. I haven't had a dude yet to bankroll my weave :o( but I do KNOW that A lot of guys consider this to mean, he pays for you to get your hair done every two weeks and pays for your visits to the nail salon. They do this in place of things like, say, hmmm...being loyal, for example. If that's "Taking care of your woman," I guess I'll keep rockin with what I got.

Quick Hits II

1. For anyone who's ever been a cashier, why is it that ppl put the money on the counter, but expect you to put the change in their hand?

2. Why is it that the lamest, most low-paying jobs are always the most strict? Don't do this dont do that dont wear that never say this dont ever call off dont ever be 1 minute late etc etc etc...for damn $7.40? Y'all act like this is a four-star, world-class, high-profile, seriously important to the success of our contry-type enterprise or sumthin, dang....

3. And just because I'm curious, can you make an ice cream float using beer?

Rules of Etiquette

In one of those, "Is it just me; am I trippin moments?" I'd like to put in the middle of a scenario and have you tell me who should do what:

Let's say you are hanging with your significant other. Perhaps the two of you are at his parents' house in the kitchen, when his mother walks in. Now, I've been taught that you speak when you enter a room...but since it's her house (or w/e her logic may be), are you supposed to speak first?

My ppl speak when they walk in the house, regardless (cuz really, that's what you're supposed to do)...but evyrbody's parents aren't like that; so is it her job to speak or mine?

Fear of Rejection

We understand that girls are like buses: miss one, next 15 one comin'....(Thanks, Gucci) With that said, for sum guys it's nuthin to stand around and holla at girls all day long. If she says, Yes, cool...you got another number for sport (cuz u likely wont call)...but if she says no, then you cuss her out and keep going.

So for women like me who are tired of being called b*tches and whatnot, the question is: HOW EXACTLY WOULD U LIKE TO BE REJECTED?

Because rejection is inevitable.

It's not that I'm so gorgeous that I just get hit on allll day. It's just that of the men who do hit on me, I'm not interested in 99% of them. And for that other 1%, it doesn't matter anyway bcuz I'm unavailable.

AND I KNOW you've dealt with girls with boyfriends before who still let you hit...which is why when I say I have a man, you keep talkin. But I'm not that girl (anymore, tryin sumthin different in the 09), so what can I say that is a proper deterrent?

Currently, as I walk into the gas station and hear the shouts of, "Scuse me!" "Hey Sexy!" "How you doin?" etc etc, I just ignore you and keep walking. That turns into, "You too good to talk to me?" and "Damn you cant slow down for a minute?" and "You cant tell me your name?"

At which point I say "Hello, how are you" without even looking at you. Or I say, "Donna." Then I keep walking....y'all dont seem to like that very much, either. And if you actually stop what ur doing to follow me, Oh buddy, that just annoys me even more. Cuz I definitely heard you the first time...I just didn't wanna speak. Rollin up on me and repeating urself certainly won't change that fact.

But seriously, what do you want me to say to you? There's no need for this bs convo you wanna try to have:

"Scuse me; What's your name? You seein sum1 special? Can I call you sometime?"

Call me for what? Ur ugly, or u have on a tall tee (still), or u look like you're still in high school, OR you look like you have kids my age, or ur breath stinks OR ur teeth are in ur mouth with their own perogative, OR you didn't even take the time to brush your hair this morning, OR you said sumthin stupid like, "You should take my number down." No dummy, you approached me, there4 I have NO incentive to call you... You don't care if I'm seeing someone or not, so why did you even ask? And my name doesnt matter cuz I don't wanna know yours. AND most of yall illiterate fools couldn't hold a convo with me for 5 minutes, trust me. I'm like, dang, can I just get this bag of chips right quick without having to find a way to reject sumbody today?

Maybe I should just run by, throw my hand in ur face and shout "NO, N*GGA, DAMN! GET OUT MY FACE!"

I mean,for real. The guys who are brave enuf to holla are ALWAYS the unacceptables. Since I know this from jump, by ignoring you I'm saving you sum trouble. But y'all seem to have a problem with that. If I'm nice and I listen to your petition, state my name and then say, "I'm straight/I'm good" or "No, thank you" then you wanna ask me why? If I ask sumone for their number and they say no, I dont need to ask why...but yall do. At which point, I gotta stop with the fake smile and get hostile.

So in order to avoid all this, guys, tell us, since you must get rejected, how do you prefer us to do so???

Blvd of Broken Dreams

Thus far, I've been to cities such as Miami, NYC, Chicago, Tallahassee, New Orleans, Paris, London, and many more.

But nowhere have I seen as many bums as in downtown Detroit. OMG!!!!

I know, I know, 'But for the grace of God, there go I," but WHY WHY Why is it that winos and crazy folk ALWAYS seem to have $1.50 for the bus???!

One week I'm going to send my sister on the bus with a hidden camera and let y'all experience what she sees for a week...cuz the shyt is amazing. The sights, the sounds, the smells, the he-shes...you never know what to expect on the DOT...or when you'll reach your destination. (Don't take my idea, ppl!)

But one thing I do know, is all the crazy, homeless folks seem to either be heading to Downtown Detroit...or leaving from it. It's like they convene for their morning meeting, get their assignments for the day, disperse, then scrape up enuf change to come back tomorrow and do it again.

Really, where do they go? And if they have sumwhere to go at nite, then who is supposed to watch them during the day? .....Cuz they have failed.

Been a Long Time, Shouldn'ta Left You

HELLLOOOO GOOD PPL!
DevaDonna is so sorry, this is not how u treat ppl you love - just up and leavin without a "so long" or a "hold on." I gots to do better.

So today, as usual after a long absence, I have quite a few things to talk about. And this is where I'd like to begin:



With this funny ass pic I snapped at the grocery store today.
The tagline says: "Start Your Day With A Roar!"

Breakfast of Champions? I think not....