They say a parent isnt supposed to bury her child. we come into this world small, defenseless, unable to take care of ourselves. A lot of the times it's just you and mama. She literally holds you and nurses you through life.
And sum of us leave here the same way.
Monday, March 30,my grandmother did the strongest thing I've seen anybody do: she sat by her daughter's side, held her hand and watched her die.
I got the call from my cousin at about 4 p.m. "I need a ride to my grandma's house cuz they giving her two hours to live." I called my mother to let her know that her sister was hanging in the balance. And she told me to call their mother, my granny, because she wasn't sure if she knew yet.
How do you call a mother and tell her her child is about to die? But I did it. I picked her and another aunt up and took them to the house where Auntie Deborah was. And Granny, 75, mother of 6, walked in that house, pulled up a chair, held Auntie's hand, 56, a mother of 12, and talked to her baby for the few hours it took her to transition out of this life.
"Deborah? I'm here. IT's your mother. And your kids are here...all your daughters....your sons....your grandbabies. We're here, Deborah. And we love you. You're my firstborn. DO you know that?? My firstborn. I was so happy when I had you..."
We got the diagnosis just a few short months ago: terminal cancer. It started with brain tumors, then lymph nodes in her chest and on the top of her spine. And even chemotherapy perverted itself and decided to aggravate the situation, instead of being the healing force it usually is. Less than two weeks ago the family decided to stop the radiation. And in a few days Auntie's body started to shut down.
Some ppl say "I dont do hospitals..." or "I dont do funerals." For someone you love, who was always full of life, chatty, fun, loving, and seemingly ageless - to see them literally fading before your eyes - unable to speak, eat, or really see you, eyes sunken in, cannot even drink water or she'll choke, cannot move her body by her own will, finding it hard to breathe even with oxygen tubes inside of her...that's tough.
But granny sat there by her side. And she was there as much as she could be through auntie's entire struggle. Granny lost her firstborn son in May 2006. And her mother February 2007. You ask yourself how much pain can a person take.
We spoke in whispered tones and tried not to make much noise. "Too many people will excite her," auntie's daughters said, "And she'll start having trouble breathing." A cane fell to the floor and clanked real loud. Auntie jumped a little bit, and for us all it was a small victory that meant she was still with us.
"You hear that Deborah, dont you?" Granny asked her, smiling. Then to the rest of us without turning around, "Put that thang up!"
At one point, a cross-dressed man walked in. I dont know how Granny saw it, but you know how mothers are - eyes in the back of their head. "What the hell is that?" she said softly. Then, "Yall please get out of here and let my baby have some peace."
The nurse said for everyone to clear out except immediate family. I started to leave, but my cousin said, "We want all the kids and friends out so she can have a peaceful transition. But, Dria dont you move."
I stood beside Granny and put my hand on her shoulder, trying to see if she was OK. She clearly didn't need me. She was much stronger than I was anyhow. When I first got there I held Auntie's hand. It was warm, and I could feel her holding my hand as well....but as the day went on, it got colder and clammy. I felt her jerk and twitch as she gasped to try to breathe. "You have to talk her through it," her kids said. "She gets nervous when she doesnt hear anybody talking to her."
I couldn't hold back my tears, but granny? No tears to be found. How could she comfort Auntie if she wasn't together herself. People streamed in all day to get one last look, but Granny never took her attention off Auntie.
The nurse needed all 12 of Auntie's kids to consent to not performing CPR when auntie stopped breathing. She had 11 signatures, but it would be a challenge to get the last one. They called my cousin in jail and asked him to consent - but he hadn't even known his mother was sick...what a way to find out. Granny is the only one who talks to him regularly, despite all his siblings and everybody else in our fam. She sends birthday cards and a little money from her fixed income every month...but she hadn't quite figured out how to tell him this. He was upset, but he said OK, he didnt want her to suffer anymore. So after they hung up, we all went back to waiting.
People broke down all around us. Many went outside to cry because they didnt want to do it around Auntie. My sister and I eventually left. A while after we did, they put a sheet over her and called the funeral home. We come here naked, then get clothed and wrapped in blankets. She left here in a bag, carried by her sons. My other aunt spent the night at Granny's, so she wouldnt be alone. But honestly, Granny was better than the rest of us.
We like to ask God for miracles. We read scriptures like, "By HIS stripes we are healed." We hear of how so-and-so's cancer went into remission and hope our loved one will fight through and beat their situation as well. But sometimes instead God will just offer us the Serenity to accept the things we cannot change. Sometimes we will look at our toughest trial and find that we somehow had the peace to get through it.
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Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Fuck Corporate America
...Because Corporate America does not give a fuck about you. Or its own employees. (Reference Madoff, Enron, Tyco, AIG, The Big 3 and allll of Wall Street.)
Corporate America wants you to work yourself and be inconvenienced by them, in return for what? A funky lil paycheck that taxes eat all up anyway? Time=$. Got that part. But there are cases when your time is actually more important - a concept Corporate America does not comprehend.
E.G: Yesterday my aunt died of cancer. A few hours later I was scheduled to work from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. Now, because I started a new job, the first 90 days are like a probationary period. In fact, in the interview I was told, "The quickest way not to work for me is to call off or show up late."
