"Lord, Don't Leave Me Here Too Long"

This is a story about Jesus (so if you don't like Him, feel free to stop reading now.)
My internship, which I absolutely enjoy, was scheduled to end Oct. 17. The Saturday before I got a random phone call from an acquaintance I hadn't heard from in months. Oddly enough, I had tried to call him twice over the summer with no success, but he just decided to check in with me that day and we had a Spirit-led conversation.
I was telling him about how I am back at home with the fam, job search looking bleak, etc...and he told me, "I know how you feel; I just left that situation." He went on to share that he just started a new job that is paying for his grad school, as well as his rent, utilities and cell phone. He said he knows it's hard starting over, but when I prayed I should be specific with GOD. My friend said not to box Him in, but be specific. "Say, 'Lord, don't leave me here too long.' "
I said, "Well, I need to know some things within a week."
Tell you what - On Wednesday (that's only four days later, y'all!) another department asked me if I would like to work with them until January. It was my understanding that the internship was only for two days a week. But then the man started saying what I do would do every day, including weekends....which meant I could postpone the frantic job search at least for another month! The economy is hard, and it's so cold in that D - but I still have a job to go to, even if only for several months.

In the meantime I had an accident two months ago that left me in a familiar position - having to rely on others for a ride. For people who enjoy independence, this is a humbling place to be. My new supervisor asked last Wednesday when I would have my transportation taken care of, and I told him within a week. Now, the first car I bought was the same type of thing - I needed it for a job and had a week to get it done. My mom could tell my faith was wavering and she said, "If you don't think He can do it, then tell them you can't take the job. But I believe that you'll have it when you need it." And I did.
See, the wonderful thing about an example is that it gives you hope that if something happened once, it can happen again.

So here I was in the same sitch, and for this entire two-month period these lyin' brothas said they could fix my ride. Well, I called them back and said I had a week, and they said OK. They came and picked up my money to buy parts and everything. Then on Saturday one of them brought my money back because he couldn't find his partner. This is Saturday....I four days left, y'all.

I was scared to get a car note because, again, I have an internship; not a JOB. But someone called out the clear blue sky and offered to take me looking for a car. Luckily, I had Monday and Tuesday off. I will spare you the details, but I went to bed Sunday night and told God I needed a miracle. I told Him on Monday I was not paying more than $200 a month for a car note. I told Him Tuesday there was no way I was paying $300 a month on car insurance.
On Wednesday, I drove myself to work in my new vehicle.

"LORD, DON'T LEAVE ME HERE TOO LONG!" - That's what you need to tell Him!!!

I do not NEED a man

Let's be clear about that point. But it's kind of like the stories I've heard from people who have lost a limb...You know your leg is gone, but it's still instinctive to try to use it. Your brain still thinks it's there.
(This is not to suggest I am incomplete w/o a bf.) It's just that I'm not used to being without.
Certain things become habit - you get used to considering this other person, used to having someone tell you good morning and good night, used to having a reason to get dressed up and used to having somewhere to go on the weekends. You get used to having someone to encourage, support and confide in...all that jazz. So then when it ends (because as Jazmine Sullivan says,"Why it don't last/Is that too much to ask?") it just takes some getting used to.
I don't need a boyfriend....I'm just not used to NOT having one....that's all I'm saying.
And the adjustment process is taking longer than I had expected.

A professor of mine gave me this book about relationships, and it said people are not made to be alone, but all you need not to be alone is the companionship of another person. It said (and this is common sense here, people) if you don't have friends it's because you're not a friendly person. So I took that to heart and made a conscientious decision to seek positive interaction with those around me. I am social, cordial and I talk to everybody! I find that it makes my day full when I talk to new ppl and share a laugh or a smile or w/e the case may be....But you know sum ppl take that the wrong way ladies. We can't be too friendly or we look... (fill-in-the-blank). Now if I walk 'round with my face all tore up, then I have an attitude. But if I initiate a conversation, then I'm....something else.

