Nothing to be Scared of, Here

Last week I decided I was an "advocate for social justice." Anyone who takes on such a title should be willing to admit that she is hypersenstive (if being completely honest with herself), or at the very least is someone who looks at everything with a discerning eye.

Either way, I had an experience Monday night that confirmed I'm not crazy.

Since I've been in this city, more often than not I've been the only black person in the room. Many of the interactions that ensued felt forced and awkward. Tuesday was different. The bf and I went to an Irish pub with his coworkers, and had a blast. Yes, we can suggest a number of reasons why people in this setting might be friendly and laidback (I also wouldn't rule out a possibility that I've internalized a sense of inferiority that feels magnified in these settings.) -- but I just said, I've been in similar situations before and had not 1/18th of the fun I had that night.

My point is, there is a palpable difference when you interact when someone who doesn't see you through any other lens than as a fellow human being. Not as a black person, a young person, a rich person, a woman - just a person.

If this happened every day, it wouldn't be noteworthy. But it doesn't. (Think about it, why else are people surprised when they meet a celebrity who's "down to Earth?")

We create social labels that proscribe that one person be treated differently than another, due to "stature," "gender," "class," "age," "accomplishments" or whatever. These lead to a faulty, inflated sense of self-importance that could be easily deflated (and become obsolete) by simply treating everyone with respect and bearing in mind that we all "put our pants on one leg at a time."

Tips for Career Reinvention

via ESSENCE Magazine. This quote is from an article called The Career Hunt, which offered job search advice for black women.

And be willing to move beyond your comfort zone and your skill set, jump to a new company, or advance to a new managerial position. Finally, remember that you must fit in wherever you land.

That last line was the one that grabbed me. It was certainly a good article, but the "fit in" term was a little vague for me. Fit in how, exactly? I'm sure they don't mean my skill set, because they usually tell me to be better than everyone else so I stand out.

So I'm assuming this means fit in through....appearance and behavior? Tell you what, ESSENCE, I'm tired of jobs where I have to "fit in wherever I land." I'm just being honest. Some women, however, might disagree. You do what you have to do to get the job, I've heard.

So what do you think?

Now Faith is the Substance of Things Hoped For

(Wrote this for work; thought I'd share.)

I’m sure everyone has an uncle like mine in their family. You know, the one uncle, usually with a beer in hand, who’s the loudest person in the room? He doesn’t try to be funny, it’s just that all his stories happen to be hilarious.


When I was leaving Detroit to head to Rochester, I had a going away party. I wasn’t going to have it unless Uncle Brent was there. He manned the barbecue grill, and the comedy - as usual. I look at how laidback my dad is overall and can’t believe he grew up in the same house as nutty Uncle Brent.

But as I write this, Uncle Brent is in the hospital. Dad called last night asking that I include his little brother in my prayers. His kidneys are failing, his blood sugar is too low, and he’s lost sight in one of his eyes. For those who don’t know how serious it is, diabetes is a debilitating disease. And it runs in my family. The only memory I have of my great-grandmother is she had no legs due to the illness, and my grandfather had one of his legs amputated shortly before he died. My father has had diabetes since he was a senior in high school. I knew Uncle Brent was borderline diabetic, and as he’s gradually slimmed down into a smaller version of himself, I guess he fully crossed that border.

I’m reminded of a blog post I read recently by a young professional about making time in our busy lives for the people we love. My mother always said, “If you don’t work, you don’t eat.” (I hate when she’s right!) As grateful as I am to have a job, if I could be anywhere in the world right now, it’d be in that hospital room, near Uncle Brent’s bed. The beer can would be missing from his hand, but I know he’d still have me laughing.

The Adjustment Bureau

If you haven't seen Matt Damon's new movie, "The Adjustment Bureau," and were planning to, I advise you to stop reading. The trailer doesn't quite give you the gist, but it raises pointed questions about religion and specifically, about the idea of free will, using the (thin) veil of a Chairman who writes everyone's master plan and has a bureau of agents who ensure we all stick to the script.
Some things are chance, but most are "adjustments."