But I was kinda hoping that watching a relative suffer and die was a legitimate reason to have a personal night off...what you think????
SO I called the office and explained the situation. Her response:
(Pause. Hesitation. "In the first 90 days there really is no legitimate excuse, but you could call in tonight and in the morning talk to HR and see if there's anything they can do for you. But I don't advise that. Or you could come in and talk the supervisor and see if she'll give you an approved Early Out, which I recommend."
Let's review the options:
A. Get fired tonite and beg for your job tomorrow.
B. Get up, come all the way down here, hope the supervisor has sympathy - but be prepared to stay all nite just in case she doesn't.
OK. So I get to the pre-shift mtg and explain the sitch to the head supervisor. Her response, y'all:
(Hesitation.} "Do you have to leave like right now?"
Not right now, I said, but as soon as possible.
"OK, well we'll see what we can do after last call. BUt make sure you remind me cuz I tend to forget stuff like that," she said.
SO I'm like, it's 11 now, and last call is 1:15 a.m. SURELY the world is not going to end in the next two hours if I don't serve these ppl these lil funky pops and s*it. But if this is my option, OK. I wind up having an hour lunch break at 1 anyway, and when I reminded this woman, she opened her mouth and said to me, "OH Yeahhh....I have to talk the girls with seniority and ask if they don't mind you leaving."
WTF??????
This chick coulda said that to start with.... OR how bout this: YOU'RE THE MANAGER. YOU DON'T HAVE TO CONSULT WITH ANYBODY. YOU DECIDE WHO GETS TO STAY AND WHO LEAVES, AND WHAT TIME THEY DO SO. So you gon seriously look me in my face and say you have to ask sum girls (with NO authority) who barely even know me if it's alright that my aunt died today and so I dont fuckin feel like serving drinks for eight hours???
OMG. And do you think that trick eva got back to me???
Tell you what....I'm out here lookin for a REAL job rite now w/ evryone else, so it's not like I don't need a little sumthing from Corporate America rite now. But it'll be even better when I work for my damnself.
Oh, and because DevaDonna aint neva scared, fuck MGM GRAND DETROIT.
Corporate America wants you to work yourself and be inconvenienced by them, in return for what? A funky lil paycheck that taxes eat all up anyway? Time=$. Got that part. But there are cases when your time is actually more important - a concept Corporate America does not comprehend.
E.G: Yesterday my aunt died of cancer. A few hours later I was scheduled to work from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. Now, because I started a new job, the first 90 days are like a probationary period. In fact, in the interview I was told, "The quickest way not to work for me is to call off or show up late."
But I was kinda hoping that watching a relative suffer and die was a legitimate reason to have a personal night off...what you think????
SO I called the office and explained the situation. Her response:
(Pause. Hesitation. "In the first 90 days there really is no legitimate excuse, but you could call in tonight and in the morning talk to HR and see if there's anything they can do for you. But I don't advise that. Or you could come in and talk the supervisor and see if she'll give you an approved Early Out, which I recommend."
Let's review the options:
A. Get fired tonite and beg for your job tomorrow.
B. Get up, come all the way down here, hope the supervisor has sympathy - but be prepared to stay all nite just in case she doesn't.
OK. So I get to the pre-shift mtg and explain the sitch to the head supervisor. Her response, y'all:
(Hesitation.} "Do you have to leave like right now?"
Not right now, I said, but as soon as possible.
"OK, well we'll see what we can do after last call. BUt make sure you remind me cuz I tend to forget stuff like that," she said.
SO I'm like, it's 11 now, and last call is 1:15 a.m. SURELY the world is not going to end in the next two hours if I don't serve these ppl these lil funky pops and s*it. But if this is my option, OK. I wind up having an hour lunch break at 1 anyway, and when I reminded this woman, she opened her mouth and said to me, "OH Yeahhh....I have to talk the girls with seniority and ask if they don't mind you leaving."
WTF??????
This chick coulda said that to start with.... OR how bout this: YOU'RE THE MANAGER. YOU DON'T HAVE TO CONSULT WITH ANYBODY. YOU DECIDE WHO GETS TO STAY AND WHO LEAVES, AND WHAT TIME THEY DO SO. So you gon seriously look me in my face and say you have to ask sum girls (with NO authority) who barely even know me if it's alright that my aunt died today and so I dont fuckin feel like serving drinks for eight hours???
OMG. And do you think that trick eva got back to me???
Tell you what....I'm out here lookin for a REAL job rite now w/ evryone else, so it's not like I don't need a little sumthing from Corporate America rite now. But it'll be even better when I work for my damnself.
Oh, and because DevaDonna aint neva scared, fuck MGM GRAND DETROIT.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I Ain't No Groupie...
But I am a little upset I missed the casting of "For the Love of Ray J."
I woulda had to get my New York on. Well, not really, cuz she lost. In this case I really want the man, not the notoriety. If I coulda got on this Ray J joint four months ago, chile, it woulda been sumthin serious. DO you hear me? Cuz I mean it. Think about it: he aint a baffoon or detestable wildebeest like Flav, and as a bonus he mite actually have money. And if not money, he got enuf pull from being Brandy's brother to have a decent lifestyle with minimal actual effort on his behalf.
