Open Letter to Love

I'd like to take this time to thank you, Lord, for being the sovereign controller of my life,

for being the Final authority in every situation,

for placing me in situations I couldn't understand and therefore didn't know the purpose they were serving,

for teaching me patience, happiness and loyalty to my true self,

for surrounding me by my people who allow me to be myself and appreciate who that person is,

for giving me TWO jobs when many people don't have one, and for allowing me to enjoy each and every coworker I have - THAT itself is a blessing,

for teaching me that I can only move on to the next level after I pass the current test - and for allowing me to recognize when I am being tested,

for revealing yourself to me in subtle, unexpected ways,

for allowing me to speak your truth and serve as a vessel to confirm your realness in other people's lives,

for convicting me when I'm wrong, thereby letting me know you are still guiding me and that I answer to a higher adjudicator,

for people who love me even when I don't deserve it - far too many people to name,

for parents who love each other and put their kids only second to You,

for serenity, courage, wisdom, peace, faith, hope and strength,

for sunshine, cool breezes, literature, genuine smiles and a sense of humor,

for turning my sister from an enemy to a best friend,

for the "random" angels you send to share divine revelations and insights,

for the blessings you bestow upon others, because those examples increase my faith as well.

for not blessing what I'm doing, but rather teaching me to do what You're blessing,

for the simple fact that even though I'm not where (I think) I want to be, I have sense enough to follow where You lead me.

I'm a little overwhelmed by your grace and your mercy; I'm grateful that you think enough of me that you make the effort to "Perfect that which concerneth me," as the psalmist says. I take comfort in the fact that I never walk alone. Sometimes your presence makes me smile, sometimes it makes me cry, other times it gives me chills.

And I don't care if another soul never reads this...I just needed to thank You.

Every Idle Word

Sooner or later I'll learn to stop fussing and complaining because MOST of the time what I find myself dreading doesn't even turn out to be that bad.

My godfather called me an hour ago like meet him at the gas station so he can buy me some T-shirts. For the record, I HATE those on-the-corner ill-fitting T-shirts. I was online trying to read e-mails and news and whatnot so I just kept on being busy. He called me back, of course, so I came up to the gas station, quickly looked at the shirts and told him I was not interested in any one.

What happened next really surprised me - He pulled out some money and told me to go buy myself something I like. After all that fussing I did, it turned out to be a much-needed blessing!

PRAISE HIM!!!! Yet another reason to keep your mouth shut and let ppl work on your behalf!

Tell the Whole Story

You know we church people know all the Bible catchphrases. But instead of just repeating what we hear, we really should go find the verses for ourselves. I'm saying that because an excerpt taken out of context really does little good.

And reading half a verse still leaves you with half the truth. On Sunday, the preacher directed us to the book of Isaiah and had us read 54:14. But my eyes skimmed down to verse 17 and saw the ever-popular "No weapon formed against me shall prosper." I thought, cool, now I know where it is. I highlight and underline all in my Bible and do all kindsa stuff like that. So then I read the rest of the verse.

"No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD."

That's giving you victory over a LOT, even over words and critics and 'haters,' as we like to say...Now that's good stuff.

(Rick Ross said it pretty eloquently too, though: "Who gives a **** what a hater got to say?" JUST KIDDING!!!! :P)

"Recessionary Times"

I know a lot of people don't believe what I believe, but let me just remind you that almost every cliche, every saying and every theme or motif you've ever heard or seen has a Biblical basis.

I ran across II Corinthians 4:17 while in church on Sunday and the verse really struck me as an answer to the tough times many people are going through right now. It says, "For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;"

What does that sound like to you? It sounds like, "Trouble don't last always"...."Everything happens for a reason"....or "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

I know we all have problems and issues we don't understand, but in reality, it's a "light" affliction that has a definite ending and serves a lasting purpose for you.

I'm not anybody's preacher...I just got my own understanding of this as it seems my own light affliction is finally passing. :O)

Re: Detroit 187

So here's the trailer for new ABC crime show "Detroit 187" It focuses on police and detectives responding to homicides in the nation's murder capital. Um.....I can tell it's gonna make me mad. I almost wish they'd have just made up a city, cuz this aint one of those pretty, glamourous "CSI:Miami" type joints. However, if they ever shot more than just cover shots here, I would like to work for the show. Not gonna lie.

http://video.hollywoodreporter.com/services/player/bcpid86250324001?bclid=86130038001&bctid=86633001001

Desperate Housewives

I thought it was something I would like. I tried to watch the ABC show "Desperate Housewives" but was never captivated, so I added this to the pile of obsessions/phenoms that will pass me by.