I appreciate any movie that references religion. We can debate whether this movie is in favor of it or not, but here are two main statement sI felt it said:

1. God is not a loving diety that you develop a relationship with, but a cold and detached being that forces you to do what he says: In the movie, Matt Damon was told he couldn't be with Emily Blunt's character, but no one would tell him why. Since they had no reason, his attitude was screw you, I'm going to do what I want. It reminds you of how people say everything happens for a reason...but can't tell you what that reason is. We never see the Chairman, and technically, Matt wasn't supposed to know he existed. Yet he was supposed to accept the will of this puppet master.

I think that sends the wrong message. Religion is about building a trusting relationship with a loving Father. You seek the center of His heart because it contains what's best for you.

2. If you want something bad enough, you can outsmart your fate and seize your own destiny: In the movie, Matt chases what he wants and is willing to sacrifice everything to avoid the "plan." He gets a little help from an insider that has him thinking he can get the upper hand, and in the end, he's told the Chairman was so impressed that he rewrote the plan.

Herein lies the free will debate, but I don't believe you bend God to your will. You submit to His and either find it was better than what you thought you wanted, or find that He honors your obedience by granting your desires. Think about Abraham. He prayed for a son in his old age and finally got one. Then God said to sacrifice him. Abraham didn't run, hesitate or try to deceive God. Just as he was about to follow God until the end, he saw the ram in the bush - he submitted, and his son was spared.

I'm sure there are many other conclusions we could draw from the film. What are your thoughts?

Gettin MAC'ed

As a teenager, you hear so much about MAC Cosmetics that you believe that first purchase makes you a big girl.

I felt some kind of sense of independence when I bought that first $14 tube of sticky lipglass. But what you don't know is the fabulous man behind the counter is going to tell you that you need to buy several products at once to work together to achieve the look you're going for. Unless you have a job at 14, MAC will steal your whole lil allowance. Many brands are the same - you need the primer, the liner, the shadow, the concealer, on and on and on. But believe it or not, there are some products made well enough to stand alone.

Nothing against MAC - but I've moved on. I'm not sure where or when it happened, but my mailbox includes InStyle magazine, as well as catalogues from Ulta and Sephora, and I have to share with you: there are more brands than MAC, some of which look better on our complexions, are less sticky and last longer!
 *gasp* I know, thank me later.

The best lip gloss I ever bought cost me only 100 pennies, from a local dollar store. This shade of pastel pink was so true that it was brilliant against my brown skin and I stalked that dollar store for  months, hoping they'd re-up.

Saturday, I bought Sephora brand mattifying powder that made my face look smoother and less blemished than the combo of concealer and pressed powder from MAC that had me ashy, darker and shiny, all at once, lol.

I also went to WalMart and bought two shades of red lipstick, as well as a matte purple (a la old school Nia Long). Red, a color so dangerous that I'd always been scared to try it, seemed a lot less intimidating at less than $5. And wouldn't you know it? That Wet 'n' Wild brand looked great!

I also am ashamed to admit this....Shhhh....One day a bum walked into McDonalds on W Grand Blvd hawking navy eyeliner for like $2. I'm sure he had stolen it, but his timing was in line with my urges so I supported the brotha and enjoyed my navy smoky eye the next day...

So this is just a PSA ladies, we all wanna look fly. A splash of color to the face is fun and can brighten your mood - without having to lighten your pockets!

God Bless Skinny Jennifer Hudson

"If she can do it, I can too!" I'm willing to bet this is said by black women all over when we see pictures of Jennifer Hudson and her new post-Weight Watchers body.

I am among the thoroughly inspired. This month's ESSENCE magazine features skinny J-Hud, and those pictures are now posted on my wall to remind me to drag my a** to the gym even when I don't feel like it.

But here's one thing to note: even when Jennifer was twice her size, she always looked good. The reason is because she wore clothes that fit. Ladies, I don't care if you're a size 2 or 22, if your clothes fit correctly, you will look better. Muffin top results from too-small shirts and too-low jeans, and we see this often even from no-booty, slim white girls.

