Marginal Utility

This is just a question I've tossed around my mind:
If you are rich and famous to the point where you can buy anything you want, then what expectations do you have from the woman in your life? To put it another way, what makes one woman desirable over another?

To answer my own question:
I think it just comes down to attractiveness. At a certain point, all you need a woman for is to look good enough to make everyone else jealous, thereby boosting your status even more...but even that boggles me, because "eye candy" is replaceable...so what gets you from a pretty arm decoration to the title of "wife"?

I was at granny's house a couple weeks ago helping her make macaroni and cheese and sweet potato pie, and I said something about her doing the most with all her ingredients and processes and what not. She said to me, "Y'all don't know what it means to take the time to make a meal that tastes delicious."

Granny, I agree, but I think some of us won't ever have to. (I'm clearly not one of them, no rich man has come by with a gravy train just yet, so I'm guessing that means I need to have other things going for me.)
We know gender roles are changing, but I still don't think it would be unreasonable if my husband expected me to be domestically competent enough to say...fix dinner for the kids or mop the bathroom floor.

But if I am, say, a 25-year-old athlete with like $16 million in guaranteed money, then I can buy a chef....therefore, I don't need a woman who knows how to cook.
I can hire a nanny....so it wouldn't be a problem if my woman was high maintenance and had marginal mothering skills.
I can hire a housekeeper...so a woman wouldn't need to be clean and tidy.
I can hire a personal assistant...so a woman wouldn't have to be organized, or schedule things or plan anything or keep me on my toes and remind me of things I may forget.
I can hire a financial planner....so my woman wouldn't even have to necessarily balance her own checkbook.
I can hire a stylist...so the chick could be color blind; wouldn't matter.
I can hire a decorator...so it would be OK if the woman couldn't help pick dinner plates or couch pillows.
I can hire a personal makeup artist and hairstylist, and pay for weekly spa visits...so there'd be no excuse for any woman to look less than flawless from top to bottom on any given day.

So, with that in mind, what do I need a wife for, and what makes one gorgeous girl more desirable than another?

I thought about something else, after looking at things for a while...Money allows one to enter a whole different culture - you acquire expensive tastes and hobbies. A life of leisure is now the norm. You may suddenly enjoy things like skiing, hunting, snowboarding, eating sushi, riding motorcycles and ATVs, golfing, jet-skiing, buying nice cars, island-hopping, etc....Now, Keisha from 6 mile may not have had access to such activities in her urban upbringing...but Becky from Beverly Hills just might have done all these things routinely before seeing puberty, which means that you (black athlete/rapper/celeb X) now have more things in common with her than with the girls you used to get down with...Just a thought, but that's a whole 'nother topic.

Why White America May Fear Michelle More Than Barack

(THIS WAS AN E-MAIL FORWARD THAT I FELT COMPELLED TO POST...IT MAKES SENSE TO ME)
Excerpts from a 'Jack & Jill politics' newsletter:

...as hard as it is to accept a black president, it's even harder to accept a black first lady. First Lady has always held a beloved sentimental mother/wife of the nation symbolism. Conservatives are not ready to have to look at this very BLACK woman with her degrees and her fierceness and see her as the epitome of the American mother/wife.

This will be a first for white people. They do not want this black woman in the Whitehouse as their first lady. That New Yorker cartoon was [actually] about Michelle - she was its focal point*..look closely... she is the leader, the one starting the "revolution" they want you to imagine****

MSNBC's Chris Matthews said, in the course of covering the Obama candidacy, 'He (Barack Obama) brings none of the ' bad stuff, you know?" By 'Bad Stuff', he meant the legacy of [whites] enslaving Africans in this country, keeping them as second-class citizens until 1965, a mere 11 years before this country celebrated its 200th anniversary. You know, 'the original sin', or 'the birth defect', as Condi Rice called it. Barack escapes this 'bad stuff' only because his mother was white and may have had ancestors involved in the slave trade; and also because Barack's father was not African American. He was full blooded African and therefore Barack had no ancestors enslaved by America - and so the white guilt factor is missing when they think of him. HOWEVER, NO SUCH LUCK WITH MICHELLE!

Michelle Obama is a direct threat and lightening bolt against White Superiority. Because,she's Black* VISIBLY BLACK* But it's important to note, she does not, in any way, shape, or form, contour to the acceptable Black Pathologies that enable White Supremacy to sigh with relief. [welfare mother, fatherless child, druggie, etc.] Michelle was raised in a neighborhood. In a home. With TWO parents. No child revolving in and out of jail. Raised by a Black man who not only provided for his family, but did so, WITH A DISABILITY. Her mother had a working class job - secretary- but it was taken ONLY after she had seen her youngest child settle into HIGH SCHOOL.

Michelle Obama's poise, her confidence, her aura - that was created by that humble Black man, who by all accounts, adored her. He told her that she is worthy, and so, when you have that told to you by the first man who loves and protects you, you seek that validation of that in your choice of mate, you'll settle for nothing less, and Michelle hasn't.

