Whataya Want From Me?

I have to say this: I think every lady can name one man they wish weren't gay. For me, this man just might be Adam Lambert.

It's a little freaky, I know.

This is the exact moment I became a fan. Him performing a Smokey Robinson song. And killin it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9c4s2JfBj-M&feature=related

And here's the song I cannot stop singing.

Mr. Usher

You of the current mid-life crisis. I want to buy your album, but I bought the last one and it sucked. Millions of us adore the masterpiece that was "Confessions," but now that you're out here telling girls to put hands in each other's pants, I won't hold my breath for content as pure and perfect as before.

Do I like your singles on the radio? Yes, they all grew on me. However, Mr. Usher, you have so many DAMN singles that I am not so sure I need to go spend money on your album anymore!



Thanks for single-handedly saturating the market. However, I do enjoy that you have a song where you use the term "shones," and I do love the (almost sacrilegious) Stevie Wonder sample on that Lil Freak song. And I def enjoy THIS song:

I Just Wanna Know

Alfre Woodard - why you name your daughter Mavis?



and why does it always look like Trina's eyes aren't open all the way? like a bullfrog or toad.


And to all white girls - why do you try on swim suits in the store wit no underwear? Don't you know all the nasty girls who tried that thing on before you did the same thing? One girl actually took that hygiene shield out and stuck it to the floor. I'm supposed to clear the rooms after each customer, but I bet you I left that right there on the floor.

Step Up Yo Vocab!

I'd like to compile a list of phrases that I no longer want to hear in popular music under any circumstances. There are more rhyming phrases available to you, courtesy of the expanses of the human language.

Your love is sent from above

Butter pecan Puerto Rican (that sh*t drives me crazy)

What would I do without you

You're the one for me/you're the only one I see/everything I need (or) all I'll ever need

You hypnotize/ me with your eyes

I'll give you everything/give you all of me

- and how many times is Drake gon talk about a damn "Celebration"?

....and I'm sure there are many, many more because rappers recycle lines ALL the time. Feel free to tell me what I missed.

I Know I'm Probably Late

But my friend Shay Shay just told me about this yesterday. I'm a Pitbull fan, so when she told me he punched some guy out at a concert for throwing money in his face, I had to look it up. This mess IS funny. Pitbull knocks this man smooth out, then keeps rapping. Scroll to about halfway in...

L.B. : You Back, Baby??

You can ask my brother, Sir March the V. I used to ride for Lloyd Banks in high school. Yes, like 6 years ago. So if he's finally back, I'm inclined to see what he's talkin about.

I hate Juelz Santana and all things Dipset-related, but I do like this new Lloyd Banks single featuring Juelz, "Beamer, Benz or Bentley."



I tend to dislike men in white outfits. But Mr. Banks in this hookup with the white hat and puff vest? That is all right. The sweater with the polka dot blouse underneath, though? Naw, can't get with that.

Dear Monica aka Miss Thang

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, Monica. Why, oh why? Why did you get my hopes up? Why did you show me your struggle to make this album and your vision to give us fans the music we deserve?

Cause, Momma, I'm not sure that you did that. First of all, you gave me 10 songs. I coulda gotten more content if you dropped a dang mixtape. I love your vocal tone and the lyrics, but I'm 60 percent done listening to the album, and this simply was not a memorable experience. I can't think of many songs that I'd like to repeat, aside from "Everything to Me," which I can hear on the radio right now, and "Believing In Me."

And where the hell is that "Infinity" song? That's what you call a BANGER! And who approved these Missy songs??? You coulda saved them trash tracks. They sound like uninspired samples she meant to put on a Keyshia Cole album four years ago. Missy, you wrong for doin Monica like that. I really believe you were trying to clear some space on your laptop and said, "Wait, what's this song? I don't even remember makin this...Keyshia pregnant, so she ain't droppin no album soon...who can I dump these tracks on?"

I mean, Miss Thang, you're my gyrl, and I will definitely give this album a chance to grow on me. It's not bad...it just didn't hit me over the head like I expected it to. I thought I was gon throw this CD in, turn it up and ride OUT!!! Did Rocko f* up ur vibe or sumthin, Momma?

