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Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
Why Men Marry Bitches Who Think Like A Man
In my younger days, I read a book called "Why Men Love Bitches."
Actually, the complete title is "Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship (by Sherry Argov)." See figure below:
Perhaps in 2002, the advice Ms. Argov dispensed was revolutionary. From what I remember, she basically took 300 pages to say to women, 'Get a life and keep a life, even after you get a man.'
You're welcome; I just saved you about a week of reading time. For some reason, I recently decided to borrow the sequel "Why Men Marry Bitches" from my friend. It has taken me three months to read two chapters. This must be because it's a pretty corny and annoying book.
I realized very quickly into Argov's book that she was telling me how to play games. Um, Sherry, I like to watch games, not play them. I avoid situations where I'd have to implement a 60-day plan, a 90-day rule or a wait-3-days-then-call-and-don't-respond-to-texts-first guideline. That's too much damn work! I closed the book because I'm not cut out for courting rituals that require me to one-up a man to "catch" him and "reel him in." You like me or you don't. No head games necessary.
Actually, the complete title is "Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship (by Sherry Argov)." See figure below:
Perhaps in 2002, the advice Ms. Argov dispensed was revolutionary. From what I remember, she basically took 300 pages to say to women, 'Get a life and keep a life, even after you get a man.'
You're welcome; I just saved you about a week of reading time. For some reason, I recently decided to borrow the sequel "Why Men Marry Bitches" from my friend. It has taken me three months to read two chapters. This must be because it's a pretty corny and annoying book.
I realized very quickly into Argov's book that she was telling me how to play games. Um, Sherry, I like to watch games, not play them. I avoid situations where I'd have to implement a 60-day plan, a 90-day rule or a wait-3-days-then-call-and-don't-respond-to-texts-first guideline. That's too much damn work! I closed the book because I'm not cut out for courting rituals that require me to one-up a man to "catch" him and "reel him in." You like me or you don't. No head games necessary.
Yes, I caved in and read Steve Harvey's "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man." Again, it was some straight-up common sense that has somehow grossed that man many thousands of dollars. SMH @ the women of the world!
Next month a love coach named Paul Carrick Brunson, whom I follow on Twitter - and who appears on the OWN show "Lovetown, USA" - will be releasing a book titled "It's Complicated (But It Doesn't Have to Be): A Modern Guide to Finding and Keeping Love." Now that's a dating book I'd read, simply because I agree with the premise. Most of the "advice" we receive is a bunch of crap because love is simple. Corinthians 13 has it covered. Plus, when a guy really likes a woman, his choices seem to defy all logic. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!
- They say not to be clingy. I know some clingy, needy, desperate women that are getting engaged and married right now.
- They say not to have sex on the first date. I hear this is only a problem for black men. Some people are married to folk that were first-night smashes.
- They say to be independent and have your own everything. That's cool, but these millionaire men are out here snatching up nannies, waitresses and yoga teachers.
- And so forth, and so on.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Sh!t's Not Real Enough Yet
I have friends who can go out and barely spend a dime. Meanwhile, I need a drink or two along with my meal and appetizer.
Lesson 1: Alcohol ain't cheap.
Lesson 2: Especially if at a chain restaurant, the food won't even taste that good.
Lesson 3: And it's likely overpriced for the portion size.
I've long admired those who have the ability to "live on less." Though I know discipline is needed in these times, I've tended to act out in rebellion. "I still deserve to enjoy myself," I say, as I indulge in some vice that only briefly makes me feel better, if at all.
A mentor who was applauding himself for finally getting out of credit car debt paraphrased the tough journey by saying he wound up paying hundreds of dollars in interest - on top of the price tag - for stuff he can't even remember buying in the first place...yeah, that sounds about right.
Yesterday I spent $22 on accessories when all I wanted was a headband to cover my edges. I wanted a blazer (I'll need it for my future job, I reasoned) and some shorts (for next summer!) as well, but those damn earrings cost way too much, and they were final sale. I immediately felt all kinds of buyer's remorse. I sat down for lunch and was so mad that I didn't have the discipline to tell myself NO for once.
Note: Such remorse is unusual. It usually comes only after making emergency purchases such as a new car battery, or purchases for others, such as cat food.
And then it hit me: Earlier I'd been chiding my sister for having a sh*tty job and not trying to find a better one. "Sh*t's not real enough for her," I said.
Because she still has the luxury of mommy and daddy footing the big bills - and helping her in-between - the situation isn't dire enough for her to actively pursue something else. And whilst I was beholding the mote in her eye, I wasn't considering the beam in my own.
I have a shopping problem. And it's only a problem because I buy these items with credit, which means I really can't afford them at all. Until recently, I've always had good credit, so getting another card wasn't an issue. But if I didn't have the luxury of a card, how would I purchase these items? Exactly: I wouldn't. I need to get just that real with myself. If I don't have physical dollars and coins, I don't have it. And I KNOW I'm only hurting myself in the long run. When you knowingly continue to do things that are deleterious, that makes you an addict. It's not crack, it's not liquor, but it's harmful to my financial health and well-being. I am putting myself further at a disadvantage with every receipt I rack up, and as someone who claims to hate being in debt, that just doesn't make sense.
They say admitting your problem is the first step. So I'm owning it. And while I really believe in buying stuff before I need it so I can stay ready for 'come what may,' I have to challenge myself to live on what I make...not what I hope I'll make later so I can pay for it then.
*Deep Breath* This isn't going to be easy....
LOOK MA! I'm in ESSENCE!(.com)
SO thanks to the power of Facebook, I responded to a call and was able to squeak out a column for ESSENCE.com. I am so happy that I was given this opportunity. It (and the subsequent support I've received) were certainly the highlight of my week!
Curly Commentary: 'My Boyfriend Encouraged Me To Go Natural'
Monday, August 13, 2012
In Praise of Steebie J
Alright, I'll go ahead and say it. I mess with Joseline from the Vh1 show "Love and Hip Hop Atlanta."