Michelle Obama, doesn't fit any of the acceptable Black pathologies. And when you don't fit the acceptable Black pathologies, then you must be destroyed. Michelle Obama has become the face of the Black America whose existence is routinely denied by this country. Think about it.

In ONE generation, the face of this 'Invisible America' has gone from living on the top floor of a bungalow, to the possibility of living in The White House. And yet, Michelle Obama, refuses to say " I'm special", in order to give white America its usual security blanket [that she is one of the exceptions rather than the rule], So what should be done?

Beat her down into submission.

Michelle Obama represents everything we black women want our daughters to be. When we stand up for her we stand up for ourselves. No other women in the world are more neglected and abused as African women period. Michelle looks like [our] daughters, her daughters look like us. We love the way Barack looks at her we adore the way he looks at his daughters. The Obamas represent the hope that we can be loved by our men and they will support us in whatever we do. Little African American girls need a vision and
dream of what it is like to be loved by a man who looks just like them.

Is America ready for a First Lady who looks like her? A regular black woman? Not a passable biracial curly haired girl that they call black, but a regular black woman from the south side of Chicago? With dark skin?

Is she going to be the face of The Woman on the largest pedestal in the country? A self-confessed "loud-mouth" black woman? If the Obamas succeed, it turns white supremacy upside down. And not because a black man is in the White House; but, because a black woman will be there who didn't have to come in the back door to lie in bed with the president.

Everybody's Crazy Bout a Sharp-Dressed Man

I love a man in uniform, I really do. For the longest time I was sure I was going to the Army. But after this "war," I tell you I am scared to death of a military man.

I was talking to an Air Force veteran the other day. He said he's like 30 and has been married 3 times...and is on the brink of divorce with the current one. I told him, "It's that military in you." He said, "You know what? I think you're right. They all say I have no emotion. They're right, but they knew that coming into it. I'm not romantic at all. I make em laugh, i make em cry; that should be enough."

Now, dearie, that's a trained killing machine. And for years that man (or woman) has been surrounded by unimaginable death and destruction. Are you really surprised he or she may not be romantic?! These people are in a state of constant paranoia where they don't know who the enemy is - but they do know ANYone could be the enemy - man, woman or child. They have to be alert 24/7, and the people they are fighting alongside could be blown to bits in the blink of an eye...And you want them to come home and be romantic? I think these people need automatic and extensive transitional counseling to ease them back into civilian life. I am terrified I'll be laying in bed next to a Marine and his ass might wake up in the middle of the night with a flashback and snap my neck.

I am not involved with a military man, and I don't want to disrespect anyone who is. I can only imagine what it's like for y'all, but after all the hell you've been through, hell naw, I wouldn't ask for romance! I love a man in uniform, I really do - but y'all sitting on the edge of crazy, and unfortunately it's not your fault!

It's Not You; It's Me

I work in a facility full of multi-millionaires. Please believe, I used to park my little 1994 Toyota Corolla right next to their Escalades and Beemers. I deserve to be there in my capacity just like they belong in theirs! The same GM signs all our paychecks, shoot.

But there are other times I feel incredibly inadequate. This morning I looked at the MySpace page of a dude I'm talking to. KABLAM - all I saw in his friends spot-thing were tons and tons of naked chicks. They were very pretty girls: tall, long hair, thick, curvy, built. I was instantaneously convinced that no matter what this dude says, I could not be the type of chick he wants. He's entering the entertainment biz, and looking at the company he's keeping now, I just cannot compete. I see him with a Trina, a Melissa Ford, a Vida Guerra...not a DevaDonna.

As long as I have these feelings of inadequacy, a relationship is not even a possibility. Sometimes when people say, "It's not you - it's me," they really do mean it.

I'm Conceited, I Got a Reason

I would never be one of those women who assumes that everyone who speaks is trynna holla. However, my ex dilligently tried to explain to me that if a guy asks for your number, it's for a reason. So far, I have to admit, he was right.
(Can I conversely conclude that no matter how long we talk, if a guy does not ask for the #, does that mean he wasn't feelin' me at all?)
For instance, I was networking (at work) with this older gentleman (with less than an iota of attractivity.)He works in the field I am trying to go into and asked what I was looking to do when my internship ends. He seemed surprised when I said I had nothing lined up and told me he would keep his eyes open for me because his station has openings all the time. He asked for my contact information, and I unwittingly obliged. (That's why a sista needs a business card, y'all) Well several weeks later, this fellow sent me a random text.
"Hi," it said.
"Hi," I wrote back - I ain't know who it was.
"This is (blank) from Channel (blank). I didn't want to bother you at work so I figured a text would be better."
"Oh! Good to hear from you," I replied, figuring this was a lead on some employment.
"When's a good time to call?" was his next text. An internal red flag went up. I didn't answer.
Several hours elapsed....he sent a duplicate text. Against my better judgment, this time I answered, "Anytime after 5, and please leave a message if I don't pick up." (I guess I was holding on to hope that he had contacted me for a good reason).
"OK," came his reply. "I was hoping we could hang out some time."