Women In Leadership

Hey Friends of Deva!

I just want to share this with you all. This topic is nothing new, but in recent work experiences, a friend and I were really confused as to why we got along so well with each other - but our supervisors only seemed to get along with the men in the office.

I know that I find it easier sometimes to talk to males. Many of y'all are nonchalant, find humor in a lot of situations, don't deal in drama and are therefore easy to get along with. So to an extent, I can understand. But I think, ladies, if we gave each other a chance, we'd find many likable qualities in each other.

I attended a Women In Leadership Conference last month, and on the panel was an entrepreneur named Christina Lovio-George, who owns a PR firm in Michigan. The moderator asked the panelists to leave the audience with a final thought, and Ms. Lovio-George's words really stood out to me. I can't quote her verbatim, but basically, she mentioned all the hats that women have to wear - we go to work and try to prove ourselves and show that we're as good as any man, then we go home and we have husbands, kids, church, and all kinds of responsibilities and demands pulling on us. As women we should understand how much the next woman has to bear. But for some reason, when it comes to business, women are much harder on each other than we are on men. Ms. Lovio-George pretty much said this saddens her, and she'd like to see us get to a point where we're a little more kind to each other and forgiving in the workplace.

The way she said it was way more poignant - but I had to share it because it really deserves our consideration.

WAIT - I found a video from the conference! I didn't watch it, let me be real, but her (the lady with the big hair) closing remarks would be near the end, fittingly.

I'm Straight...on Facebook

Do ppl really think they foolin us, using FB to publish pics/statuses/wall posts to combat public perception?

We KNOW you gay.

I'm not saying any names. I'm NOT. Don't get mad! I'm not mad at you. I understand ppl don't always make it easy on each other to be who we really are.

But why you tryna use facebook to put up a facade? The beauty (to some) of the Internet is that you can be whoever you want to be online...but we see you in real life, dawg.

And we don't believe you! We. Ain't Buyin. It!

"Real Detroit Weekly"

Because I like to learn about what's new in my city, I always pick up the free publications located at various places around town. Examples include "Real Detroit Weekly" and "BLAC Detroit" magazine.

The RDW issue of March 3-9 had the Black Eyed Peas on the cover, so I picked it up to read the interview and came across this editorial on a page called, "Vengeance & Fashion" by The Lowdown Carroll. I'm not sure if that attribution is correct, but that's beside the point. In a previous blog, I wrote about Detroit Mayor Dave Bing's proposal to save money by essentially shrinking the city, or moving residents out of the less populated areas to more concentrated areas, thereby saving the need for excess resources. The writer of the editorial in RDW agreed with the plan, and while I'm all for the creative application of metaphors and analogies, this one went a little too far.

Here it is, word for word:

"DAVE BING TO PULL RABBIT OUT OF HAT

Dave Bing has come up with a plan that I fully endorse. Take the last couple people hellbent on living in the city of Detroit and move them all to the same city block or something. You'd need one police office, one garbage man...it's absolutely brilliant.

So with this fantastic plan, of course, come all 12 people in Detroit whining about how they want to stay on their block, and how great that block was once upon a time...like some fu*king fairy tale. Then they will whine about how some drug dealer came and shot their grandson (who was a straight-A student, and so loving, and never had any problems with anyone...give me a fu*king break) in broad daylight!

Look, drastic times call for drastic measures. If you have to start treating the die-hard Detroiters like we did the Native Americans, then I say go ahead and break out the small-pox blankets and the muskets or whatever we used. Or at least put this whole reservation plan into place..."

Wow. That was all I could say in response to this ignorant diatribe. I know he'd probably like to say I'm being hypersensitive, but considering Detroit is mostly populated by a certain minority, and considering the use of "we" by the author, it's hard not to perceive a racial subtext. And since we all know the ill fate of the Native Americans, I shudder at the mere suggestion that Detroiters be subjected to such treatment. Let's say the city in question was a suburb like, oh, Royal Oak or Bloomfield Hills. I doubt the author would even hint at the use of "small-pox blankets" and "muskets," or any such method that was used for genocide.

