Soo the Universe is beating me over the head

1. My man is gone. Fa reals. Like ki-ki-ing with some other chick for months.
2. I'm in a new state.
3. Just joined a new church.

Simply put, my life looks 180-degrees different from how it looked a year ago. A year and a half ago. Two years ago. All tangible signs point to progress...

But my head and heart have been grieving. Literally aching for a time and place I didn't even want when I was there...makes no sense, does it?

EVERYTHING has been telling me to get over it and move forward. But I've been walking under a cloud of guilt/depression/heartache that I could not get away from. For at least eight good months, no lie. Please let me know if you know how it feels to wake up every day and tell yourself today will be better...but it just feels worse. Or you smile for five minutes but cry 55. *looks for raised hands*

We talk about things coming in threes. It is only 2 p.m., and already I had a convo with my mom who said she simply wanted to tell me to be positive and move on with my life. Speak life, she said, don't say something that will make things worse. And use this time to write something. (She also added, "Make sure you aren't drinking too much because that will change your personality." She was right...)

When I woke up this morning, I had an email from Joel Osteen titled "Press Forward and Upward." Here's an excerpt:

See, in order to press forward, we have to let go of the weight of the past. We let go by forgiving and choosing not to dwell on things that can hold us back. We have to lighten our load, so to speak, so that we can rise higher in the things God has for us. Today, if you are struggling in an area, ask God what you need to let go of. Sometimes, we need to let go of the good as well as the bad.

Then just now, I randomly clicked on my horoscope on EBONY Magazine's website. (Trust me, I typically don't pay these any attention.) But this dang horoscope echoed everything:

Well, look who’s shining like a newly minted coin this week! You, of course! This week we have a new moon in Cancer, Saturn finally going forward after months and a re-birth cycle for Mercury with something we astro-folks call an “inferior conjunction.” The inferior conjunction means that Mercury moves backward into the heart of the Sun to shed his inferior self—all the gunk, thoughts, beliefs and actions that have been holding him back. So I read that as a cosmic prayer and intention for you, Cancer. Time to upgrade your shell, since I can’t imagine you abandoning it altogether. This doesn’t mean your shell should become battle armor, though you have some battles ahead. I see it as tougher skin, but a whole lot more flexible and porous. But this takes time. This week is time to get more comfortable in your renewed skin. So be patient with yourself and others.

GOD, I get it, I really do. You want me to get my life. Grab it by the balls and get out here and LIV. I hear  you. I hear you.

Sooo help me to do it...