But now I learn that the the fabulous Vanessa Williams will be joining the cast. This lady is NEVER unemployed for long - "Ugly Betty" just ended a few weeks ago! So when I'm not out working my ass off, I'll be trying to catch this show every once in a while. Wonder who her husband/love interest will be...all the Housewives have one, right? Except maybe Alfre Woodard when she was on there with that creppy hiding-my-son-in-the-basement plot...(?)

Facing the Facts

I want a baby.

People keep saying, "No you don't! Don't say that." But uh....yea, I do. It stems from them being sooo cute, and me not wanting to be an old mama. At 23, I'm not where I hoped I'd be career-wise, and I'm realizing there's no way I can gauge how long that will take. That really has me worried that I will be 42 years old at the second-grade Christmas play.

At 23, there are girls who have like, a 6-year-jump on me. I cannot be 50 when all the other mamas are like 30. No sir!

However, I am rational enough to realize that because I'm at the entry level of my career, and because I have such lofty goals, this is the time to be on 100% grind mode. This requires complete focus, dedication, hunger, and even self-centeredness - I can't afford to try to divide my attention right now.

Beyond that, I have some more self-actualizing to do . I'd like to cross more items off my bucket list and reach a higher level of wholeness and self-acceptance before I try to instill values in someone else and try to guide his or her life.

Beyond that, I'm still pretty selfish/impulsive/undisciplined - also traits that a parent should not have. I like to spend my money on ice cream clothes lip gloss and frappucinos. I like to get up at a moment's notice and go anywhere. Children will infringe upon my right to blow my cash on frivolity! I like to be by myself sometimes and have complete silence or maybe LOUD music or read or whatever. I know kids will limit my freedom.

So I use all those very logical reasons to rationalize myself out of wanting a child. But my heart still wants one. Which is why I have to have this convo with myself on a recurring basis.

Lose-Lose Situation

My manager today was telling me how she advocates the military for any young man in Detroit who's not doing anything with his life.

Her theory was interesting. She said even though we're in wartime, hopefully it will end soon. But there's "nothing here in Detroit right now," and you have a 50/50 chance of getting shot every day. She said it doesn't matter what you're doing, college-educated or not, you got a 50/50 chance of getting killed right here in your own city, so why not join the military?

Taking Urself Wayyyy 2 Seriously

So this man came to my job today. He previously gave his CD to my coworker, so he followed up to see what she thought about it.

Well, when he gave her that CD, unbeknownst to him, she shared it with us all, and we had a hearty laugh at his outdated picture. Then she placed it in her drawer, where it has been for about a week.

Of course she told him that she enjoyed it! And he said to her, dead-ass serious: "If you knew the story behind it, you'd shed tears for the rest of your living years."

Wow. Really??? Wow. That's sum deep stuff right there.

Way to Be a Buzz Kill

So last week I got sum good news, but immediately thereafter sum sh*t happened that blew my high.

Someone told me I shouldn't share my testimony via fb because "Everyone doesn't wish you well." She also said, "If things don't work out, they're gonna say you failed like they said about situation X."

-Whoa! I didn't know anybody commented about my business like that. Interesting. But it's like that saying if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, did it happen? Meaning, if it wasn't said to me, then for all interns and purposes, it really wasn't said.

My next thought was, I don't friend everyone who requests that I do so, so I really shouldn't have any "friends" that don't wish me well.

But in case some haters managed to slip past my privacy settings (lol), someone else brought up a counter-argument.

"Why should you care about what they say?"

Good point.

I Was Waiting on That!

Does this ever happen to you?

You know when you want to do something so bad, but you have doubts or you've been told that it's wrong or you know it will upset some people?

So you kinda ask for advice and get a feel for what people say. You might ask 10 people and they say, "I don't know if I would do that...I don't think that's a good idea." You'll say, yea, ur right. But then when person No. 11 says, "Go for it!" you take it and run with it! Like, that's all I needed to hear!

This happened to me, like today. Pray for mercy, cuz when I tell my mom she's gonna LOSE it! She's not like other mothers. As in, she doesn't know I'm grown yet, lol. That's all I'll say about that.

Kim K. Put Y'all On

Thanks to the journalist in me, one of the first things I do when there's down time at work is read the news. This morning I was pleasantly surprised to learn that Miss Michigan was crowned Miss USA (because Miss Michigan never wins the whole shebang!), but I was even more surprised to learn that Miss USA is a woman of Lebanese descent.