For some reason the only dudes in Detroit who holla at me are between the ages of 39 and 50. Now, you can try to filp that into a compliment if you want. "That means you carry yourself mature." BS! I am mature, but them fools know I don't look none of their age! They just sum wanna-be slick predators who are inadequate for women in their age range, so they try to come at us like we will be impressed by their lil piece of job or car or w/e they think they got. Look here, don't be trynna trick on sum suga daddy-type ish. I got a daddy....what I don't have is a BOY-friend....

But I don't need one, y'all. I'm just saying, I'm not used to being without. And it's taking me a minute to get used to it. See the problem these not-on-my-level dudes have is that I've had people who treated me right....so I just can't get with these "women-should-come-at-me" types. For me to pursue a dude would be settling. (Not that I've seen anything worth pursuing, which is another issue). Settling=desperation, and well, Driadonna and desperate just doesn't even sound right. I'm not with the mind games either. This is a NO-NONSENSE SEASON and my BS tolerance is at ZERO....

Married ladies (and old women) love to tell single women to calm down. It'll be alright...hold on...God will send you.....you got your whole life for that....tell them booed up-B****s to be quiet! And them old ones can be quiet too cuz back in the day they was gettin it on, gettin it up and gettin down. (Think about it; don't all your great-aunts have like 8 kids???)

But anyway.....I'll come back to my problem with older men later. For now y'all just take my word that I don't need a man....I'm just not used to not having one. Or at least having options. I mean, damn.

The Suga Daddy Conundrum

Why are older men attractive?

Because younger dudes' maturity level is still evolving. The young black man is in high demand and he knows it, so he's pompous for little good reason. He can be college-educated, he can be street corner-certified....but he's the hotness just because women of all races and levels blow him up. He can have his first little apartment, or be at home with mama. A lot of ladies out here want sum D that bad y'all....So the guys treat you grimey because you are replaceable. Period.
Meanwhile, older dudes have (possibly) been there, done that, learned things the hard way and grown up. They are confident in who they are, their achievements, abilities, etc. They carry themselves differently and give you this sense that, they got you. (Maybe) They can work a room, make everyone feel welcome, show you new things, whatever.
But look here: If you are 42, with a great job, nice house, nice car, sum stocks and bonds, 401K, sum rental properties and (probably sum kids my age) then what does a 21-year old girl have to offer?
She's in a dorm, you own your own business; What shall we discuss over dinner: my tough homework assignment?
Some women have no problem with a man who wines and dines, gives and buys. To me, accepting gifts and things gives me a sense of obligation. (Many women, you will find, do not have this problem.) But it's demoralizing to me as a competent individual and it gives him an inflated sense of power.

I like to feel like I am contributing something and pulling my own weight. I want to feel like I am bringing something to the table.

So no, you won't catch me with a 40-year old. If you got a 20-year head start on life and we are still on the same level, then that's a sad reflection on you, brotha.

There are too many single middle-aged women out here who are beautiful, successful and have a lot to offer for these men to be chasing little girls (relatively speaking). When I see a single 50-yr-old man, I wonder what's wrong with him - he must have been doin sumthin wrong because women his age have deemed him unacceptable....or rather, he is just taking the easy way out and overlooking his counterparts in favor of what looks like an easy ride.

It is tricking if you got it....Unless you are Oprah.

Real Housewives of Atlanta

I do enjoy this show. Black people on TV is always a beautiful thing! (Unless they're on VH1 or BET)



A: I like that sumbody is from tha D!
B: I like that these are sum "life-sized" women. They sum thick girls, y'all - like many real women actually are!
C: I won't say anything about the vanilla woman who wants to be chocolate sooooo bad it's desperate.
D: I also won't comment on how she has found "the one" and he loves her so much he won't be seen in public with her.
E: I also don't understand how it's about housewives, yet one is divroced, one is a jump-off/side piece and one has like 6 businesses....
F: I like NeNe. My mom and aunt call her ghetto and wonder how she snagged such a supportive and wealthy husband. He def. seems like her complete opposite. And while I'm usually not a fan of loud women, I think NeNe is herself and she keeps it real, so I'm not mad at that. It takes sum confidence to be you - regardless of what's going on around you. So do it, Ms. NeNe!
G: Ms. plain-lookin SheRee "I'm so beautiful and successful that's why I can't find a man"... she is sad to me. You are successful at what? Spending your ex-husband's money??? She's not even successful at that cuz they said the divorce has been taking like 7 years. Quit letting that butt-kissing Kim geek you head up.