And Detroiters, if you're leaving the city to go be neighbors with people like the author of this editorial, then...good luck to you.

You're So Quiet

People say this to me a lot. And actually, people, I'm not that quiet. There's really a LOT going on - inside my mind.

I'm just practicing that old saying, "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all."

C.B. (Yea, I'm Still On It)

Only because my bf asked me the other day what I felt Chris Brown needed to do to get his career back in motion.

I felt his chance to come back hard was when MJ died, but since he was shut out of all the (mediocre) tributes, I don't really have any more ideas. But after listening to "Run It" today on the radio, I wondered....would this all have blown over by now if his girlfriend weren't Rihanna, America's Sweetheart?


Because when I thought some more about it, Charlie Sheen just beat the crap out of his wife - pulled a knife on her and everything...then returned to the set of his VERY successful TV show. Is it because we don't know his wife by name that we swept this one under the rug and haven't boycotted CBS the way sum radio stations and programs are still boycotting C.B.??

Questions to Jesus:

Why is my attention span so short?

Why don't I like anything for more than 5 minutes? like a dang toddler...

Why do I dislike (nearly) all of my jobs after, like, the first week?

Why didn't you gift me with discipline, patience - or a fast metabolism?

Why do I browse my Facebook Newsfeed instead of applying for all these jobs on my radar?

Why do my mom, grandmother and both sisters have naturally curly hair - but I got the naps?

Really, 5'1"? That's all You're gonna give me, huh?

I'm just asking, G.

AfroHairliciousBella

Prepoo

Cowash

Seal

SL/APL/BSL/MBL

Not familiar with these terms? I'm not either...I saw some black hair blog writers in Essence a couple months ago (Afrobella and Hairlicious and others) and decided to check them out. I thought I was obsessed with my hair, but these women?? Man! These sites need to come with their own glossary.

I really obsess over my hair a lot and I constantly buy new products that promise to grow my hair, stop breakage, add moisture, stop itching, etc etc etc. Any magazine that offers "Healthy hair tips," I purchase and read. Ask my guy - probably 45 percent of our convos over the past year have revolved around my hair. I cut my hair, dye it, weave it, everything - all in pursuit of the perfect do. I thought visiting the black hair sites would out me in touch with sistas who had unlocked the secrets of hair growth success. But when I saw all the abbreviations and regimens and everything, I felt more lost than ever. These girls are really serious with this sh*t. They have like 10 products that they use every day and and night.

SL=Shoulder Length, APL = Arm Pit Length, BSL = Bra Strap Length and MBL = ? idk, Mid-Back Length, maybe. And as for the other terms above...I have no idea.

Reading those sites and trying to decipher their language made my head hurt.

The (Un) Lovely Bones

For a year now I've been on this kick where I watch movies that receive a lot of hype during awards season, just to see if I agree. One movie that looked particularly good this go-round was "The Lovely Bones." Mark Wahlberg was in it, and I bang with Marky Mark. In addition, though, the plot seemed interesting. Here's a link to the trailer in case you aren't sure what I'm referring to:

http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2521171225/

Anyway, I was led to believe that the movie was about a man who killed a young girl and was planning to kill her sister next, while their father is in pursuit to avenge his daughter's death and has to stop him before he strikes again. Wellllllll, good people, I was seriously mislead. That's not what happened. I won't ruin it, but most of the movie focused on the girl who was dead and how she saw things from her position wandering in purgatory. I can only compare it to someone having wild, drug-induced, endless hallucinations.

I've come to the conclusion that the more critical acclaim a movie gets, the lower the chances that I will understand it. I thought I was a high-brow film connoisseur who was capable of understanding complex concepts. Maybe I lied to myself.

My sister asked what I saw at the movies, and when I said, "The Lovely Bones," she got all excited. "Ooh, I wanted to see that!" she said. "How was it?"

I answered, "I saw it at the dollar show, but you should wait until it comes on TV....and then don't even watch it."