WTF!!!! Blindsided again! I looked at that damn text incredulously....took me a while to pick my jaw up off the floor. And in my head I could hear Dave Chapelle saying, "Gotcha, bitch!"

Non-Church Folk Love to Tell Church Folk How to Act

"Christians always be the main ones judging you," is the lame excuse they use

NEWS FLASH: EVERYONE judges you! Hence the phrases:

-perception is reality
-you have one chance to make a first impression
-put your best foot forward
-what you see is what you get

If a Christian has an opinion (particularly if it's negative), people confuse that with being judgmental. Guess what? Being a Christian does not mean you automatically view everything around you as roses and potpourri. If your shirt does not complement your figure, what does that have to do with me being a Christian? If your weave is straight and your roots are nappy, making that observation does not counter my Christianity.

-Why don't you wear sweatpants and gym shoes to a job interivew?
BECAUSE SOMEONE IS JUDGING YOU!
-Why do you come to school sugar-sharp on the first day of class?
BECAUSE SOMEONE IS JUDGING YOU!
-Why do you ball your heart out in a championship game?
BECAUSE SOMEONE IS JUDGING YOU!
-Why are Halle Berry and Angelina Jolie seen as beautiful?
BECAUSE SOMEONE JUDGED THEM TO BE SO!
-Why do celebs take out the trash in a full face of makeup?
BECAUSE SOMEONE IS LYING IN WAIT TO TAKE A PICTURE AND JUDGE THEM!

Granted, I attend a pretty liberal church. We believe Jesus came that we might have life, and have it more abundantly. So you won't hear me say you can't dance, or you can't listen to secular music, or you can't have a drink or you're going to hell if you buy a scratch-off lottery ticket. At the same time, there are certainly some activities I view as negative and therefore decline to engage in.

BUT PLEASE WAKE UP - EVERYONE IS JUDGING YOU - ALL THE TIME!

"Keyboard Gangsters"

That's what John Legend calls today's mad bloggers and Internet writers. People get online, hide behind a screen name and say all kinds of vicious things they'd never say in person. Like the "liquid courage" of loud drunks, the Internet has created a kind of "digital courage," whereby ppl get the nerve to judge others and start all kinds of rumors and lies. It's easy to be a "writer" these days....And once it's in print, the "public" takes their opinions as fact.
But a real WRITER- that's a whole different creature. It's someone who has a very real courage. It takes far more brass and skill to bare your soul before the public. To stand behind your words, having full knowledge that they shape others' opinions of you. It requires a love of language, a belief in the exposure of truth and a hypersensitive passion. To lay your emotions out in the permanency of pen and ink renders you naked.
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Life, Life

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"U Can't Have it Both Ways"

Is it absence makes the heart grow fonder - OR Out of sight, out of mind?
Is there a once-in-a-lifetime love - OR "You'll find someone else," like your friends tell you after a breakup?
Is there somebody for everybody -OR is everyone replaceable?
What you see is what you get - OR don't judge a book by its cover?
What happens when you meet the man of your dreams - and he ain't shit?
You never get over your first love - OR Time heals all wounds?
And if time heals all wounds.....why am I still crying?

"You Are in Charge of Your Own Orgasm"

For all you liberated women who own and embrace your sexuality, I applaud you.
All I hear these days is how men want a woman to take charge and initiate things sometimes. "If you don't have an orgasm, it's your fault," these liberated women say. I suppose the popularity of black smut - I mean, erotica - has encouraged this movement. ESSENCE has a monthly sex & intimacy section, and Zane even has her own our series on Cinemax to teach women to get the love/romance/sex they deserve.
But bruthas, if you're looking for me to chase you down with my whip and whipped cream and hop on top with my handcuffs, I'm sorry to disappoint, but it ain't gonna happen! When I stick my toe in the water, there's this littttle thing called religion that holds me back.
For sum ppl, the taboo part of a thing is half the fun - OK, that's fine if it's something like your mama told you to be home at 10 and you sneak in at 11....It's something other else if you read the Bible and believe you're engaging in an act that can sentence you to eternal damnation - the stakes are a little higher here, ppl. We, in our mortal wisdom, allow ourselves to question the Bible and accept the parts we want. I know many young Christians who can tell me more about sex than the contents of Psalms, Samuel or Song of Solomon! That's a huge contradiction to me.
If you're ignorant, stay that way. It's worse if you know to do right and fail to do so.
I know it's a lotta full-out freaks that got ya'll spolied out here fellas. On the one hand, I feel like I need to know the tricks they using to take our men from us "prudes." But on the other hand, if I do something and my Spirit convicts me, that means it was something I should not have done.
It's not my place to tell you something is wrong; that's an individual decision. But for those of us who subscribe to certain beliefs, I'd like to know who gave us permission to bend the letter of the law?
The world tells us sexuality is a beautiful thing and a natural instinct (like hunger and thirst) and that sex is an integral part of a relationship.
But I still can't reconcile that with my guilty conscience.