Is she a ratchet side piece who doesn't know her place? Yes.
Is she a strip-ho? Yes, and usually they automatically get a credit score of -000.
Buuuuttttt I like this chick. Damnit. This contradicts so many other posts from me, but my educated homegirl and I have discussed that she just might be the realest woman on that farce of a show, and if you know DevaDonna, real recognize real is the motto.
Now, please allow me to defend my position with specific and accurate facts.
1. Joseline's body is on point. She paid for the tatas, she said it, and I usually give demerits for falsies. But they're a prop. Her parents were poor immigrants who don't speak English (which is likely why Joseline can't either. I mean, really, would a cat raised by dogs still purr? Who knows, just throwing that out there), her brother has autism and she was doing what she had to do to help pay the mortgage. Yes, the mortgage. And his medication. Everybody has a damn sob story, I know. So what, her body is still enviable. She looks like a track runner, and them b!tches iz bad. Allegedly, she's working on a fitness DVD. Am I gonna cop it? Sh*t yeah.
2. She contradicts herself often when it comes to Steebie, but there are flashes of clarity. For instance, in one episode she met with a manager or somebody without Stevie's knowledge. The girl said, "Steebie don't make or break me." I respected that! She is determined to make it with or without his help, leading us to believe she is not just effin' for tracks. Now, two days after that she'll be in somebody's magazine talking about how she does whatever her daddy tells her to do...but show me one woman who hasn't been stuck on stupid over a man.
3. Joseline was on the radio in Detroit on Sunday talking mad tough. She said, "I am an international pop goddess, and I'm standing by that." She went on to say that she is a dream catcher, and she is always going to catch her dreams. At the end of the day, she is going to go get everything she wants out of life. Forget what people say, Joseline thinks Joseline has talent. She also has a giving heart. On the radio she said she was giving bottles and money to the baddest girls in the club because "times are hard out here. If I can help pay a light bill or whatever, Ima do it. It's nothing to me." (Did she swag on that azz a little bit right there? OK, but "how do players play? Every day, all day.") She doesn't hate on other women, and encouraged all of us to realize "we run the show."
Above all, THAT is why I like her. She has unshakable confidence. She believes in herself. She has enough self-esteem to package and sell it to the rest of us, and I honestly admire that. So go ahead, clown me if you want. And be honest: every straitlaced person has a ratchet idol or alter ego. Who's yours?
Is she a ratchet side piece who doesn't know her place? Yes.
Is she a strip-ho? Yes, and usually they automatically get a credit score of -000.
Buuuuttttt I like this chick. Damnit. This contradicts so many other posts from me, but my educated homegirl and I have discussed that she just might be the realest woman on that farce of a show, and if you know DevaDonna, real recognize real is the motto.
1. Joseline's body is on point. She paid for the tatas, she said it, and I usually give demerits for falsies. But they're a prop. Her parents were poor immigrants who don't speak English (which is likely why Joseline can't either. I mean, really, would a cat raised by dogs still purr? Who knows, just throwing that out there), her brother has autism and she was doing what she had to do to help pay the mortgage. Yes, the mortgage. And his medication. Everybody has a damn sob story, I know. So what, her body is still enviable. She looks like a track runner, and them b!tches iz bad. Allegedly, she's working on a fitness DVD. Am I gonna cop it? Sh*t yeah.
2. She contradicts herself often when it comes to Steebie, but there are flashes of clarity. For instance, in one episode she met with a manager or somebody without Stevie's knowledge. The girl said, "Steebie don't make or break me." I respected that! She is determined to make it with or without his help, leading us to believe she is not just effin' for tracks. Now, two days after that she'll be in somebody's magazine talking about how she does whatever her daddy tells her to do...but show me one woman who hasn't been stuck on stupid over a man.
3. Joseline was on the radio in Detroit on Sunday talking mad tough. She said, "I am an international pop goddess, and I'm standing by that." She went on to say that she is a dream catcher, and she is always going to catch her dreams. At the end of the day, she is going to go get everything she wants out of life. Forget what people say, Joseline thinks Joseline has talent. She also has a giving heart. On the radio she said she was giving bottles and money to the baddest girls in the club because "times are hard out here. If I can help pay a light bill or whatever, Ima do it. It's nothing to me." (Did she swag on that azz a little bit right there? OK, but "how do players play? Every day, all day.") She doesn't hate on other women, and encouraged all of us to realize "we run the show."
Above all, THAT is why I like her. She has unshakable confidence. She believes in herself. She has enough self-esteem to package and sell it to the rest of us, and I honestly admire that. So go ahead, clown me if you want. And be honest: every straitlaced person has a ratchet idol or alter ego. Who's yours?
Money Can't Buy Common Sense
"For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"I tend to think of this verse when celebs do dumb sh*t, as they often do. In all of our idol worship, have we considered that while these people put incredble effort into their crafts, much less attention is paid to their character? Unfortunately, they don't have to - being rich is a license to do what you want to do.
-Mark 8:36
However, the rules aren't necessarily the same for everyone, and my heart aches when I see that the Boo-Boo the Fool being trashed today on the blogosphere is a black, male athlete. It's like watching a horror movie, when you see someone going into the house instead of running away from it. You scream, "Don't you know how this ends?"
Yes, this is spurred by the announcement that the Miami Dolphins released wide receiver Chad Johnson a day after he was arrested for allegedly headbutting his publicity-starved wife of one good month, Evelyn Lozada. One day. He didn't get an investigation. He didn't get the PR statement that most teams immediately give to the media, "We will reserve comment until the details become clear." Nope, they just cut his silly ass. Why can't these children seem to remember that race trumps talent, no matter how many catches, carries or yards they get? Oh, you thought it was different because you don't wear a suit and go to corporate America every day? Nope, the music's still playing. Tap dance, you must.