Rima Fakih is the first Arab-American and first Muslim to be crowned Miss USA. I read a statistic that Dearborn, Mich. has the highest concentration of Arabs in America, so it's not unusual for me to see people who look like the lovely Ms. Fakih all the time. I do think, however, that it took the popularity of someone like Kim Kardashian, to shine the national spotlight on the beauty of Arab-American woman, and despite what you might say, I know we can call that a contributing factor in Rima's win last night. (I don't understand the popularity of the Kardashi-shones, but they are, perhaps unintentionally, representatives for their ethnicity, which is a minority that we don't always see in the mainstream.)

Let's give girlfriend all the credit she is due, though. She has a degree in economics and business management and works in marketing for the Detroit Medical Center. I didn't go research her whole life story, but I did see this quote that I liked a lot:

"It's beauty that captures your attention, personality which captures your heart."

In News That Only I Care About

The Daytime Emmy Awards were announced, and damnit, the lady who plays crazy Patty on "The Young & The Restless" should've been nominated! (She's also playing her own psychiatrist.)

Instead, they nominated the chick who plays Lily. Lily is one of the dullest characters on the show. And they nominated Phyllis, whom I dislike but is very believable in her role. However, she didn't do anything spectacular in the past year to deserve recognition. I know some ppl may think all soap operas are full of bad actors. That absolutely would be untrue.

BUT I AM HAPPY TO SAY that my two favorite male characters on the show - Jack Abbott and Billy Abbott were nominated! Billy is a sarcastic, impulsive, hot-headed male whore. But he's funny and relateable and I like him. Jack is...Jack. He's easily thee main reason I tune in because he gets the best story lines, and even when he's acting up, I still want him to win.

Paul (the detective) was also nominated, which is good for him, but all his character does now is cry because the crazy Patty lady is his sister! Also, I hate the way Nikki Newman played him this past year. Paul's a good guy, which also means dull, unfortunately. And WHY did that take that awful/annoying/uncute chick from the Susan Lucci soap on ABC to replace the actress who played his daughter?? I HATE that switch.

Again, I'm sure not too many ppl will get this post, but I take my Y&R seriously.

Not Sure About This

While it's no secret that I BELIEVE in Queen Mary J. Blige, I read a story yesterday that she's about to play Nina Simone.

I heard an old Nina Simone CD of my Dad's, and while I don't know much else about here, I do know she's revered as an iconic singer/songwriter/pianist/arranger and even civil rights activist.

I'd pay my LAST quarter to go to a Mary concert, I really would. But idk about watching this one. Hope she does well, though!

U Betta Work!

Excuse me, can we just take a minute to note that Chrisette Michele is winning right now. Her video guys include Drake, Wale and Pooch Hall.

GET IT BYYYYTCHHHH!!!! (w/all due respect, lol)

Work...Work...Work...Part II

On the other hand (referring to the previous post) there are plenty of times when God uses people to speak for Him...or to give you some sort of confirmation and/or Enlightenment.

This lady walked in the bank today lookin' like she hopped off somebody's Harley Davison. All black - leather jacket, Ray Bans, black skull cap with a skull and bones it - whole nine. She came to my window and after learning what she needed, the manager and I figured that we weren't the best place to help her. But she and I started talking anyway. She told me she was moving to Chicago very soon, and my eyes lit up. She said she always thought she wanted to live in NY, but now she wasn't so sure because she just moved home from LA and "had built her own paradise" here. However, her job is giving her money to move to Chicago and she will get to work on NY accounts. I cannot help but believe GOD sent her to my window today.

She said, "When I had to leave LA, I wanted to feel like a failure, but i couldn't. FEAR NOTHING. You know what? If you feel it in your gut, then just go for it, and know you're gonna be taken care of. Fear is the direct opposite of faith. So if you say you have faith, then just go and know anytime you step out the door that God is gonna take care of you."

Then she literally said, "OK I'll get out your life now." I smiled, and told her that actually I needed to hear exactly what she said. I even wrote it down...
This word we use, "random," - the funny thing is, a lot of the time we use it to describe something that was meant to be, meaning it actually wasn't "random" at all...

I Need a Word From You

The other day my bf was telling me about an experience he had. It was one of those things that seemed bad, but he wasn't upset about it at all. Said just the opposite - that he was kinda relieved, actually.

Don't wanna go into detail about his business, but his reaction to the incident really surprised me. And I came to this conclusion: A lot of times when we're looking for God to speak to us, it may not necessarily be a voice we're listening for. Sometimes it's just a feeling that you get.