H: My fav is Ms. Lisa Wu Hartwell. Ladies, you really can't hate: She is not with the drama, she's focused, ambitious, successful, intelligent, assertive, fun-loving and on point! And she looks good while doing it all! We must give respect where it is due. Not only that, but she has a BEAUTIFUL BLACK MAN who is right by her side every step.
(**The only criticism I have is her sense of style must be reworked. If your girl isn't looking her best, pull her to the side and let her know. Lisa had on this nun-looking parishoner at the Amish farm-straight jacket-looking all white suit one day, then took a beautiful gown and threw on sum tacky hooker boots, then at Sheree's party her outfit was lookin like sumthin you'll see on a random soccer mom at the movies...not a million dolla chick. But dammit, if you're a pretty women with a man who loves you regardless, you can do what you want!**)

One thing I noticed though is that SheRee said there was something like 20 women for every man in Atlanta. At first, that number had me shook. "I'm never moving to Atlanta," I thought, "And I damn sure wouldn't even try to ask a man to be monogamous if I did go."
But then I thought about that thing again. And I said, the odds aren't in our favor ladies, but one thing I know is that FAVOR AIN'T FAIR!!! You just might be that one that catches you a good one. Just like Ms. Lisa Hartwell, you might find a man who feels like there are 20 women for every man - but only ONE YOU!

The Issue With Being Equally Yoked

Equal is a subjective term. 1+1=2. That's a fact. But "equal" is a subjective term.

Does equal mean PhD degrees only date PhDs? Muslims only date muslims? I don't know. You have to define what equal is to you. Other people love to tell you when you "can do better." Tell them jokers to hush. Their view of your sitch is different cuz they aren't looking with the same angle you have. Sometimes that's a good thing, but sometimes....people will have something to say regardless.

I told my sister the other day that I saw a cute security guard, but I just could not date no flashlight cop and take him seriously. She didn't like that at all! "What's wrong with him? You don't know, he might..." Yall know the rest. What's wrong with him is it's time for me to step up. Not step back. Or step laterally.
I also told her of another young man who I thought was FINE! But he...let's just say his "job" is not one that gives you a W-2 come tax time. He was attractive, but I said to myself, as a young woman with a bachelor of science degree, what I look like running with the rats? I'm not finna get Fanchon Stinger-ed out here. (look it up y'all....)

Now, for one reason or another I am known for being attracted to the riff raff. Yes, y'all; it's true. At school the perception is I like those race car jacket-wearing boys with the dreads and golds.....(that's only half true.) But now if I try to step it up and do sumthing different, then I'm being stuck up and think I'm too good....
TIGER WOODS CAN MARRY A DAMN NANNY....but let me try sum shit like that....

My belief is that if I am as successful and self-sufficient as I plan to be, at that point the man's status is irrelevant. I'm going to be at a level where there is nothing he could offer me financially, so if he works for the FBI or for Foot Locker, there's nothing he can buy me that I can't buy myself. At that point, the intangibles take precedence. How does he make me feel? If the blue-collar brother makes me dinner, runs my bath water, is reliable, faithful, spiritual, intelligent, fun-loving and has good character while million-dollar man is not, is it still lowering my standards if I pick Guy #1?

You think while you're young you can waste time and have fun and date whomever cuz it's "just a date." Well, that one date turns into 2 and and 2 turns into sleepovers and before you know it you're in love....or pregnant...so make every choice count.

Thank You

Hi Anonymous,

When I get a little more time I will respond to all your comments, but I just wanted to tell you that I really appreciate you (and everyone else) for taking the time to read my thoughts. And even more so for sharing your opinions. Thank you so much!