Now, to be fair, Chad was on his last leg after a not-so-productive season with the Patriots, plus, he's getting up in age - at 34! But his incident follows an offseason where several members of the Detroit Lions managed to get arrested twice. Too busy being young and rich I guess to be concerned with such details as calling a driver service instead of driving drunk. Or leaving the marijuana at home, not taking it along for a midnight ride through the suburbs of The D.
Some people are above the law. Ask Ben Roethlisberger. (And Charlie Sheen, sidebar.) But some are not - namely, the 67 percent of his black colleagues in the NFL. Ask Michael Vick. You won't see a game where his arrest and prison time aren't mentioned. The asterisk will forever be by his name.
But sometimes I just feel sorry for them. Because the truth is, these men are overcomers. They tend not to come from private schools and the upper echelon of society. I watch the documentaries, I read the profiles. Many of these young men fight their way to the league to get out of their deplorable surroundings. However, as the saying goes, you can take a person out the hood, but you can't take the hood out the person. Imagine that overnight you go from being hungry to being a millionaire. You know how you go all day without eating, then go to the buffet and stuff yourself silly? Translate that to a world of fame, women, drugs and other vices you can indulge in without anyone telling you no. The candy store is bigger. The prizes are shinier.
A football player called me once in high school. I answered the phone as I was raised to do, "Praise the Lord." That was essentially the beginning and ending of the conversation. But somehow he managed to tell me before the hang up that he didn't believe in God because the streets were all he knew. All he saw was his mom struggling and people getting killed. Football was going to be his way out...I'm sure he's not the only one who thinks like this.
Money doesn't change people; it amplifies who they really are. If you are selfish, you'll just be more selfish with money. If you lack discipline, money will support your gluttony. And if, perchance, you are rough around the edges and not used to having anything, money will NOT automatically give you class. Paychecks don't come with instructions on how to spend them properly (other than to not sign below that hash line on the back.) I see a lot of good people trying to survive, yet other people get blessings they aren't equipped to handle.
The sad fact is sometimes these men have it all - money, endorsements, houses plural, cars plural, a model/actress on their arms...and not a bit of sense. That's a problem football can't fix.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
On a Lighter Note
In 15 days, a Detroit man gambled away $1.5 million. Let me say that again. This (un)lucky man found that when he went to the ATM, the machine gave him WHATEVER amount of money he requested.
In a little more than two weeks, he withdrew 1-point-5 million dollars. And gave all that damn money right back to the casino!
Part of it wasn't his fault. Apparently, a bank error changed his type of account to one that allowed unlimited access to money. Whether at an ATM or at the window at one of the city's three casinos -- yes, for some reason, we have 3 casinos in like a 2-mile radius -- he found that he could take out three-figure sums each time. But just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
Personally, I know Bank of America is the devil. So they deserved it. And why didn't some type of red flag alert them that this fool took out a million bucks in 15 days? Isn't that excessive? (Y'all catch me if I'm two pennies over my limit. You couldn't tell this man only had like a couple hundred dollars in his account?)
Prosecutors recommended 15 months in prison because they believe Page had a lapse of judgment and the bank was at fault for allowing this to happen.So even as they acknowledge they were at fault, ever-so-gracious Bank of America is still trying to send the man to prison. If they want the money back, we know where it is - just take it from the casinos! As for our friend, let me be his lawyer. I guarantee if he looked a little different, they'd be recommending rehab for his serious gambling addiction. Set Ronald Page free!
What Would Make an Honor Student do This?
A 16-year-old honor student from a suburb of Detroit was supposed to take her final exams this week.
Instead she was in court today facing charges of armed carjacking.
Allegedly, she and two other girls ran up on a woman and her 3-year-old son. But the "star student" -- with no previous record -- was the one who is accused of this:
"This individual put a handgun to the head of the woman's 3-year-old son and said, 'I'll shoot his ass,'" said the judge hearing the case.I need to understand what makes a teenage girl decide to go out and attempt armed robbery. What part of that sounds like fun? Where did she get the gun and what kind of homegirls encourage you to do this for leisure?
You can read the whole story at http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/news/16-year-old-Southfield-girl-accused-of-armed-carjacking/-/4714498/14807086/-/auwx9gz/-/index.html
Monday, June 11, 2012
I go to Lunch to Take a Break...
Got a text from a friend recently who was ashamed to admit he'd avoided sitting with a coworker who he knew was headed his way at lunch.
I gotta say, I don't blame him. Sometimes you just gotta hit the "spin move" when you see Sally from the second floor heading over to thrill you with yet more stories that start with, "Oh my God, let me tell you what the baby did -- She is soooooo cute!"
Making awkward small talk with coworkers or discussing what I'm working on is NOT taking a break. If I'm talking about work, it's still work. If I'm concentrating on being politically (and grammatically correct) during our conversation, I'm still at work.
Particularly when you're fresh on the job, you're strongly advised to sit with new people every day in the lunchroom to meet folks from different cross functional departments and build rapport and whatnot. And I've also been told not to sit with the same people (read:black people) every day. OK, I can roll with that.
But sometimes you don't feel like sitting with any people! Is that selfish? Don't take it personal, it's just that I have to see you for the other 7.5 hours of my shift; I'd like these measly 30 minutes to my self!
Making awkward small talk with coworkers or discussing what I'm working on is NOT taking a break. If I'm talking about work, it's still work. If I'm concentrating on being politically (and grammatically correct) during our conversation, I'm still at work.
Particularly when you're fresh on the job, you're strongly advised to sit with new people every day in the lunchroom to meet folks from different cross functional departments and build rapport and whatnot. And I've also been told not to sit with the same people (read:black people) every day. OK, I can roll with that.
But sometimes you don't feel like sitting with any people! Is that selfish? Don't take it personal, it's just that I have to see you for the other 7.5 hours of my shift; I'd like these measly 30 minutes to my self!
Take them playclothes off!
One Saturday morning, a young guy was in there with his daughter. At about 10 a.m., the cute little girl came running by me. The dad lagged behind, texting someone... in his pajamas.