You've seen the big girls, at the mall, wearing leggings that expose every thigh dimple. Spilling over the top of the bra, underwires and straps cuting into the skin and exposing rolls - again too small garments.


On the converse, clothes that are too big have a frumpy effect, making you look shapeless, like you're trying to hide in a potato sack.

It's easy to mistake frugality or self-punishment for discipline and say, "I'm not buying any new clothes until I lose weight." But this is a mistake. You won't lose weight overnight. Unless you plan on being a recluse until you shed 50 pounds, you probably still have to show your face in public, so look good in the meantime. I know it hurts to have to get those jeans in the double digits, but isn't it easier than having to tuck and pull and straighten your clothes all day and be self-conscious?



As we wage our own battles of the bulge, let's keep in mind that Mo'Nique, Tocara and other big girls seem to be having a lot of fun, thanks to having the confidence us other girls lack while we're in our periods of self-loathing.

So God bless skinny J-Hud, but until you get her size - and even when you do get there - dress for the size you are, not the size you want to be.

The Bachelor

I've probably watched a cumulative total of three hours of ABC's reality dating show "The Bachelor."  The 15th season with Bachelor Brad just finished strong, and the seventh season of spin-off "The Bachelorette" (the show that picks up popular castoffs from the curb and puts them in the driver's seat) is shooting now.

It spawned derivatives like "Flavor of Love," and "I Love New York," both on Vh1. We tend to be all up in arms over how these shows make black women (and other attention whores) look like gold-diggers so thirsty they'll fight to drink from the same cup as a D-list, irrelevant celebrity. Let's be honest: "The Bachelor" is the same thing, a bunch of white girls who don't really have good jobs trying their hardest to be chosen by a man who, by virtue of network-TV given fame and fabulous dates paid for by sponsors, will turn their whole lives around. This they know for sure after like 6 weeks, and no one calls them groupies in the process.
 
However, now I suppose we should thank Vh1 for giving people of color a vehicle to compete for "love." Because according to Mike Fleiss, creator of "The Bachelor" franchise, it won't happen on his show.

Entertainment Weekly's Inside TV blog interviewed Mike Fleiss, creator of "The Bachelor," and asked point blank, "Will we ever see a bachelor or a bachelorette who is not white?"

Fleiss answered:

"I think Ashley (the new Bachelorette) is 1/16th Cherokee Indian, but I cannot confirm. But that is my suspicion! We really tried, but sometimes we feel guilty of tokenism. Oh, we have to wedge African-American chicks in there! We always want to cast for ethnic diversity, it’s just that for whatever reason, they don’t come forward. I wish they would."

There you have it, these are the kinds of people calling the shots in Hollywood, folk who think it's cool to make a lily-white show and "wedge" some color in as an after thought.

I'm sure in 15 seasons, Mike pored over thousands of headshots and went, man I can't believe there aren't any "African-American chicks" in the entire country who want to be on my very popular television show! Sounds like he's really broken up about it, huh?

What are your thoughts?

I'm so Green

Presently kicking myself for my naivete. See, this week the boss asked me to write a story, that's essentially, a non story.

I made some calls. I said, "Hey, here's the answer to what you're looking for. It makes perfect sense to me and I'm sure no one else has the question you have because this isn't a story."

His response: "I disagree, have it done when I get back from break or sooner."

Hmmmm.....here's the worst interview guys. When I call someone and don't really know what to ask because I'm not curious about anything and everything has already been spelled out. I'd like to say to said boss, if you have questions, perhaps you should ask them because this one's pretty black and white to me. Did I mention he also added the directive to call the story subject EVERY day at every number available until I get an answer?

Trust me, I know part of life is having to do things you don't want to do. I'm clear on that. Still, I gotta say it's kind of a kick in the pants when it essentally happens like this: "I don't care what you think. Do it. Because I said so."