You know what I mean? Ever got that sudden sense of peace, like a wave that just washed over you outta nowhere? Or a happy feeling even though you were looking at an impossible situation? Or a feeling of extreme gratitude?

Forgive this tangent, but I think about how in Tyler Perry movies, there's ALWAYS this motif of having to forgive someone who did a great injustice to you in order to move on. And even though it's cliche (in his films), it's absolutely true that once you make peace with a situation, it's a freeing experience. I don't care if it's being fired from a job, or having to move back home or going through a break up or not getting something you really wanted or having a fight with someone you love or even something like failing a test.

We as humans can be pretty hard on ourselves. Disappointments can lead to regret, guilt, hostility and even depression. But once you analyze a situation and make some sense out of it, you're really able to move on. You might even walk away knowing that you'll never understand a situation, but you gotta find a way to be OK with that, too. Because then, what others view as failure won't feel that way to you. What other people think should make you sad won't even affect you anymore - because you will have CONQUERED it. In other words, learning to "keep it movin" is one of the most important things you can do, for your sanity's sake and for the sake of your own happiness.

Work...Work...Work... Pt I

I promise, this was Froot Loop Week at work. ALL the whacky people coordinated with each other to bring their insanity to my job, and they didn't spare anyone.

*One lady went off on a coworker because she wanted a withdrawal and he asked how she wanted her money back.
*One man (in a jail jumpsuit, no less!) attempted to open a bank account without a state ID or address, just a gift card, and cussed the manager out when she said she needed more documentation.
*Another man keeps calling me "Kenyatta."
*And yet another man got man at me because he wanted his tax refund, but he had an overdraft of $10.16 so I couldn't give him the full amount. ("What do you mean you can't give it to me? See, this is why I don't like dealing with you people. Get me somebody else! Get me a manager right now! I'm not gonna wait; go get me somebody else!")
*Then another woman today said she hates coming to our bank because we talk about her every time she comes up there.
*And we won't talk about the lady who had a bag FULL of crumpled up cash, then asked my coworker if she could count any faster because she had somewhere to be.

And people, that wasn't the half of it. I'm learning not to be bothered by it, I'm just sharing cuz it's funny. Today we were giving away popcorn (in an effort to make the sales pitch about our latest product less annoying), and this man walks up to my window and wastes popcorn all over - and leaves it there, like I didn't see it.

Then this older woman said she couldn't hear me because she took her hearing aid out at the salon. What did she do next? Opened up her purse, found those aids and plugged them in her ears right at my window. Heard her tuning them up and trying to find the right frequency (or whatever) and everything. Toooo funny! And not exactly sanitary, either.

Match Made in Heaven

Wouldn't you LOOOVE to see Erykah Badu in a Tyler Perry movie? It just seems like a good match in my mind.

I'm not sure if she's acted before, but we all know that's not a prerequisite to be in a TP flick.

Couldn't possibly be less entertaining than Cicely Tyson (in this last movie)or MJB.

Takeaways

U have so many experiences in life that leave u feelin like, "WTF?!" or "Wow, that was a colossal waste of time."

Some people live by the philosophy that everything happens for a reason. I.....don't know, sumtimes there mite not be a "takeaway"; maybe you just plain went thru sum BS.

But for the past month I've been working at a credit union (it's like a bank, if you don't know), and here's what I'm taking away:

* Not quite a mastery, but increased competency, in the (whack) art of small talk.

* Recovery practice.(People really do expect you to know everything, and to do everything w/lightning speed. If you don't know how to do something or it takes longer than it should, you have to put people at ease and skillfully save face.)

* A confirmed desire to be an entrepreneur. I see the business owners come in every day with their checks and cash deposits, and I just imagine what a freeing experience it must be to generate your own stream of revenue, to set your own prices, to have something to fall back on, to plain be your own BOSS! I don't care if you have a dog-washing business; that belongs to YOU!

And while I'm speaking of the credit union, what's amazing is that this is the FIRST and ONLY job I've had where I genuinely liked ALL of my coworkers. Managers, everybody. I'm not used to getting to be myself at work, if you know what I mean. I even walked in with baby blue fingernails and yellow hair yesterday, and the manager said, "You just like me, don't know what u wanna do with ur hair." Much better than what I thought she would do...

Dear Maxwell,

Thank you Sir, for showing these artists how a comeback should look.
Moving major units, going #1, winning Grammys, going on tour, and still singing w/substance. You've given hope to many artists with latent careers.