About three hours later, she came bounding by me again on her way to the exit. A few beats later, here came Dad, shuffling along like a zombie. On his cellphone. In those damn red plaid pajama pants.
Maybe my mother is bougie. But I got yelled at if my feet hit the front porch with house shoes on. Scarves weren't worn anywhere but in bed. One day I tried to do like a relative and wrap my hair because it was hot out. I didn't want my hair to sweat, nor did I want the breeze from having the car windows to blow it all over the place. Practical, right? My mother had a fit, that culminated with the directive to go buy a hat.
Which is why in college, I looked at kids with curiosity and disdain when they went to the caf in pajama pants. An ex needed to do a midnight WalMart run one day. I said give me a minute to unwrap my hair. Yes, "It's just WalMart," but still! And today, I smh every time I see a grown person in the store, in the gas station, at McDonalds wearing...pajamas.
Because it begs the question: Did you wake up, take a shower and then put the pajamas on? Probably not...
So we roll out of bed and hit the streets now? That's what we do, Fam? Hygiene optional?
Strength Needed
I wanted to share this with you: Many times we quote certain Bible verses like catchphrases, but without context, it's really just a misquote.
We're all familiar with Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." But it was interesting to me that Paul was writing this letter while in jail. I'm going to share verses 6-13 because in they say to not be anxious for anything, but to make our requests known to God with prayer and thanksgiving, then God will give us the peace to wait on Him. Paul says he learned to be content in whatever state he finds himself in -- certainly a strong message for a person in jail, but we can find meaning in that too, as young people learning to provide for ourselves and deal with life's ups and downs.
The verse about doing all things through Christ follows this: " I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need."
Paul says he knows how to have plenty, and how to be in need. How to be abased (be low in esteem and rank), how to be in need, or to be at the top. But with Christ, we have the strength to get through either season!
Usually that verse is used to empower us - You can do it! Go get that job! Go get that husband! Go conquer that...whatever it is! I don't think I'd considered before that it was written in a sense that Christ would give us the strength to bear all things, the strength to do without, the strength to go through the inevitable periods of lacking.
I hope you get something from this too! Have a great week!
6 Be
careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with
thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.
10 But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity.
11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
We're all familiar with Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." But it was interesting to me that Paul was writing this letter while in jail. I'm going to share verses 6-13 because in they say to not be anxious for anything, but to make our requests known to God with prayer and thanksgiving, then God will give us the peace to wait on Him. Paul says he learned to be content in whatever state he finds himself in -- certainly a strong message for a person in jail, but we can find meaning in that too, as young people learning to provide for ourselves and deal with life's ups and downs.
The verse about doing all things through Christ follows this: " I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need."
Paul says he knows how to have plenty, and how to be in need. How to be abased (be low in esteem and rank), how to be in need, or to be at the top. But with Christ, we have the strength to get through either season!
Usually that verse is used to empower us - You can do it! Go get that job! Go get that husband! Go conquer that...whatever it is! I don't think I'd considered before that it was written in a sense that Christ would give us the strength to bear all things, the strength to do without, the strength to go through the inevitable periods of lacking.
I hope you get something from this too! Have a great week!
Philippians 4 (King James Version)
Philippians 4
King James Version (KJV)7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.
10 But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity.
11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
An Education
"An Education" is the 2009 movie that made the adorable Carey Mulligan a star.
As it's a most convenient categorization, the film is a "coming-of-age" story about a 16-year-old girl who gets swept off her feet by an older man. She's raised in a strict household where her father has impressed upon her that getting accepted to Oxford is the reason she's alive. But seeing the value in that education gets harder when this charming older man takes her places she's always wanted to see and teaches her things she's always dreamed of experiencing.
But the film left me with two things:
1. At one point, Carey's character argues with the headmistress of her school. She asks her to justify why she should get an education in order to obtain some hard, boring job when she can just marry Prince Charming and keep enjoying her taste of the good life?
The movie's set a few decades earlier, but clearly, a lot of people are having similar doubts today. When things went awry, as those sorts of situations tend to do, she again decides that getting an education will be the key to reaching her dreams:
2. I enjoyed the movie a lot, partly because I found myself surprised at the way things unfolded. Actually, it was just what you'd expect: The man had a wife and family all along. So here's where I tell on myself: If this had been a Tyler Perry movie, I would have suspected that all along. "I knew it!" I would've said. So why didn't I find that plot turn cliche in this movie? Hmmmm....
As it's a most convenient categorization, the film is a "coming-of-age" story about a 16-year-old girl who gets swept off her feet by an older man. She's raised in a strict household where her father has impressed upon her that getting accepted to Oxford is the reason she's alive. But seeing the value in that education gets harder when this charming older man takes her places she's always wanted to see and teaches her things she's always dreamed of experiencing.
But the film left me with two things:
1. At one point, Carey's character argues with the headmistress of her school. She asks her to justify why she should get an education in order to obtain some hard, boring job when she can just marry Prince Charming and keep enjoying her taste of the good life?
"It's not enough to educate us anymore; you've got to tell us why you're doing it...It's an argument worth rehearsing. Someone else might want to know the point of it all one day."
The movie's set a few decades earlier, but clearly, a lot of people are having similar doubts today. When things went awry, as those sorts of situations tend to do, she again decides that getting an education will be the key to reaching her dreams:
"The life I want, I see there is no shortcut," she said.Yeah, I don't know if I agree with that statement. If George Clooney pulled up right now I'd jump on the back of that motorcycle. No introductions necessary.
2. I enjoyed the movie a lot, partly because I found myself surprised at the way things unfolded. Actually, it was just what you'd expect: The man had a wife and family all along. So here's where I tell on myself: If this had been a Tyler Perry movie, I would have suspected that all along. "I knew it!" I would've said. So why didn't I find that plot turn cliche in this movie? Hmmmm....