The only downfall is his penchant for either banging "Different" women:
or trampy, lost, skanky crack hoes:
But I could almost forgive his sexxy a**
I woulda had to get my New York on. Well, not really, cuz she lost. In this case I really want the man, not the notoriety. If I coulda got on this Ray J joint four months ago, chile, it woulda been sumthin serious. DO you hear me? Cuz I mean it. Think about it: he aint a baffoon or detestable wildebeest like Flav, and as a bonus he mite actually have money. And if not money, he got enuf pull from being Brandy's brother to have a decent lifestyle with minimal actual effort on his behalf.
The only downfall is his penchant for either banging "Different" women:
or trampy, lost, skanky crack hoes:
But I could almost forgive his sexxy a**
So Much For Riding The Momentum
I thought reality shows were for the purpose of gaining popularity....so what tha heck happened to Brutha?
Their BET reality show (you know the one where their fuc**d up family fought every single episode, then made up through a capella harmonizing) had no real season finale. Then the album came out - you didn't see them doing appearances anywhere- and like 2 ppl bought it. (Cuz I dont think anyone else knew it was out.) Me and another joker who I'm sure would like his money back as well.
It's a shame, cuz those boys can really sing. All jokes aside.....I put them up there with my Making the Band boys. (whom yall know I love! PLUG: Album in stores next month! OH Yessss!!!!)
But yea, all you reality ppl if you want your career to tank, get with Diddy or BET. If you want to take off, roll with VH1!
(What a sad statement...let's see what happens with Lil Ray J *smh*)
Their BET reality show (you know the one where their fuc**d up family fought every single episode, then made up through a capella harmonizing) had no real season finale. Then the album came out - you didn't see them doing appearances anywhere- and like 2 ppl bought it. (Cuz I dont think anyone else knew it was out.) Me and another joker who I'm sure would like his money back as well.
It's a shame, cuz those boys can really sing. All jokes aside.....I put them up there with my Making the Band boys. (whom yall know I love! PLUG: Album in stores next month! OH Yessss!!!!)
But yea, all you reality ppl if you want your career to tank, get with Diddy or BET. If you want to take off, roll with VH1!
(What a sad statement...let's see what happens with Lil Ray J *smh*)
Quick Hits
1. Why is CARTOON NETWORK launching reality shows? And scripted shows with live-action? Just seems a litle contradictory....
2. Waiters, do you cringe when you see that your section is full of black people? I do. Cuz they do NOT tip - and have the nerve to be extra bossy.
3. Is it just me, or is Forever 21 like the Rainbow and Rave for black college girls?
4. Why is it that people can't get enough of specialty coffee cafes? Ima open my own Starbucks-type joint, except our offerings will inlclude alcoholic beverages. Why? Because people damn near try to beat me down at work when I tell them last call was like, an hour ago.
And I end with this:
Diddy is holding a casting call for models for Ciroc vodka commercials. The specs are: White, Hispanic or light-skinned black women only, 5'6" or taller and a size 7 or smaller....wow. (SO HIS BABY MAMAS COULDN'T EVEN MAKE THE CUT? Hmmmm...and I'm sorry Naomi Campbell, Jessica White, Roshumba or any of you other dark-skinned beauties - I guess y'all not good enough to sell "high-class liquor")
2. Waiters, do you cringe when you see that your section is full of black people? I do. Cuz they do NOT tip - and have the nerve to be extra bossy.
3. Is it just me, or is Forever 21 like the Rainbow and Rave for black college girls?
4. Why is it that people can't get enough of specialty coffee cafes? Ima open my own Starbucks-type joint, except our offerings will inlclude alcoholic beverages. Why? Because people damn near try to beat me down at work when I tell them last call was like, an hour ago.
And I end with this:
Diddy is holding a casting call for models for Ciroc vodka commercials. The specs are: White, Hispanic or light-skinned black women only, 5'6" or taller and a size 7 or smaller....wow. (SO HIS BABY MAMAS COULDN'T EVEN MAKE THE CUT? Hmmmm...and I'm sorry Naomi Campbell, Jessica White, Roshumba or any of you other dark-skinned beauties - I guess y'all not good enough to sell "high-class liquor")
Thursday, March 12, 2009
5...4...3...2...
Well helloooo Good People!
I know I am wayyy overdue for a return; I miss my damnself, lol. Post-graduation life has been, whew, - i dont even know how to describe it - lessons learned, love lost; you know that "real world" stuff people speak of. But despite everything, I've had a LOT of happiness goin on too...so I'll fill y'all in soon, thanks for your patience.
DEVADONNA is on her way back, fam!!! muah!
I know I am wayyy overdue for a return; I miss my damnself, lol. Post-graduation life has been, whew, - i dont even know how to describe it - lessons learned, love lost; you know that "real world" stuff people speak of. But despite everything, I've had a LOT of happiness goin on too...so I'll fill y'all in soon, thanks for your patience.
DEVADONNA is on her way back, fam!!! muah!
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