"The Media" Hates Black Women

(I swear I only turned on VH1 Sunday so I wouldn't be left out of the Twitter convo!) It was Black Girl Night on the channel, apparently, with the season three premiere of "Basketball Wives," as well as the made-for-TV movie "Single Ladies" with LisaRaye and Stacey Dash.

Not surprisingly, the first BBW episode went like this: "Bitch, fuck you bitch! I hate that bitch! Ima sue yo ass, bitch!" with promises of actual fights next week.

"Single Ladies" featured LisaRaye as an old video vixen with expensive taste who also happened to be a klepto, and Stacey Dash as a wishy-washy woman dumped by a man who said he was never in love with her, only to let him hit and have a pregnancy scare, while also smashing a young white boy in, "I don't usually do this fashion."

Before we cry about how the media is at it again, making us look like desperate, catty golddiggers, we should consider for a moment that these women volunteered to be videotaped behaving this way. And they collected a check for it. Same goes for the girls on "Flavor of Love," "Maury Povich," etc.

The light bulb went on for me was when I watched Nelly on "Behind the Music," discussing the infamous "Tip Drill" video.  He ran out of money, he said, and all he had left was a credit card. In his words, the girl actually suggested that he swipe it down her butt cheeks! He couldn't understand why the ladies of Spelman protested his bone marrow drive, claiming he objectified women, when the scandalous swipe wasn't even his idea!

Is he deferring all blame? Absolutely. But if this is true, it means one thing: we can't blame anybody but ourselves for the way "we" look on these shows. I can be as classy as I want to be; it's easy to find a girl who will do the slutty things I won't - for money, for attention, for a chance to be arm candy, for whatever.


You look at the Amber Rose's of the world, and figure, why not? Not only is she doing legit modeling and traveling the world with famous boyfriends, she holds the black blogs captive. She has actual fans. She has girls everywhere even emulating her, getting crayola-hued buzzcuts.

So, sorry ladies, those of us who want to do it the Oprah way and get that billion through intellect and business acumen. Why not take the naked route or the reality short cut? Why not be a mean girl and throw your sistas under the bus? Look where it got Evelyn: a ring from Ochocinco and a line of T-shirts. #winning. Right???

Fare Thee Well

As I leave the retirement celebration of a colleague I only worked with for a year, I am reminded of the saying that your life might be the only Bible some people read.

This guy, I'll call him, M.D. - I just could tell he believed in God by the way he carried himself. A newsroom is hard to describe, but perhaps it's telling that he stood out to me because he always spoke, always addressed me by name and always smiled when we passed each other. If I ever stopped by his office with a question, he'd stop what he was doing to try to help me find a solution. (Trust me, that is rare.) His consistent warmth meant a lot to me as I learned to navigate this place.

After my "internship period," he sat down with me and we put together something like a guide for new hires. His concern that newbies be treated a certain way - and his genuine disappointment in the minor gaps in my process - spoke volumes.

It's no surprise to me, then, that he's going on to work for the Catholic diocese. He offered us these words to remember him by:

"If you hear an inner voice, listen to it; it just might change your life.
Continue to be people of truth.
And be people of hope; the world needs that so much right now."

I hope I will never neglect to do just that. I'm encouraged to practice walking a similar walk, one that speaks for me and exudes the grace and light of the Son.

Phony or Professional?

I always get thoughts like this - then immediately go, 'I shouldn't say that!' But oh well, here it is:

White people are professionals at being fake. They really might not be able to stand you, but they'll chitchat on the elevator and smile just the same. They'll introduce you to other people by saying, "You should meet Keisha! We just don't know how the department would run without her," knowing full well they wouldn't care if you fell off a bridge.
They'll even lie to your face if you confront them.

YOU: "Jen, I heard you told Bill I wasn't doing my part on the team and even the interns were more useful than me."
JEN: "Keisha, no! Who told you that? I have no idea how you heard something like that! That's ridiculous. You're doing a phenomenol job! Everybody says so. You know what we should do lunch when things calm down a bit around here..."

Black people, however, are transparent when they don't like you. They make working together very difficult because they treat you cold, roll eyes, suck teeth and make sure to let other people know they ain't feelin you either.

Just look at Star Jones and Nene on "Celebrity Apprentice," for example. These ladies were on the same team, playing for charity for pete's sake, and had disruptive blowups at the drop of a dime. Meanwhile, Hope and Marlee kept it on MUTE and saved their ill feelings for the confessionals.

We use the phrase, "I don't like being fake" to justify not being nicey-nicey to people we don't care for. But I heard this phrase once as well: "What other people think about you is none of your business."  It takes a lot of effort to be cordial to your least-favorite  coworker for 40 hours a week, but are you mature enough to do your job and not give the air that anything is different from the first day you met, when you didn't know adam from eve?


Do you need to let the girl next to you know you hate her, or is that even relevant when all you have to do is get the task done, then clock out and keep it movin?

So I want to know what you think: Is it phony or professional to put on a facade in the workplace?

Star Jones

At one point on this season of "Celebrity Apprentice," Star Jones got all upset because Meatloaf used a term like "sweetie" or "baby" while they were arguing. She said it was patronizing and unprofessional.

At the time, I thought she was bent out of shape unnecessarily. Now, I feel her.


What changed?

Well, I have a supervisor who likes to send snippy emails and sign them with smiley faces. WHO DOES THIS? You know what I mean, messages like:

"I hope to see you in the office tomorrow:)" and "I need a story for tomorrow ASAP :)"

I'm sure you've seen it before too - sometimes they swap out the smiley face for "Thanks," like putting thanks after a command negates the asshole-ishness of the preceding statement:

"Do me a favor and make sure your hours never again become an issue at 12 p.m. on a Monday. Thanks."

I finally sent him a note that said, "May i ask what's up with all the smiley faces."

Cuz let's be honest; he wouldn't send an email to a male employee with a smiley face signature. This, to me, communicates that you are being unprofessional and condescending, along with insulting my intelligence. I'm a woman, not a baby. Let's go further: I'm a colleague, gender removed.

Clearly, you know you're saying something out the way and need to include some type of gesture to make yourself feel better about it. If you receive absolution from an emoticon, that's fine. I didn't grant it to you, however.

i HAD to Share This.

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."
 ~Winston Churchill


TooDamnTrue.