Saturday, October 8, 2011
New (old) Music
Because all "new" music is old to someone, apparently.
If you've ever shopped at the retailer that employs me, you should know we play some pretty kick-a$$ music. This song is among them, I think. I had to stop what I was doing to go in the backroom and look at the digital playlist box-thingy that shows the title and artist. I'm weird; I've worked there nearly two years off and on. I literally hear the same songs every day and I'm not tired of them yet. How is that possible?
This one has a beat that just...OK, let's say you're talking to someone. And then you just start bobbing your head. You don't know the words; don't really care what they are, you just find your head nodding and it does this every time you hear it. So you finally go, "what is that?" That's what happened here.
Enjoy "Lady Luck" by Jamie Woon. Who? Yea, I've never heard of him, either.
If you've ever shopped at the retailer that employs me, you should know we play some pretty kick-a$$ music. This song is among them, I think. I had to stop what I was doing to go in the backroom and look at the digital playlist box-thingy that shows the title and artist. I'm weird; I've worked there nearly two years off and on. I literally hear the same songs every day and I'm not tired of them yet. How is that possible?
This one has a beat that just...OK, let's say you're talking to someone. And then you just start bobbing your head. You don't know the words; don't really care what they are, you just find your head nodding and it does this every time you hear it. So you finally go, "what is that?" That's what happened here.
Enjoy "Lady Luck" by Jamie Woon. Who? Yea, I've never heard of him, either.
Friday, October 7, 2011
I'm Failing
at this post every day challenge. Turns out I don't like many of the posts over at the Wordpress page. But the only thing I want to share today is how FREAKIN excited I am that I am going to see Miguel in concert tomorrow night!
You don't understand. I'm going to be thee nicest person tomorrow at work. He BET not play me like he did that night (about a year ago) when he was at this club up here and I paid $25 and he sang ONE song. If he does that tomorrow, I bet Imma catch him in the alley.
You don't understand. I'm going to be thee nicest person tomorrow at work. He BET not play me like he did that night (about a year ago) when he was at this club up here and I paid $25 and he sang ONE song. If he does that tomorrow, I bet Imma catch him in the alley.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
A Month Out
Hard to believe that I actually left my job an entire month ago already. How's it going?
Overall, I feel good. The act of not physically going into an office 5 days a week feels good. But then I realize, um...rent is due in like 28 days. That's what I've been most concerned about. Faith is easy to "have" when you don't really need it. But the level of worry I wrestle with every other day says there might be a faith deficit going on here.
I had an interview for a great position in my field...but it left too many unanswered questions, I guess, so I turned it down. I've had two other interviews for some shaky, unstable "we might have hours, we might not - you might hate it here actually and we understand if you do" gigs as well. I even got hired for a second part-time job, for a huge retailer that I won't name, but who allegedly needed immediate help in advance of the holiday season. But their instructions - after wasting a day of my life in training - were to go online and see if hours are available to be picked up....so far, none have been.
But the much better news is that I have started freelancing for my former employer! And on a personal level, I went natural Sept. 16. If you don't think going from almost shoulder-length hair to a step above a buzzcut is a big deal...you must be a man.
I've started a new blog as well, one that focuses on positivity, which is what I'm trying to exude these days. Check it out: OfPeople.wordpress.com
Overall, I feel good. The act of not physically going into an office 5 days a week feels good. But then I realize, um...rent is due in like 28 days. That's what I've been most concerned about. Faith is easy to "have" when you don't really need it. But the level of worry I wrestle with every other day says there might be a faith deficit going on here.
I had an interview for a great position in my field...but it left too many unanswered questions, I guess, so I turned it down. I've had two other interviews for some shaky, unstable "we might have hours, we might not - you might hate it here actually and we understand if you do" gigs as well. I even got hired for a second part-time job, for a huge retailer that I won't name, but who allegedly needed immediate help in advance of the holiday season. But their instructions - after wasting a day of my life in training - were to go online and see if hours are available to be picked up....so far, none have been.
But the much better news is that I have started freelancing for my former employer! And on a personal level, I went natural Sept. 16. If you don't think going from almost shoulder-length hair to a step above a buzzcut is a big deal...you must be a man.
I've started a new blog as well, one that focuses on positivity, which is what I'm trying to exude these days. Check it out: OfPeople.wordpress.com
Monday, October 3, 2011
Describe a Dream You've Had More Than Once
Topic #265 via WordPress:
Describe a dream you’ve had more than once.
Everyone has a dream, or nightmare, they’ve had more than once. Either write a post describing one, or explaining why you think it you’ve had the dream multiple times.
***********
Let me say first off: The dream I've had most often is not uncommon. But the fact that I have it almost every night may be.
My alarm is set for 6 a.m. I usually wake up before it tells me to, no matter what time I fell asleep the previous night. If I go back to sleep in that small window, without fail, I have a nightmare. And it usually consists of me being chased. I mean, I am on the run like a character in a major motion picture. There are recurring settings. Some are familiar, such as the house I grew up in. I never see his face, but the black and red striped Freddie Kruegger sweater and black hat are on the man chasing me here. Sometimes I make it out he back or side door and into the parking lot of the church behind the house. I never make it much farther...
For the most part, though, I don't know if these are places I've been before or will be, but no matter how many times I run and hide around the same buildings, houses, parks, etc. I know that I never get away.
How morbid is that? How do you die every night???
I found some random web site that offered this analysis:
Do you have any other analysis?
Describe a dream you’ve had more than once.
Everyone has a dream, or nightmare, they’ve had more than once. Either write a post describing one, or explaining why you think it you’ve had the dream multiple times.
***********
Let me say first off: The dream I've had most often is not uncommon. But the fact that I have it almost every night may be.