Question to Fellow Bloggers:

Ummm, exactly why do we worship Lady Gaga again? I must've nodded during that part of our meeting.

Also, why do we d-suck Amber Rose?

And Nicki Minaj?

Not passing judgment on any of these ladies, just wondering why you all find a reason to talk about them every day.

(Wait - they do have 1 thing in common: is it because being bisexual is "in" this season? I'm just asking.)

I'm Not Really Into Comic Book Movies

But I will be now because my favorite actress, Angela Bassett, has joined the cast of "Green Lantern"! For those of you familiar with DC Comics, she will be playing Dr. Amanda Waller.




Ryan Reynolds is Green Lantern, so I think I was interested in this movie anyway (now that I saw "The Proposal" and really liked it.) However, Ms. Bassett just made this a date!!!

Do NOT try this at home

I'm not sure how well you can see this image, but here's the name of the product: IMAN Time Control Skin Tone Evener. I had been using the AMBI Even & Clear Moisturizer without seeing much of a difference, so I decided to try Iman's brand. I bought it while working at a store that sells fancy cosmetics because I wanted a product that would fade dark marks and was made specifically for women of color - But this product is not it!

It might work, if I wanted to use it twice a day as the directions say, but the fact that it feels and smells like Elmer's glue immediately turned me off! Seriously, it smells very bad and has a runny consistency. It makes my face greasy and shiny and if you put too much it will peel off like glue did when you put it on your hands. SO just a PSA, don't use this junk.

Two Shows Most Men Will Never Watch

But you should.

They happen to be "Model City" on Centric.....and "RuPaul's Drag Race," on LOGO. (or w/e channel)

Put that eyebrow down that you just raised! I know if you're a heterosexual black man, you probably think I'm crazy, but if we can agree on this one point - that at the simplest level, television is supposed to be entertaining - then neither of those shows would disappoint.

"Model City" is a reality show that follows a group of black and Hispanic male models as they navigate the industry. Why would you wanna watch a bunch of greasy, shirtless dudes? Because, surprisingly, the show depicts them as regular guys. Some go to school, they have other talents they want to pursue, and most have girlfriends. And only one is (openly) gay. (In case that's what you were assuming the show would be about.) None of them is so striking that you go - wow, he must be a model! They just happen to have washboard abs and be photogenic. (Which should give the average Joe some hope.)

The show interests me because the guys are so down to earth, except for Wendell, the egomaniac who dates one of fashion's current "It" girls, Sessilee Lopez. Ibrahim is a painter and a modeling vet, who lives with his gurl and always gives advice to the younger guys, like the big brother of the bunch. He and Wendell hate each other! This provides many comedic moments. Then there's Nelson, who decides to move in with his girlfriend, then tells her, as she's unpacking her boxes, that "I don't think I can do this." ...some of y'all might be able to relate to that. Another reason this show might appeal to you is because I've learned recently that men are more obsessed with fashion than I ever imagined - and these guys get to wear some pretty dope outfits. (If nothing else, it confirms for me that every girl thinks she's a model right now...but actually, more guys probably already have what it takes)



Now on to the more outlandish of my selections - "RuPaul's Drag Race." Yes, the show is about men who dress like women. Buttttt it's a reality show, just like all the others, where people have to compete in challenges each week and display true creativity. However, these contestants, I promise, are way more likable, fabulous and funny than any others you've seen. Think Next Top Model meets The Apprentice meets Project Runway. Seriously, these guys/girls will make you laugh, gasp and cheer in the same episode. For example, Tyra Sanchez, the man I love to hate, really thinks he is Beyonce. He has a son, somehow, which motivates him to...be a drag star, I guess. But he's def the Bytch of the bunch, and it's funny to see his interaction with the others. I'll admit, some of the moments might be a lil too much for you, like when the girls have to pole dance, but seriously, outside of that the show is soooo entertaining that you really wouldn't hate yourself if you gave it a chance.



So if you happen to be bored one day with nothing to do but watch TV, give yourself a break and watch either of these two seemingly guilty pleasures. And if you watch them with some women, you might actually be able to say you had....fun. K?