Unlike Usher, who wants you to put hands in folks' pants. Unlike Teena Marie, who still won't let Rick James die. Unlike DMX, who won't stay out of jail long enough to drop an album. Eminem did OK, but we ain't really checking for him like we were checking for you. Charlie Wilson...I guess he did OK, but anytime your grandpa still rocks cornrows and sings love songs written by R. Kelly, there's a bit of an identity crisis to conquer. Jaheim? He's clearly for the over-30 set, now, and Toni Braxton? *bowing my head in shame* look at her old, stank azz in a sheer cat suit w/half her head shaved off on theybf.com, and you will be speechless as well as saddened.

Who's left? Aah, I know who Black America (and others) are really waiting on and praying for. I mean, if these people were to come back, ppl might just camp out at the record store like white ppl waiting on iPads and iPhones.

And while I hate to be the bearer of bad news (aka The Truth), let me just announce, for the record, that LAURYN HILL AND DE'ANGELO are too far gone. They will never make records again. Face the facts, my friends. Some people just have that one-and-done thing going on - they drop a masterpiece and that's all they got to give. I know Ms. Hill is so talented it's ridiculous, and she has more stories to tell and more songs to sing. But her mind is gone and her heart's not in it, and so NO, she will never be coming back. Pour sum out of whatever you're sipping right now.

No Homo

(No offense, either)

But have I mentioned how much I looove damn Taraji P. Henson?

Work today was crazyyyyy, but I was online and saw that she was this month's "Essence" cover girl. Made me happy, cuz month before last was Zoe Saldana, and I HATE her. (Yes, I do - I don't care what you say!)

When I got home -Raji P. was waiting for me in the mail!!! I smiled cuz she was smiling (and also cuz I just bought like $30 worth of nail polish, which has become an obsession for me of late) and I almost forgot how sucky work was today.

I keep trying to tell myself I'm not racist. But u gotta understand the sense of pride I get when I see beautiful, radiant, flawless brown women like her and Miss Tasha Smith (and Nia Long and Angela Bassett)! They just make me happy.

This is Y You Should Treat Ppl RIGHT!

I've blogged before about the group Brutha and how talented I think they are. However, their first CD crashed and burned, and I'd been hoping in my heart that they would make a victorious re-emergence.

So too funny, I go to FYE at Oakland Mall yesterday, and I see these gentlemen have a mixtape (along w/a completely new image). However, this mixtape was literally being given away with the purchase of an Usher or Monica CD. Said mixtape didn't even have a bar code, so you couldn't purchase it if you wanted to.

We browse the store a bit and my dude buys this old Kanye CD. He's thinkin' it's a long shot, but he picks up the Brutha mixtape and asks if he can get it with his purchase.

We weren't even expecting what happened next - The cashier went off! Here's a summary of what he said:

"Take it; I don't care. Those guys aren't nice people at all. They came out here and did an appearance. They didn't speak to anybody and then they just left. They just weren't nice guys. If you wanna pick that (CD) up, then go head, you can have it."

So I asked if I could have one too. (Sh*t, since we givin stuff away) Homeboy (who had on a turquoise hippie headband, btw) said, "Yea, I don't care. Take it."

I would never have guessed these soft, a capella gospel-singin' brothers would be a**holes (even though we knew they had extreme issues, thanx to that BET dramedy). But this, ladies and gentlemen, is why you need to treat ppl right. You just never know... Maybe they were mad at having to be in sum random metropolitan Detroit-area mall. (which is understandable, coming from sum1 who works at said mall.) But damn, you could feel the resentment in the cashier's heart as he spoke of their visit.


(SIDEBAR: you can listen to this mixtape online for free, and well, I LIKE it! Even though, they are clearly following in the sex-thug footsteps of Yung King Tremaine Songz...)

Don't B Too Easy to Please

I rarely, barely, hardly, marginally watch "American Idol."

But when I do catch it, I usually just check for Big Mike and Crystal Bowersox. (sp?) You know Deva has things I dislike about each of them, but I absolutely think they're the most talented and appealing contestants this year. ANYWAYS, the point is yesterday I saw Mike saying he made a goal for himself the year before this to be in the top 3, and he was proud of himself for meeting his "high" goal.

The funny thing is, Ellen was genuinely disappointed that his goal was so low. "Your goal should be to win, not to be in the top three," she said.

"Well, yea, that's the next goal" - he tried to clean it up. Ells shut that down again, like I don't get why anyone's goal wouldn't be to win.

And well, maybe this is ironic, but today he was voted off the show. He set his goal to be in the top 3, he got there...and now he's gone. It shocked me, because I'd have loved to see him win, but it's certainly a reminder that you can go as far as you dream you can - so don't sell yourself short.