My alarm is set for 6 a.m. I usually wake up before it tells me to, no matter what time I fell asleep the previous night. If I go back to sleep in that small window, without fail, I have a nightmare. And it usually consists of me being chased. I mean, I am on the run like a character in a major motion picture. There are recurring settings. Some are familiar, such as the house I grew up in. I never see his face, but the black and red striped Freddie Kruegger sweater and black hat are on the man chasing me here. Sometimes I make it out he back or side door and into the parking lot of the church behind the house. I never make it much farther...
For the most part, though, I don't know if these are places I've been before or will be, but no matter how many times I run and hide around the same buildings, houses, parks, etc. I know that I never get away.
How morbid is that? How do you die every night???
I found some random web site that offered this analysis:
There are hundreds of reasons that result in dreams of being chased, the major ones seem to be painful memories, troubled marriages, unpleasant experiences, difficult relationships, stifling working environments, unreasonable employers, financial problems, health issues, anxiety, depression and fear.
....Dreams of being chased by a person or unseen entity represent a personal attack against you due to jealousy, envy and a personal hidden agenda.
Do you have any other analysis?
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Post a Day Challenge
I recently got an email about National Novel Writing Month, which is a challenge to actually write a novel in the month of November. I don't plan on writing a novel - yet - but in order to get everyone ready, WordPress has been hosting a Post A Day Challenge.
Yes, I know I'm using Blogger, but I'm going to challenge myself to write a post a day using the prompts they post daily over here. I've been aching to get back to writing creatively...not the by-the-numbers journalism stuff I'd been doing professionally. Back during freshman year I had an amazing creative writing class where the professor gave the class assignments to write specific scenes, or just to free-write for a set amount of time. Those were great exercises, and by doing a little a day you begin to flex that muscle and sometimes you see you're not as bad as you thought...Or maybe one of the prompts will trigger that novel within. The discipline of having to do something daily (or weekly) is another benefit, plus you don't have to worry about writer's bloc, since they have plenty of ideas to get you started.
So, anyway, if you want to take the challenge, sign up right here.
Happy Writing!
Yes, I know I'm using Blogger, but I'm going to challenge myself to write a post a day using the prompts they post daily over here. I've been aching to get back to writing creatively...not the by-the-numbers journalism stuff I'd been doing professionally. Back during freshman year I had an amazing creative writing class where the professor gave the class assignments to write specific scenes, or just to free-write for a set amount of time. Those were great exercises, and by doing a little a day you begin to flex that muscle and sometimes you see you're not as bad as you thought...Or maybe one of the prompts will trigger that novel within. The discipline of having to do something daily (or weekly) is another benefit, plus you don't have to worry about writer's bloc, since they have plenty of ideas to get you started.
So, anyway, if you want to take the challenge, sign up right here.
Happy Writing!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Countdown
The black unemployment rate is 16.7 percent, "the highest in 27 years," I read earlier today.
I, on the other hand, just left a meeting with HR. I made arrangements to leave my key card and badge after I clock out.
Tomorrow, I am leaving my job.
I did it the "right" way, of course - gave two weeks' notice, put it on paper, gave people a heads up.
I'm making resolutions that can't wait until the new year. January 1st is almost exactly 4 months away; that's far too late.
I know the job search is grueling and unkind. I know the toll it can take on your finances, your self-esteem, your temparament.
I almost regretted my decision to voluntarily subject myself to that psychological minefield. Maybe it'll be easier the second time around?
Life has been one big transition of late. Transitions are perhaps the trickiest to navigate. You know what failure looks like. Success, you've reached that too. But the in-between? That slope where the ground is neither firm or well-lit? Yeah, it's tricky.
But I'm hopeful. I'm optimistic. I'm talented. I'm learning to believe in the gifts that I have been given. And as mom said, "If you know in your heart there's something better for you, sometimes you have to take that risk and find it."
I, on the other hand, just left a meeting with HR. I made arrangements to leave my key card and badge after I clock out.
Tomorrow, I am leaving my job.
I did it the "right" way, of course - gave two weeks' notice, put it on paper, gave people a heads up.
I'm making resolutions that can't wait until the new year. January 1st is almost exactly 4 months away; that's far too late.
I know the job search is grueling and unkind. I know the toll it can take on your finances, your self-esteem, your temparament.
I almost regretted my decision to voluntarily subject myself to that psychological minefield. Maybe it'll be easier the second time around?
Life has been one big transition of late. Transitions are perhaps the trickiest to navigate. You know what failure looks like. Success, you've reached that too. But the in-between? That slope where the ground is neither firm or well-lit? Yeah, it's tricky.
But I'm hopeful. I'm optimistic. I'm talented. I'm learning to believe in the gifts that I have been given. And as mom said, "If you know in your heart there's something better for you, sometimes you have to take that risk and find it."
Thursday, July 21, 2011
A Little "Too" Friendly
Anyone who's ever tried to recruit a mentor might not have found it to be the easiest process. Often, we reach out to folks we respect - people who have accomplished a lot, usually - and who happen to be very busy.
It might take several emails, some cold calls, many unreturned messages, etc to land an opportunity to introduce yourself. And you may find that you take leadership of whatever relationship follows as well.
Sometimes when we're new to a company, a mentor can just be someone who's more familiar with the in's and out's - not necessarily a top exec. But anyway, my point is count yourself lucky if one of these too-busy-to-remember-their-kids'-birthdays types takes an interest in you. But let's say someone actually volunteers to be your mentor. Someone who may be in middle management, not quite at the top.
You may eagerly accept their offer. But be cautious. I don't want to make you cynical, I just warn you, be cautious. In some cases, these people are climbing their way up and it looks good that they are "taking on extra projects" and "giving back." When you interact with these people, keep in mind they may be as interested in their own development as they say they are in yours. Don't get too comfortable where you forget that they represent the company. They're a cog, not a friend. And don't be surprised if they repeat things you've said "in confidence" because, after all, how will their supervisor know they're mentoring you if he/she never tells them?
Of course, you can work the situation by being well-prepared when you speak to them and by sharing your great ideas - hopefully those will make their way up the chain, too. Don't focus too heavily on issues or problems you may be having with the job, but try to be positive and optimistic. Just in case Mr VP of Whatever catches you on the elevator and starts his chitchat with, "So I hear..."
Just a word of advice for my young professionals out there.
It might take several emails, some cold calls, many unreturned messages, etc to land an opportunity to introduce yourself. And you may find that you take leadership of whatever relationship follows as well.
Sometimes when we're new to a company, a mentor can just be someone who's more familiar with the in's and out's - not necessarily a top exec. But anyway, my point is count yourself lucky if one of these too-busy-to-remember-their-kids'-birthdays types takes an interest in you. But let's say someone actually volunteers to be your mentor. Someone who may be in middle management, not quite at the top.
You may eagerly accept their offer. But be cautious. I don't want to make you cynical, I just warn you, be cautious. In some cases, these people are climbing their way up and it looks good that they are "taking on extra projects" and "giving back." When you interact with these people, keep in mind they may be as interested in their own development as they say they are in yours. Don't get too comfortable where you forget that they represent the company. They're a cog, not a friend. And don't be surprised if they repeat things you've said "in confidence" because, after all, how will their supervisor know they're mentoring you if he/she never tells them?
Of course, you can work the situation by being well-prepared when you speak to them and by sharing your great ideas - hopefully those will make their way up the chain, too. Don't focus too heavily on issues or problems you may be having with the job, but try to be positive and optimistic. Just in case Mr VP of Whatever catches you on the elevator and starts his chitchat with, "So I hear..."
Just a word of advice for my young professionals out there.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Here's Where I am Wit It
I've been a certified reporter for a year - according to my business cards - and uh, I used to take it personally when people said newspaper was a dying business. Now? They just might deserve it.
Because let's face it: At the point that your organization is more focused on what sells instead of what serves, it should face the same capitalistic hardships as any other commercial enterprise.
I look at what newspapers were founded for; ideals such as empowering the public. Arming them with facts to stand against an unjust and oppressive government. A belief that education and freedom were closely related. If this is the true foundation of newspapers, they should be non-profits. A gentleman made a suggestion to me once. "I know it's a radical idea," he said," but what if the newspaper was in city hall and each town's taxpayers paid for it?" It actually made sense to me. Why not allow journalists to truly focus on the aspects that help people. Provide me with news, analysis and investigative reporting that holds our officials true. The Bible says it best: You can't serve two masters. Do you want to be a vehicle for public good, or do you want to make money? Apparently, principles and profit can't cohabit the same entity.
But they've strayed from these altruistic principles.
I'm not a journalist because I'm nosy and I want "the scoop." I don't give a damn about beating everybody else to the story. The most meaningful aspect of this gig is the stories that have had some kind of impact, the ones that have led total strangers to help each other.
We're in an age where a newspaper lays off hundreds of people because it made $1 million less in quarter 3 than quarter 2. Where is that revenue? Try looking in the CEO's pocket. That's not what I'm here for.
I will defend journalism until I die. But I'm not writing for your bottom line, and I'm not writing to make sure your books balance. It's not that people are too busy and too distracted to read the paper. It's not that times are tough and people would rather buy things they need than purchase a subscription; it's that they no longer believe in what you stand for.
Because let's face it: At the point that your organization is more focused on what sells instead of what serves, it should face the same capitalistic hardships as any other commercial enterprise.
I look at what newspapers were founded for; ideals such as empowering the public. Arming them with facts to stand against an unjust and oppressive government. A belief that education and freedom were closely related. If this is the true foundation of newspapers, they should be non-profits. A gentleman made a suggestion to me once. "I know it's a radical idea," he said," but what if the newspaper was in city hall and each town's taxpayers paid for it?" It actually made sense to me. Why not allow journalists to truly focus on the aspects that help people. Provide me with news, analysis and investigative reporting that holds our officials true. The Bible says it best: You can't serve two masters. Do you want to be a vehicle for public good, or do you want to make money? Apparently, principles and profit can't cohabit the same entity.
But they've strayed from these altruistic principles.
I'm not a journalist because I'm nosy and I want "the scoop." I don't give a damn about beating everybody else to the story. The most meaningful aspect of this gig is the stories that have had some kind of impact, the ones that have led total strangers to help each other.
We're in an age where a newspaper lays off hundreds of people because it made $1 million less in quarter 3 than quarter 2. Where is that revenue? Try looking in the CEO's pocket. That's not what I'm here for.
I will defend journalism until I die. But I'm not writing for your bottom line, and I'm not writing to make sure your books balance. It's not that people are too busy and too distracted to read the paper. It's not that times are tough and people would rather buy things they need than purchase a subscription; it's that they no longer believe in what you stand for.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Reason No. 8,667 Why My BF is Great
Me: For my 25th birthday I'm cutting my hair. It's gonna look just like yours.
Him: I don't care. I don't have "Long Hair Syndrome."
Me: :D !
Him: I don't care. I don't have "Long Hair Syndrome."
Me: :D !
S.O.S.
A story in the local business journal caught my eye:
The first part is getting a job (or creating a job) that will generate $5 mil in disposable income...But then again, if 1,000 alums all gave $50, we'd be on our way.
Homework for Self: One day I'm going to put in the research to see if any HBCUs have alumni that give on a comparabe level of those at Traditionally White Institutions. Considering that people like Oprah, Spike Lee, Bill Cosby, Oscar-nominated actress Taraji P. Henson and the founders of Rainforest Films all went to black schools, I would hope so. However, I'm also fully aware that a handful of affluent standouts can't be asked to carry the weight alone.
UR receives $5 million to support business majorThere you have it, people. I was horrified to hear of recent budget cuts at my alma mater. "We have to do something!" the outraged alums all cried. Yeah, we have to Save Our Selves.
The University of Rochester said Monday it has received a $5 million gift to support its new undergraduate business major. The gift was given by Barry Florescue, an alumnus and member of UR's board of trustees.
The first part is getting a job (or creating a job) that will generate $5 mil in disposable income...But then again, if 1,000 alums all gave $50, we'd be on our way.
Homework for Self: One day I'm going to put in the research to see if any HBCUs have alumni that give on a comparabe level of those at Traditionally White Institutions. Considering that people like Oprah, Spike Lee, Bill Cosby, Oscar-nominated actress Taraji P. Henson and the founders of Rainforest Films all went to black schools, I would hope so. However, I'm also fully aware that a handful of affluent standouts can't be asked to carry the weight alone.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
It's Hard Being a Man
I tend not to watch Pastor TD Jakes because his lisp is off-putting (yes, I've said it before: he sounds like Winnie the Pooh.) But on Father's Day I turned on TBN and though he was preaching about men, he said things women really need to hear.
To start off he shared a secret that women will never know because we are, well, women.
"It is hard being a man," he said. I think, ladies, that we should keep this in mind. Absolutely, it's difficult to be a woman as well, but in a country where most black children are born to single mothers, we should understand how much harder that makes it on a young boy who can't learn how to be a man from mommy. (And really, girls, I look at it like this: if I didn't have a father, who from my childhood would I have had to look up to as a good male role model? Not too many solid choices, and you likely can say the same...)
Jakes also said men have fewer role models to look up to for help navigating life. A mentor is so crucial because you need someone to see your potential and help nurture it. He said many men are just kids because no one looked them in the eye and said, "I see the king in you." External recognition of who you can become keeps you from straying toward vices that can stop you from achieving it.
So with that said, I'm not among the women out here who say there are no good men left. I know quite a few, and I'm proud of you - and whoever raised you! Life is hard for everyone, but we can't expect you to just shoulder it all and our problems too without acknowledging how much work that takes. Keep pushin', men!
To start off he shared a secret that women will never know because we are, well, women.
"It is hard being a man," he said. I think, ladies, that we should keep this in mind. Absolutely, it's difficult to be a woman as well, but in a country where most black children are born to single mothers, we should understand how much harder that makes it on a young boy who can't learn how to be a man from mommy. (And really, girls, I look at it like this: if I didn't have a father, who from my childhood would I have had to look up to as a good male role model? Not too many solid choices, and you likely can say the same...)
Jakes also said men have fewer role models to look up to for help navigating life. A mentor is so crucial because you need someone to see your potential and help nurture it. He said many men are just kids because no one looked them in the eye and said, "I see the king in you." External recognition of who you can become keeps you from straying toward vices that can stop you from achieving it.
So with that said, I'm not among the women out here who say there are no good men left. I know quite a few, and I'm proud of you - and whoever raised you! Life is hard for everyone, but we can't expect you to just shoulder it all and our problems too without acknowledging how much work that takes. Keep pushin', men!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
I Always Want You When I'm...
There's an inexplicable phenomenon that occurs when you're in an altered state. I studied this in psyschology once, "mood-dependent memory," I think. Simply put, let's say you were high when you studied for a test. You should be high when you take it in order to recall the information.
But sometimes the mind does this without you even trying. You know what I mean, how your not-right mind just associates itself with a certain person? No matter how out of it you are, there's that one number you call first when you drunk dial. Like your memory only conjures up this person when in an altered state.
I thought about it when listening to this song by new artist The Weeknd. The chorus? "I always want you when I'm comin' down."
Comin' down off what? Oh, you don't need to ask...
But sometimes the mind does this without you even trying. You know what I mean, how your not-right mind just associates itself with a certain person? No matter how out of it you are, there's that one number you call first when you drunk dial. Like your memory only conjures up this person when in an altered state.
I thought about it when listening to this song by new artist The Weeknd. The chorus? "I always want you when I'm comin' down."
Comin' down off what? Oh, you don't need to ask...
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
"The Media" Hates Black Women
(I swear I only turned on VH1 Sunday so I wouldn't be left out of the Twitter convo!) It was Black Girl Night on the channel, apparently, with the season three premiere of "Basketball Wives," as well as the made-for-TV movie "Single Ladies" with LisaRaye and Stacey Dash.Not surprisingly, the first BBW episode went like this: "Bitch, fuck you bitch! I hate that bitch! Ima sue yo ass, bitch!" with promises of actual fights next week.
"Single Ladies" featured LisaRaye as an old video vixen with expensive taste who also happened to be a klepto, and Stacey Dash as a wishy-washy woman dumped by a man who said he was never in love with her, only to let him hit and have a pregnancy scare, while also smashing a young white boy in, "I don't usually do this fashion."
Before we cry about how the media is at it again, making us look like desperate, catty golddiggers, we should consider for a moment that these women volunteered to be videotaped behaving this way. And they collected a check for it. Same goes for the girls on "Flavor of Love," "Maury Povich," etc.
The light bulb went on for me was when I watched Nelly on "Behind the Music," discussing the infamous "Tip Drill" video. He ran out of money, he said, and all he had left was a credit card. In his words, the girl actually suggested that he swipe it down her butt cheeks! He couldn't understand why the ladies of Spelman protested his bone marrow drive, claiming he objectified women, when the scandalous swipe wasn't even his idea!
Is he deferring all blame? Absolutely. But if this is true, it means one thing: we can't blame anybody but ourselves for the way "we" look on these shows. I can be as classy as I want to be; it's easy to find a girl who will do the slutty things I won't - for money, for attention, for a chance to be arm candy, for whatever.
You look at the Amber Rose's of the world, and figure, why not? Not only is she doing legit modeling and traveling the world with famous boyfriends, she holds the black blogs captive. She has actual fans. She has girls everywhere even emulating her, getting crayola-hued buzzcuts.
So, sorry ladies, those of us who want to do it the Oprah way and get that billion through intellect and business acumen. Why not take the naked route or the reality short cut? Why not be a mean girl and throw your sistas under the bus? Look where it got Evelyn: a ring from Ochocinco and a line of T-shirts. #winning. Right???
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